child protection arrived at our house, angry with nursery for reporting us.

stolt

Apologies for the long story wanted to get as much as I could to explain the situation we are in. We have three girls and 2 years ago my youngest was diagnoised with juniville arthritis. Shes on a medley of drugs and injections to get it under control and has been backand forth to great ormand street where she underwent injections to the joints - we are seeing them privately and via the NHS. She was doing well but over the last year to 9 months has got worse whereby even GOSH have said that we are basically back to where we were when we first saw them 2 years ago. She now has undergone DNA testing which we are awaiting the results of and then she will be put on different drugs.

All our girls have gone to nursery from the ageof 2 years from three afternoons a week. We don't have much family where we lve so we believed it helped make friends and also for us too. This isnt state funded it cost us £9.20 a session to send them. Keira has been going since shes 2 and has had good days and bad, but has always enjoyed the nursery as she likes the painting and also the playdoh. Whe she joined we informed the nursery of her arthritis and gace them some leafets and they downloaded some information from the internet and we mentioned about colds and flu and chicken pox and that she needs to be taken out of nursery because she has a very weak immune system. They helped by advising us when chicken pox was going around aswell as the swine flu that was passing. Keira couldnt walk for too long as the drugs were not helping much but once my wife carried her in and sat her down her mind was off things and she was happy.

Things came to ahead about 4 week ago just after the summer holidays whereby Keira didn't want to go to school and was begging my wife not to go. on one occasion my wife had to pick her back up because they said she had a temperature but her body does run alittle hotter than normal children. I didnt think too much about the comments that Keira was making but just assumed that due to the long break off she just needed to settle in again. this went on for another 2 weeks and basically the nursery head said to my wife that the nursery where concerned that they are carrying Keira around alot and that perhaps we should consider a mobility aids such a wheelchair and apply to the govenment to get a special needs carer to be installed in the nursery. This upset my wife to the point were she broke down in front of the other mums when she was collecting the elder girls from school. We are not ready to condem her to a wheelchair just yet. We phoned great ormand street and the specialist said that it was NOT needed and there are many different things to try before we get to that level. When i came home from work we sat down and decided to take keira out of nursery at least until the DNA results are back and perhaps we are given new drugs. Which takes us upto last thursday at 4.30pm! (lucky I was home as i had the week off and decided to try a few diy jobs on the house) a lady turned up and said that she was from the child protection team and she was investgating a complaint.

She read the statement from the nursery and it basically stated they they were concerned that my wife was carrying keira to school far too much and that they had asked for keiras medical records but hadn't receieved them from us. They also stated that my wife had lost alot of weight and looked drained and also our middle daughter is looking alot thinner than when she went to the nursery. They also reported that keria said '' daddy had hurt my fingers''. Keira is carried alot because her ankles and legs do hurt alot. My wife is under alot of stress and as mother is very worried about her youngest daughter I would challenge anyone to show me a mother than has gone through what my wife has not to be. Shes the one that sits here day in day out, coping with her and watching her go through weekly injections (she absolutley hates them). Kerira's figers are twisted and have large' knolls' on them due to the artritis and are very arge due to the inflamation. Keira could well have said that i had hurt her but she doesn't allow anyone to touch her hands and even brushing past her would result in her saying so and so has hurt me. The asking for medical records is a straight lie they have never requested them, neither do we have any at home. I feel they have bulked out the complaint with the fingers hurting and the middle child being thinner (she just turned four and all of a sudden has shot up in height).

The child protection officer asked us all about what they eat, how they do at school, friends and family, she inspected the girls bedrooms etc. My wife is really hurt and upset and shes it as a attack upon her as a mother. Both of the other girls are performing well at school and have friends etc but i feel upset for my wife, shes the sensitive one and has really been hurt by this. I wanted to go down to he nursery and ask for a proper explanation but i don't want to go down there until the Child protection has done there investigation, i want to stand there outside the nursery and let every parent know that would do this without even coming to see the parents first. Child protection said that they always now place every complaint at the highest level and and then downgrade it to what they believe it should be if there needs to be anything. The local nurse that does the injections said that because of the baby-p case then they are really hot on things at the moment.


I dont know whether the school is discriminating keira by saying bascally they don't want her there unless they can get another teacher to help (to get another teacher from the govenment for a private nursery would take years if they even would allow it anyway.) Keira is 3 in december and has been going all this time and find it a bit coincidental that the minute we take her out they make a complaint to child protection.

I wish had taken up my intial concerns regarding why keira was saying she didnt want to go to nursery anymore, my concerns were that the helpers were getting fed up of carrying her around and maybe getting frustrated with her saying she cant walk. Shes a timid girl and it only takes someone giving her a stern face to make her withdraw into herself. So maybe they did tick her off and once that happened Keira would have been unsure. Perhaps they were making her walk or getting her to walk from the tables to the outside and didnt believe what Keira was saying. Arthritis is a awful disease and one day you can be finethe next you can't even walk. Maybe it needed someone at the nursery to understand the issues alittle clearer before jumping to conclusions.

