5 OS Pleasures in your Day Today part 2

CCP

Evening all, from a slightly dejected CCP - if there was a prize for most successful killing of someone's enthusiasm, I think the CP would have won it today. I haven't changed my mind, of course, but they have reawakened every doubt I had about whether I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway:

1) Storm damage was pretty minor, and someone is coming to fix the leaky roof tomorrow.

2) LO sausage and tomato soup for lunch, and very nice it was too.

3) I'm still getting Isis, although I don't think I'm going to feel 100% confident until she's actually sitting in my flat. :-/

4) An email from our head of department asking for suggestions on a certain theme for discussion at a meeting later in the week - none of our ideas will be usable, sadly, but it kept us amused for half an hour!

5) Decided to have a naughty, lazy night after the stresses of the day - no studying, a glass of cider, and chicken inna bun, with mayo, for dinner. :drool:

6) Thank you all - my sandwich made it to number 13, so I've won a minor prize at the least! Thank you all so much! :A mhagster - I think you asked what my sandwich was - it's hummous, avocado, tomato and bacon, with mayonnaise (the set ingredient) on Turkish bread. I'll have to get the ingredients and make myself one this week to celebrate.

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

Game on. Off to a flyer as well.

Bin accused of boxing the game up. Me, never!

Victorious. Win one if the week.

CP CCP. censored

Broomstick

CCP Sorry you've been so messed around with Isis' arrival. Happy sandwich making/eating/'minor prize' winning!

My five pleasures for Monday:

1. Waking up to sunshine.

2. Long chat on phone with friend at teatime.

3. Last load of sports kit in wash atm. Yay!

4. Emptied out the 'pennies pig' and now have £5 in 1p and 2p pieces to take to the bank to be turned into a fiver.:)

5. Getting more and more sorted with all my work paperwork.

Sweet dreams
B x

Kittikins

1. We carved pumpkins

2. DD and her friend carried said pumpkins (they had names too!) around Wa*trose, pretending they were babies.....I pretended I wasn't with them

3. Took them out to pizzzza express for luncheon (using a voucher, naturellement!). They were very appreciative

4. Have got a bit more work done, mere drops in the ocean, but ho hum, it'll all get done eventually!

5. The innards of the pumpkins made a scrummy soup for dinner!

6. Threw myself on the mercy of the librarians as DD and I seem to have lost 2 books but I have a 3-month grace period in which to continue trying to find the darned things!

Purple_kitten

Chicken: Sorry about the fence damage, love the “open plan” idea. It did seem to hit loudly at about 4/5am the house was getting a battering, and the sad fatalities happened not far from here, I didn’t even try to get to work we did the rounds looking around for damage but seem to have survived, but all seems ok, thankfully. Not as bad as the previous storm.
DigforV: The ferrets, I know they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they are wonderful, they live inside with us (they are neutered so don’t have the associated hormonal smell people associate), and we interact with them all of the time, basically they are part of the family and very intelligent clowns, they play absolutely manically. I will dig out some of the you tube videos (any excuse to share)

For Sunday
We made sure that the garden was fairly secure for the storm
We went to visit MIL rather than hibernate from the storm:o
For me that meant looking presentable and even some make up:p
Had a lovely time and some proper laughs:)
It was a windy couple of hours drive home.

For Today
Most of the office was sensible and worked from home:cool:
It was lovely as managed to get bits done I wouldn’t normally get a chance to, in amougst working of course.
Up to date on the washing but had to use the nosiest tumble dryer in the world not mse.
While cooking up todays grub, braised cabbage and sausages, I was wondering what to do with RTC pork, so put it in the casserole pot with apples, cider, any veg leftover and I’ve chucked that in the oven on low, dread to think what it will come out like but hey ho.

lovefullshelves

CCP - glad to hear Isis will be coming home to you Whenever you say that name I keep thinking carry on film and 'Isis, sweet Isis, only 25dinar'
We were all battened down for storm and it missed us *phew* greenhouse still in one piece! Just a little flooding near the front door!
1. Making binbag ghosties with DS's help!! We're decorating friends garden for him like we did last year (but his wife was still alive )
2. 2 baskets of windfall apples, about 25kg! Applesauce anyone??!
3. Leek and bacon gratin for tea...pure winter stodge!
4. DS with his dad at the w/e ;)
5. Trip to Makro and large jars of sweeties!!!
6. Phone call from mommy worrying about storm in UK! Bless her!
I do worry that I'm putting friends daughters nose out of joint by helping him, but he asked. She's not going round on halloween. It might just be cos her mum won't be there this year and we had a memorable night last year. And there's the pension things that he asked me not her to do:undecided Oh well, I just do what he asks when he asks...she can take a while to get around to it!
Big hugs to all those who got a bit blown about xx

