friend slept with family friend but his partner died only two months ago :(

fly_dragon_fly

i just need to no how other people would react because i am not sure how i am meant to react.

my friend who passed away two months ago's partner came to a party at another friends house, hadn't drunk at all took me home and i went over yesterday to find out that he had slept with a family friend 10 years his junior he's 30 she's 20 and my reaction was i dont want to see him i am fuming mad that he could have done this to my poor friend who passed away but then i was getting told by a male mate that i should judge and when should someone stop mourning and start shagging again

i donno it did make me think but at the same time he took advantage of this young girl who was drunk and has had a bad time lately and he disrespected my friend who isn't even cold in her grave yet and that makes me anger.

what your reaction be if this happened to you?



thanks

aliasojo

I'd think we all react differently and it was none of my damned business.

MrsE_2

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

i donno it did make me think but at the same time he took advantage of this young girl who was drunk and has had a bad time lately and he disrespected my friend who isn't even cold in her grave yet and that makes me anger.

what your reaction be if this happened to you?



thanks

I don't think the age difference is that shocking.
I think grief makes peopler do funny things. I guess he's very lonely & wanted to touch & connect with another human being in the intimate way that sex connects you.

shellsuit

aliasojo wrote: »

I'd think we all react differently and it was none of my damned business.

Agree with this BUT, if I were you, I'd probably feel the same way (angry and upset), but deep down I'd know I had no room to judge as I'd never been in that situation so wouldn't know what I'd do.

PrincessPlaty

I agree with aliasojo im afraid!

Not even sure what brought it up but i was having a conversation with some friends of mine the other day one of them mentioned she had done a similar thing the day after her partners funeral she said as bad as she felt by doing it, it helped her through the grieving process as she just needed to feel the closeness from somebody else so that she didnt feel alone anymore.

People have different ways of dealing with grief and i really dont think it is down to you to judge anyone else, even if it is not what you would do yourself.

amersall

personally i think your friends partner is still grieving, it may just have been the need to be with someone, i would not judge him too harshly. how long must people mourn? forever and a day may not seem long enough to most people, but life goes on, he may regret this moment of madness and i wouldnt judge him too quickly. i am sorry for the loss of your friend and you have my sympathy xxx by the way i have been married 28 years and i have said to my husband that if i pass away before him he must not sit grieving for me, my life will be over but that doesnt mean his has to be too

BrownBear

This has happened to me. My friend died July 2001, and in the October, her 38 year old husband slept with, and started a relationship with, a 19 year old woman. At first I was devasted, as they had two young children who were still grieving for their mother, and this woman moved straight in. Everbody was angry and upset, and lots of tears were shed between our family and friends. As I saw him and his children every day, I had to talk to her and realised it wasn't her fault, she just met a man and fell in love.....but I felt so guilty to my friend, and wrestled with lots of emotions.
Basically, its happened now, your friend was probably feeling lonely and things happen when you aren't yourself, emotions running high.....try not to give him such a hard time. A lot of men cannot cope on their own, and need a woman. Try talking to him, he might be wrecked with guilt and need someone to talk too.

cakeordeath_2

I do understand you feelings, you obviously cared deeply for your friend and this is a hard thing to see when you miss her so much and haven't got over your loss.

I might suggest that it's possible he is feeling very lonely and wanted some comfort and by choosing someone who he feels wouldn't dream of wanting a relationship from him, he got a bit of closeness without (hopefully on his part) any strings.

He probably loved your friend very much and isn't meaning to disrespect her but just misses that female contact. It's still often a part of mourning that he's trying to work through. He has to find away of living again, he might be making a mess of it, but he's got to move on.

Rockporkchop

I'd say please don't judge him. The guy is only 30 and has lost his partner - he and this girl were probably using each other that night for a bit of comfort.

I lost two close family members together a couple of years ago and when I look back at some of things I said and did for a while afterwards, I barely recognise myself. Grief does the strangest things to a person.

Don't let this turn you against the guy, he really will need the support of all his friends.

windswept

Using a drunk young woman for "comfort" is vile, no matter how much he is grieving.
If she was very drunk, she wasn't in a coherent state to even give consent.
He can't be that bothered about the loss of his partner imho.

woody01

he had slept with a family friend 10 years his junior he's 30 she's 20

Good for him......back in the saddle and all that.

Maybe you should just keep your nose out as it has nothing to do with you.