friend slept with family friend but his partner died only two months ago :(

cakeordeath_2

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

i should have worded it right by saying he was never really my friend he was more my friends partner, he always cheated on her and they broke up a few times so i had some dislike to him anyway

but coming away from that what i have just said speaking to my best friend this morning who's sister it was the sister has said that nothing happened.

so the next question is why would he lie?

i would ask him myself but i'm not a big fan of the bloke even before this he was my partners friend while i was friends with his partner.

thank you for all the replies though.

This possibly sheds a different light on the moment, if he disrespected her when she was alive then he's not likely to be any different when she's not there to hold him accountable, and he's not likely to respect your friend's sister either, incidently she may be lying 'cos she feels bad, if so she needs to learn to respect herself a bit more and not get drunk and get herself into situations she might regret later.

Still it's not really your problem and it seems you're only really hurting yourself by becoming involved, forget him, he's not worth your time and he can no longer hurt your friend nor will his actions make anyone think any less of her.

Primrose

We all have our own personal standards of behaviour, especially how we think other people should act after they have been bereaved. I discovered that my brother was developing a new relationship only three months after his wife had died and was surprised to say the least. I could easily have berrated him for behaving 'improperly' as I saw it but am glad I kept my mouth shut because I could not possibly know how he was feeling or grieving inwardly. It has transpired that his new partner is a lovely lady of whom I have become very fond. Far better to keep your feelings on this issue to yourself.

dwichmann

windswept wrote: »

Using a drunk young woman for "comfort" is vile, no matter how much he is grieving.
If she was very drunk, she wasn't in a coherent state to even give consent.
He can't be that bothered about the loss of his partner imho.

where does it say she didnt give consent?

KiwiB

Reading the OP's post made me think of this article:
Confessions of a scarlet widow: How I used sex to get over my husband's death

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1199207/Confessions-scarlet-widow-How-I-used-sex-husbands-death.html

I don't post often, but would encourage her to read it - it made me cry, and certainly made me read this thread in a different light.

windswept

The OP said that he was sober and she was drunk, not a very appropriate situation for fully consensual sex.

If it had been my 20 year old daughter then he would now be taking liquidised food.

I hope he feels as bad as he should, but I doubt it if that's the type of man he is.

robin_banks

I always take these threads with a pinch of....

mumslave

erm well i was 20 when i met my husband whom was 30, now 25 and 35. SO the age gap means diddly squat to me. I can see why you would be hurt by what the partner did...but after a drink fuelled party, perhaps he just missed being close to someone. Not ideal no, but grief hits us all in funny ways. I cant tell you what to do, but maybe try not to write him off quite just yet, for all you know, he may feel terrible about it.

essexgirly

I think it's a difficult thing to judge, and I really dont think that there should be too much judgment, every single one of us deals with our emotions in a different way and grieving processes affect people differently. Both of these people had been in bad places (your friends husband and the girl he was with at the party) perhaps they connected and made each other feel better at that particular time.

Nobody knows how they would react in any situation unless faced with one themselves.

My thoughts would be to forget about it and just keep your fond memories of your friend in your head and let yourself grieve in your own way

vik6525

windswept wrote: »

The OP said that he was sober and she was drunk, not a very appropriate situation for fully consensual sex.

If it had been my 20 year old daughter then he would now be taking liquidised food.

I hope he feels as bad as he should, but I doubt it if that's the type of man he is.

Im sorry, but your post is an absolute load of nonsense.
You're pretty much implying that the man raped the 20 year old.

Which is just the most stupid thing Ive ever heard.

A 20 year old WOMAN is entitled to sleep with whomever she wants, whenever she wants, wherever she wants. Drunk or sober, its up to her.
At no point in the initial post does the OP even vaguely suggest that theres anything 'untoward' gone on apart from the man having recently lost his wife and her 'suspicions', due to the fact that she doesnt like this man anyway. You're seeing things that simply arent there.
Which leads me to believe that you have a very twisted mind.

Morglin

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

i just need to no how other people would react because i am not sure how i am meant to react.

my friend who passed away two months ago's partner came to a party at another friends house, hadn't drunk at all took me home and i went over yesterday to find out that he had slept with a family friend 10 years his junior he's 30 she's 20 and my reaction was i dont want to see him i am fuming mad that he could have done this to my poor friend who passed away but then i was getting told by a male mate that i should judge and when should someone stop mourning and start shagging again

i donno it did make me think but at the same time he took advantage of this young girl who was drunk and has had a bad time lately and he disrespected my friend who isn't even cold in her grave yet and that makes me anger.

what your reaction be if this happened to you?



thanks

Stay out of it - we all react differently to things, and this may be his way of coping.

Lin