Tealady_2

Evening

Glad everyone is safe after the storm with just minor damage to some. Pleasures for today,
1. Bit of a lie in as OH and DD both off today so no packed lunches to make as had done mine last night.
2. Very windy but dry walk to work this morning, certainly woke me up
3. Yummy porridge with apple and cinnamon for breakfast and lunch was left over pasta bolognaise with added roast peppers, onions and mushrooms, very yum
4. Picked up train tickets for mine and DD's trip to Swansea tomorrow and managed to help someone who was trying to get to Luton airport but the lack of trains was causing him an issue, suggested he got a bus into heathrow and got a coach from there. Nice to be able to help.
5. Chicken, cashew nut and noodle soup for dinner with a portion left for the freezer.
6. NSD

Hugs to all who need them

VJsmum

iiiiiiiyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaa

CCP - so sorry mean people put you through that, how unnecessary
Chicken - dad's garden has gone somewhat open plan too

Tucked up in bed, in my jammies waiting for news on lappy

Today's pleasures

1 No ill consequences of wind - no wind at all but some rain. OH and DS took off OK, landed with a bump and promptly got stranded in Hamburg as German trains up the spout due to storm damage
2, after taking them to station, I came back and had a soak in the bath as didn't need to be in work till 11
3. given i'd done no prep, work went really well
4. jacket tato cheese and beans for tea - cheese first, obvs
5. being tucked up in bed with my lappy

hoping for a lie in - I shall be up at 6, therefore

sparrer

Pleased that no-one suffered any great losses during the storm. There was nothing to speak of here, not much wind, a little bit of rain, and glorious sunshine on and off all day.
Pleased to hear CP has agreed to give Isis into your care CCP

1. Took DGD2 out for lunch and shopping, had a Big Mac which I have no shame in saying I love once or twice a year.
2. DGD2 found a smart dress for school, I like that they wear business clothes in 6th form rather than uniform. She also tried on a felt trilby-style hat which really suited her. 'Go on then', sighed Grandma, 'put them on the counter with my socks'. Spoiled brat.
3. Roasted a turkey drumstick in the sc, some for sandwiches, some to freeze
4. Bought a bunch of yellow carnations for 20p. Lots of life in them yet
5. Opened a bank savings account which has a phenomenal rate of interest, will be able to filter a little into it each month, if the gas man doesn't get it first!

Sweet dreams

Frith

Well, I'm going to do what I never do in real life and have a rant. Please feel free to skip to my next post if you don't want to read it!

After this, you will not hear this gentleman's name again (not in this context, anyway).

I have tried to have a little rant before - and even managed to post something on occasions, only to delete it within hours. This post can jolly well stay here. Why it took me over 2 years to work all this out, I don't know.

MrN - ex boyfriend and neighbour, living only 2 metres from my end wall. His kitchen windows (extension) overlook my garden. We share the same path between the houses. His car is parked next to mine in our parking area. His 5th and youngest son is in all bigger son's classes at school. There is no escape.

As a recap, MrN had lived next door for 9 years when his wife left. She was a violent alcoholic (she probably still is!), horrible to him, horrible to the children. After 20 years of marriage, and plenty of affairs, she went off with another man. She is still with that man, 4 years later. Of course, all the problems MrN has, he blames on her. He earns £150,000 a year but has nothing to show for it. Apparently, she ran up huge debts and remortgaged the house and he knew nothing about it. The fact that he comes home even now with a new guitar, motorbike, clothes, each child has his own Xbox etc does make me question just how many problems were all her fault but she certainly was hard work. Every health and other problem each child might have, is her fault. She sees them 2 or 3 times a year and has been gone for 4 years, is 200 miles away, yet still everything is down to her...

Anyway, when MrsN had been gone for just over a year, MrN asked me out. We had always got on well as friends. This was August 2010. Within 2 weeks, MrN got a different job 30 miles away. By his standards, this was very close to home. He asked if I would look after his sons from after school til he got home. His hours were about 9-5 so I worked out he should be home by 6 and bigger son could carry on with scouts etc. My sons were then 7 and 10. MrN's sons were 9, 11, 13 and 15.

And this is where the rot set in. I went round at 4pm each day from September 2010 til May 2011. No cleaning is ever done in that house. So I tried to look after 6 children and clean a bit, put the washing on, put the dishwasher on. Any crockery from the night before would still be there, plus their breakfast stuff. I cooked a meal every night. I cleaned up any dog wee that had accumulated during the day. Then I started letting the dogs out during the day! He then asked me if I would do bigger jobs that took longer like changing the beds (took an hour to change and re-make 5 beds). It was such a shambles and anything that breaks, he doesn't bother to fix. So I got my dad in to fix the boiler (retired British Gas engineer). He asked me to get his shopping whilst at Sainsburys so I did that. He then said he couldn't pay me for it, sometimes not til the next week, once or twice not at all.

His children were ordinary teens and pre-teens. They were never rude to me but had never been told what to do. I would hear how their mother had treated them and feel completely out of my depth with what to say.

His children did not particularly want my children to be there, especially smaller son. Bigger son used to get fed up and come home so I was then dithering about wanting to be in 2 houses at the same time. Smaller son would sit on the sofa crying wanting to have a go on the X Box and they wouldn't let him. (I wanted to burn the bloody X box after a month but MrN went out and bought 3 more - 1 for each son - and they still wouldn't let him have a go!)