Bascially we have to wait approx 2 weeks for the investigation to be completed and then we can ring then and find out, we don't have anything hide so signed the form that they can talk to anyone connected to the other girls schools etc.

My main concern is its a blot on our records and I want my wife to be vindicated.

thanks for taking the time to read the very long post.. sorry

mountainofdebt

I'm sorry you've had to go through this, especially when you've got the general worry of your daughter's health but stop and think rationally about this for a minute.......

..if child protection had ignored the complaint (and I really don't know why the nursery would have made it but hey ho) and something had been wrong, there would have been uproar. As it is there isn't so, as you say you have nothing to worry about and your wife will be cleared.

(just to let you know a friend of mine had social services around becuase she had disciplined her son and he told his teacher his mum had hit him and when questioned further, he gave the impression it was a regular thing)

The issue is why the nursery would have made the complaint - I can't believe that they are that petty that they would have made the complaint just becuase you took your daughter out.

Could it be that they are genuinely concerned for your wife & daughter? would it not make life easier & more comfortable if your daughter had a wheelchair?

LJM

first of all i feel for you as a family having to go through this and i can totally understand that you want her to lead a normal life as possible for as long as possible.i feel it was very unfair for them to express concern this way,what they should have done is spoken to you first but the letter should imo have only contained info about keira not your wife and other children. it sounds like they have got in there first to cover their own backs very sneaky if you ask me.i hope everything goes ok for you and your wife sounds like a fantastic mum

stolt

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I'm sorry you've had to go through this, especially when you've got the general worry of your daughter's health but stop and think rationally about this for a minute.......

..if child protection had ignored the complaint (and I really don't know why the nursery would have made it but hey ho) and something had been wrong, there would have been uproar. As it is there isn't so, as you say you have nothing to worry about and your wife will be cleared.

(just to let you know a friend of mine had social services around becuase she had disciplined her son and he told his teacher his mum had hit him and when questioned further, he gave the impression it was a regular thing)

The issue is why the nursery would have made the complaint - I can't believe that they are that petty that they would have made the complaint just becuase you took your daughter out.

Could it be that they are genuinely concerned for your wife & daughter? would it not make life easier & more comfortable if your daughter had a wheelchair?

Hi nope I fully appreciate this but I would have thought that the child protection agecy rather than turning up and going through the girls bedrooms, would look at the my other two girls at school (they went to the same nursery) and talk to the heads of those schools, they asked about my wife and i's relationship, domestic violence etc etc. I'm sure there are easier tell tell signs of things going wrong in a family rather than turning up and reading a statement to us, afterall they have seen the bedrooms etc and still gone away to talk to the other schools, maybe in this data protection age they dont have the power unless we signed that form (but i dont believe that for one miute) The complaint never once raised her arthritis. We are going through a diary that the nursery provides and in it mentions ''there are occasions when keiras physical play is limited usually involving walking and outdoor play. she will ask to be carried between activities when neccessary but ths is very rare. She sometimes need shelp to walk down the ramp into the garden but once out there she plays indenpendently. 22nd may.''

At the moment a wheelchair isnt needed, today for instance its been non stop running around and playing indoor ith just an hour where she said that her leg was hurting but we went down town and i would assume that the cold affects her alot and it was windy today. A wheelchair is definatle not needed et, she has a bad case of arthritis but at the clinic we have seen young girls (its more a female disease for some reason) lead quite a normal life they dont partake in sports and have the odd bad day but other than that its all pretty good.

fernliebee

What a sad story, I really feel for you and your wife, having your parenting abilities questioned is traumatic for anyone, but especially as you know it is not a true allegation.

I can completely understand why you don't want to 'confine' her to a wheelchair yet, as you want her to have as 'normal' (for want of a better word) life as poss. You would think that a nursery, where at least one person should be qualified to degree level in child development (amongst other things) would understand this too!

As you have said, you have nothing to hide, and you should not feel ashamed as you know you have done nothing wrong. Not that it makes it any easier to bear. I hope it is over with as quickly as possible for you and your family so you can get back to doing the most important job- raising your children.

McKneff

I just wanted to say 'hang in there' you both sound like excellent parents.
i know about arthritis, its bad enough in an adult but seeing it in your own child must be heartbreaking. I am outraged for you for the treatment you are getting.
What do they expect you to do, put her on the floor and tell her to walk when you know how much pain it would cause. i can understand you not wanting to get her into a wheelchair from your point of view, please dont take this the wrong way but would life be a little easier for Keira personally to be in a wheelchair, Im almost certain it would make life a little easier for mum and dad too.

