Debt free and buy a house by 35

andymc29

I filled up last night, got to 390 miles and the light still hadn't come on (that's 60 miles more than normal!!!! nearly 20% saving!!!!), looked like it was very close to it though, so I filled up as I wanted try Shell V-Power, it's 6p more a litre but if I get an extra 15 miles out of it, then it's worth it. so my next target is 405 miles just before the light comes on. I've got thre more drive to and from work, thena long drive to Bristol on Friday morning, then another drive home from Bristol on saturday afternoon. Will keep to around 60 mph all the way (not in any rush).

Blimey, when did my life become so exciting????

andymc29

Am back at work now. After having a lovely weekend with my GF at her house.

We had a day at home on Friday, buying stuff for her garden (mainly involving me carrying heavy bags of compost), then a really nice mealand an early night as she had work on Saturday. So on saturday she went off to work, I went to TKD training then some last minute easter egg shopping, we went for a drink Saturday night with some of my friends. But on the way back to her's she went very quiet and very off with me basically not wwanting to talk to me and not telling me what was wrong. After a bad nights sleep of me wondering what the hell is wrong, I finially got her to talk to me on the Sunday morning. She's worriying about our future and whether I can provide enough money for us to have the life she wants. Now obviously I'm hurt by this, as I've been working damn hard to clear my debts over the last two years and up till now have been thinking I've been doing a good job at it. I've sacrifised my own place and moved home to save money, I've stopped buying expensive toys for myself and cut down on any other big expenses. But this apparently isn't enough.

I do love her, but am worried that she's just too much of a perfectionist to be able to relax and enjoy life.

I also think her stress about money is affecting other parts of our relationship.

Yes, I think it's great that she bought her house at 24, has always made overpayments, never had a personal loan or much on credit cards, has loads of money in savings and her main worry seems to be whether she's on the best ISA or not. I just wish she could realise that this just isn't the case for the majority of the country and she needs to stop seeing me as some debt ridden exception to cause her lots of worry.

Kepp

Am back at work today too, painful isn't it!

I think as a quick and easy way to show her you are not an exception would be to show her these boards - not only will it show her that many people are the same and worse off than you, it would also show her how hard people are working to rectify their situations.

I'll be honest now (please don't take offence) but I would be getting annoyed with her by now. You are doing your best and more to deal with your situation and as you've said, making many sacrifices along the way.

A relationship is a two way thing and it's not just down to you to make the money to provide her with the life she feels she should have.

What she's achieved is great but there is also more to life than money and it shouldn't be the be all and end all of everything.

I'm sure you do really love her so I would take the time to sit down and have a proper chat with her about everything and make sure you understand how she feels but at the same time she needs to understand how you feel too.

You can't make a relationship if you are constantly falling short of someone's ideals - one of you has to change and I think you already have made all the changes you can from what you've said.

Please don't take any of that the wrong way and I do hope it works out for you

andymc29

Thanks for the reply beccie, sounds like you've got the idea of how I'm feeling about it.

It's so frustrating and upsetting to be judged today on what I did years ago, I'm working damn hard to sort my debts out (living at my parents at 31 years old is bad enough!) as quick as I can.

But yes, it just feels like I fall short of what she ideally wants.

I think the problem to her though might be simply that she's 34 years old, worried that she's already left it too late for children and that I might be her only chance of a family, and she's worried about what our future will be like as she sees me as financially unsecure.

Another point obviously, is that as a man, I have no real ticking clock saying I need to have children before my mid thirties and could quite easily end this relationship now, get my finsinces totally sorted and buidl some good savings, get my own place to live and get into a new relationship on completely dfiferent footign a year from now, I think she knows this which stresses her out even more.

Having said that, I'd never leave her, and tell her that the only way we'll break up is her dumping me, but she just says that I can't say that as we don't know what might happen.

andymc29

I've adjusted my signature to match my debt situation at it's highest point. Makes me feel much better about how far I've come. It does add six months onto how long I've been tackling my debts, but that just gives a better picture of things. I styarted at 27,500 (to within £200), and now I'm at £7683, come Thursday payday this week, I'll knock another grand off that, so I'l only owe just over 6,500. There's light at the end of the tunnel, just wish I could make my girlfriend believe that.

Kepp

There definitely is light at the end of the tunnel, the numbers show how well you've done!

It does sound like some of your girlfriend's insecurities may well lie elsewhere and tend to come out through your money situation as perhaps that's something that's easier for her to talk about rather than some of the things that are really bothering her.

It does sound like a really good talk is needed to put all issues, including money and debt, to rest. It will be hard going if she is always believing that money is such an issue as well as thinking that you will leave her all the time too.

Good luck!

andymc29

Another payday, another overpayment. Took another £500 off the natwest loan, need to be a little cautious this month not to overpay too much as I'm on holiday in two weeks and will need to keep money back for spending money. It won't be that expensive, but don't want to blow everything now.

andymc29

Actually maybe even that overpayment was a bit too much. I've got my car insurance due next week and teh car needs a new timing belt, which isn't going to be cheap.
Really annoying, why is it that everytime you think you can make some good overpayments, something expensive comes up that knocks you back again???? All I can pray for is that June, July and August will be more forgiving.

Kepp

I think it's cause when we were racking debt up we never thought about these things, just bunged them on the credit card and forgot about them.

Now, because we pay so much attention to money related things we notice when life gets in the way of repayments all the time!

Have you thought about building up a small emergency fund alongside your repayments so that these hits don't hurt so much?

You are doing so well, don't be disheartened when you can't pay as much as you would like for one month, keep focusing on how far you have come

andymc29

Well my post on how things are goign with GF caused a bit of a stir: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3194188

Some pretty harsh comments, some telling me I'm a very bad bet and she should steer clear of me, others saying I'm doing really well and she should feel good about that. Not sure how to move on really.

I've not heard anything from the GF since Tuesday morning, it's not unusual to not hear from her for a day or so, just hurts a bit as I've texted her three times and tried calling her since then. Maybe I need to face the fact that she might just be not that interested. She may have come to the conclusion as people suggested in teh thread that she's better off on her own, or finding someone whos' been better with money in the past. I might think I've got a bright future ahead, with a healthy financial situation, but maybe she can't see that, or doesn't want to wait for that. I'll just act norally, take her out for romantic "but cheap" dates, should be easy in the warm weather, and just see how things go. at the end of the day, I can wait, she can't. So if things end, it will be her doing it. It just cuts me up that I have a plan for what I want to do in the future and she doesn't.