The 6 o clock coming home for MrN lasted for 2 days. He would come home at 7, sometimes 8 with no apology or reason why. We had to give up on going to Beavers, homework was rushed and we had no family life at home.

And I NEVER COMPLAINED. :-(

This was stepped up and up. Son 4 has huge health problems and days off school at a time. MrN would ask me to look after him or, on occasion, ring my door bell as he left for work at 8am with son 4, propelling him into my living room for me to look after. One week, I realised I had done 50 hours of child care. MrN looked after smaller son for 3 hours when I had to take bigger son for a scan. That was the only help I ever got back.

The relationship was absolutely terrible but I didn't realise, because it was better than my marriage. We spent no time together at all. He would come home from work, I would get his dinner from the microwave and he would eat it and say "see you tomorrow". I think we probably had 5 meals together in a year.

He refused to tell his children that we were a couple for 4 months (although they knew anyway). I was never introduced to any of his colleagues or friends. In fact, I never met any of them. He never told anyone in the village that we were a couple. He never told his wife and thought it was funny when he relayed a phone conversation they had had when she had got suspicious about me.

And I never complained. I made excuses in my head as to why I wasn't good enough to meet lawyers or that perhaps he was nervous the relationship wouldn't last then he would have to explain where I had gone.

Physically, he was not remotely interested in me. I decided that was my fault too. Looking back, at that time I was a size 12-14, 35 years old and probably average looking. We spent 3 nights together in a year. Nothing happened on two of them. I would go a fortnight at a time without getting a hug. I asked him once (months and months in) if he loved me and his exact words were "Yes, but my head is a mess". He never mentioned love, or even liking me, at any other time.

A month before the end of the relationship, he was getting more dismissive (if that was possible!) His sons 4 and 5 in particular were nasty to smaller son. I mentioned it to him and he said "Well, son 4 doesn't like smaller son's behaviour". Smaller son had been pulled out of his house for a year to watch me care for 4 other boys, is autistic but his being picked on was his fault. I finished caring for his sons when son5 and a horrid boy from the village asked smaller son to go for a walk with them then held him in a headlock and threatened him with a knife. I told MrN - no apology, nothing happened. The day after that, son5 was peeved and I still have "poo" and "bum" written on the wall of my house and "C is a fat, gay !!!!!!" is still written on the village hall in marker pen.

MrN at that point tried a different tack and seemed very put out that I had stopped doing quite so much for him. He ignored me for days at a time (which involved keeping all his curtains shut!) I went round once for a cup of tea and after he handed it to me, he went upstairs. I waited for 40 minutes for him to come back down, then I left quietly. It was my birthday the end of that month and he did not pop round or bring me anything. The next day he said he "couldn't think of the right thing to get".

Then came the day when the curtains were open again and in his kitchen, I could see MrsN. I phoned him 3 times during the day and the story changed gradually from "No, she is never setting foot in my house" to "she is staying in a hotel locally" to eventually "Yes, she is moving back in". I was then accused of being jealous and not trusting him and was dumped in a text message.

OK, that was a ridiculously lengthy recap!

MrN now has a new girlfriend. She is late 50's or early 60's. She has been staying at his house since Friday. And this is where the trouble lies. WHY did I never get to stay at his house? Why, in one week, has she spent more time with him, had more days and nights and meals with him, than I was allowed to have in a whole year?

Why has she been staying, with all his sons in the house, when he would not acknowledge me as his girlfriend to anyone? Why was I such a wreck that I had to be kept a secret?

(I am amused to see she is re-decorating the lounge and taking the much neglected dogs for a walk so he is still getting his money's worth out of his girlfriends!!)

So now I feel incredibly stupid. How can I have thought that doing all that work for another person was right? Why did I not think that I was getting absolutely nothing out of the relationship but that was somehow OK? I've never been in another relationship where the other person wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole but I let that pass too!

I feel that this new lady wouldn't put up with such stupid treatment and that he knows he wouldn't get away with it. But he obviously saw me as potential slave material.

I'm remembering that he would spend 2-3 hours each evening on the phone to MrsN, to the detriment of his boys. He was paying for her car loan, paying her rent and letting her still claim child benefit although he was the one with the children 100% of the time. Why did I not question that? She told me once (we got on quite well) that she had put the divorce paperwork in place and had begged him to just sign it but he never would.

I actually feel quite shaky and sick, not because of the new girlfriend really but because I am remembering how awful it all was. I feel guilty that my sons had to go round there for nearly a year while I was chasing my tail just trying to cook for 8 people and clear enough tat off the kitchen table that we could sit down and eat. I also feel guilty for all my friends who got a glare from me when they pointed out how repulsive he was being. His PARENTS invited me round for a cup of tea while he was at work and spent 20 minutes telling me that I should "look after myself" and that he was "taking advantage" and that they wanted me to be OK. :-(

AND as the only witness to what my ex husband was like, when I asked him to provide a witness statement he said he wouldn't as he was too scared.

Every time I think about him now, I do an involuntary sneer, I'm surprised no one has noticed! I feel ridiculous and stupid.