I know its going to be hard for the next two weeks for all of you. but be strong and let them do their worst. I suppose in the long run they are looking out for your baby too, think about the parents who abuse there children who dont care as much as you, who dont look after them properly they are the ones they will be really after and i suppose you have got caught up in it all.

I really feel for you, its horrendous watching your child in pain knowing that there isnt a thing you can do. But she will make good, i promise, it's all for a purpose and mark my words, she will make a mark on the world.

onetomany

omg op im sending u a big hugxxxxxxxxx i dont really no what to say but ss have to folllow reports up maybe you can use them to your advantage i would ask them to refer you to the disabilitys team i hope im not afending you i grew up in care and i would feel the same as you , but im not very good at explaing myself or spelling lol, well back to the post its just that ss have ways to funds that could help you i havent used them but i have fought about it in the past, my son has disabilites and we need a major buggy but really struggled with the rule if you dont need in the house etc , but in the end the charity serve help us, just thinking your wife carnt carry her for every , sorry if i sound harsh but i no of other people who have a socail worker get alot more help easyer hope you get it sorted soon sorry if ive affended i dont mean to xx

stolt

McKneff wrote: »

I just wanted to say 'hang in there' you both sound like excellent parents.
i know about arthritis, its bad enough in an adult but seeing it in your own child must be heartbreaking. I am outraged for you for the treatment you are getting.
What do they expect you to do, put her on the floor and tell her to walk when you know how much pain it would cause. i can understand you not wanting to get her into a wheelchair from your point of view, please dont take this the wrong way but would life be a little easier for Keira personally to be in a wheelchair, Im almost certain it would make life a little easier for mum and dad too.

I know its going to be hard for the next two weeks for all of you. but be strong and let them do their worst. I suppose in the long run they are looking out for your baby too, think about the parents who abuse there children who dont care as much as you, who dont look after them properly they are the ones they will be really after and i suppose you have got caught up in it all.

I really feel for you, its horrendous watching your child in pain knowing that there isnt a thing you can do. But she will make good, i promise, it's all for a purpose and mark my words, she will make a mark on the world.

Thanks for the response, its not that we are scared of the wheelchair, but as you are probably know with arthritis its not just one drug, there are several approaches to take, we have tried methotrexant (sorry about my spelling) but its not working they have up'd the dose and its not reducing he swelling as it should. Out of irony since she has been out fo school shes had a really good week last week and her little personiality is showing through (normally subdued and frustrated for more than a better word), and today shes been running around. As I say they have been waiting for the DNA results for just over a month now and this will give them a better understanding of whats going on with her, they believe that aswell as arthritis they is also a auto immune problem but untl the DNA results are back they dont really know. I've passed the good wishes onto my wife, i think once she gets back in the schoolyard with the other mums there all offer support to her and pick her up again.

Fishcake_Random

Not sure what to suggest but I couldn't just read and run.
I hope things improve for little Kiera and all you guys.
Hang on in there
x x x

jenjade

hi,

Big hug to you and your family!

The nursery should have approached you first with there concerns and told you they were going to make a report and the reason why (I work in a nursery)

I expect they would want funding for a extra worker as the ratios would not allow them to spend as much time with your daughter as she needs. This should have been done by arranging an appointment with you to discuss the situation and explain to you what they wanted to do and why. They could then get a assessment done on your daughter and apply for extra funding.

Settings should work in partnreship with parents and this is what happens when the partnership breaks down it is so sad and such a shame.

i hope everything works out for you all

SuziQ

I also feel for you in this situation as you are already under such stress. However,having worked in child protection for many years (up until 5 years ago) I can see how these situations escalate.
The very fact your family is under so much stress and that your youngest is so poorly makes me believe this wasn't a malicious report but one made (clumsily maybe) with good intentions. It is perfectly proper for them to have mentioned that your other child and wife look thinner as it is part of the overall concern,and looking at the children's bedrooms would be done as well as,not instead of approaching the children's school for information.
Every area will have a slightly different protocal they have to follow so it does vary.
From what you have said,your family is in need of some proper support. Your wife may crumble without it and that would have such a huge negative effect on the whole family. You sound like caring,loving parents and I am sure that is obvious to the social workers. In that instance you have little to concern yourselves about,although as a parent I fully understand your frustration and concern.
The decision over a wheelchair is between you and your child's medics at the end of the day-that cannot be held against you.
It does look as though there is something the nursery are worried about that hasn't been disclosed to you-I have no idea what,or why they should make this referral after your child was taken out. Maybe they felt that things needed monitoring and were afraid noone would see your child if she was removed and they didn't refer? In that they are really out of order,as it is not in their remit to monitor-if they had a concern for some time they should have referred previously.
In my experience,parents will often not get to the bottom of a referral like this. They are cleared as good and loving parents by the social workers but are left wondering what really provoked the person making the referral. That is very unfair but all you can do at this point is cooperate,support your wife as much as possible and try to push to find out what the motivation was for this referral.I hope you get a speedy resolution to this.