really don't know what to do with my son.......

Lunar_Eclipse

Becles wrote: »

The best one was called "choices and consequences". You tell the child to do something and there are two options, and the child has to pick which he wants to do. For example, you would say "I'd like you to tidy your bedroom before lunch. If you do that, you can have an hour on the xbox this afternoon. If you don't tidy it, you won't be allowed on the xbox."

Choices and consequences are a normal part of everyday life and therefore a natural, practical and positive way to raise children. The exception is when used as a means of control, as in the above example (which I appreciate is only an example). Everyone is entitled to have equal needs, love and respect. Distraction over.

Hugs to the OP. I think there could be a few things going on with your son. The first thing I thought about was his hearing. Additionally I would focus on his speech, since communication is possibly the most under rated but important life skill there is to master. I am convinced that most toddlers who don't tantrum simply have great communication skills (often advanced speech) and thus can communicate well, avoiding the frustration levels that start tantrums.

Additionally, he may also be suffering other conditions such as dyslexia and previously mentioned ADHD, or simply be a late developer. It could be many things, or nothing. Thus I would actually get him privately assessed by an Educational Psychologist asap, but ideally one from your new area since they often recommend schools suited to the needs of the child being tested. This will include IQ, so you will have a rough idea as to his underlying academic ability. They are not cheap however. My friend has just paid £400 to have her daughter tested, but should be worth every penny.

Carrera74

jellyhead wrote: »

Sorry this is such a long post, I just wanted to add that I'm an a parenting course. It's called Webster-Stratton but also 'incredible years' as has been mentioned by another poster. I think these courses would be helpful to most parents, but they just never get to hear about them. I only found it because there was a poster up at my youngest's nursery (in the same building where the course is being run). It may be worth asking your health visitor for your youngest, school nurse for eldest etc. or just calling your nearest surestart centre when you've moved and asking if there is a course and if there are spaces. The course is not just for children with special needs, it's for everyone. My boy isn't diagnosed with special needs anyhow, he has no label.
.

I think this course should be made available to all parents. I think everyone can get something out of this course whether your child has behavioural problems or not

boltonangel

Hi

Just thought i would update you all on what's happening now that I finally have the internet back!

We moved house last month and despite it taking 4 weeks to get him into a school all was going ok.
He started school and he said he loved it and had made friends. On day 3 he came out of school and pointed to 2 boys who he said had been bullying him. I immediately went back into school to report this and was told to go back in the day after to report it.
When I dropped him off for school that morning I went into class and spoke with the teacher who was shocked at what had happened (the boys put their hands over ds's mouth at one point so that he couldn't tell anyone) but from my description of the boys knew who it was saying that they had had previous problems with these boys.

I left ds at school happy that it would be dealt with.

At 2pm my DH received a call at work demanding that we come and collect ds from school as there had been an 'incident'. My dh went straight away and was confronted by a rather angry headmistress who led my dh to my ds who was locked in the staff room (because they couldn't control him (!) )

When my dh obviously asked what had happened the staff said they didn't properly know but that ds had become agitated and aggresive during playtime and they thought it best that we take him home for the day. My dh agreed and ds came home. This was on Friday afternoon.

On sunday morning I received a call from the head saying that she thought it would be best if ds didn't return to school on monday......or indeed until she could establish if he should return at all.

I was shocked and simply agreed and she carried on saying that if ds had hit a child with the rock he could have killed them. I was confused at this point but she rang off.

On the monday afternoon I still hadn't heard anything from school and ds was refusing to tell us what had happened so I rang the school.
I spoke to the head and asked for the full story as we hadn't been informed of a rock being involved when we collected him. She then told me that she had told dh (she hadn't) so i asked her to explain to me.
She explained that whilst at playtime ds had been chasing the 2 'bullies' around the playground and that the staff had become scared of this behaviour and made the entire school go into the hall and ds then became angry and refused to go in.
Some teachers (3) then walked towards ds and he picked up a 'rock' and threatened to throw it at them by holding it in a 'throwing' position. He then apparantely was talked into dropping the rock and taken to the staff room.

My problem with all this is that the only thing ds has said is that the bullies were chasing him (which i am inclined to believe as i cannot see two known bullies being chased by one new boy) I pointed this out to the head who responded by saying that the staff were confused by what was happening so in actual fact she didn't know either way!!!!!

I then asked why when they were informed of ds's bullying they appear to have let it happen again. She said that there were extra staff on just to look after ds to which i asked how it could have possibly escalated like that then and she had no answers.

I also asked if it was a rock that my ds picked up what was it doing in the playground at all and also explained that although ds was in the wrong by doing it in the 1st place it did not mean that he intended to actually throw it and that if 3 grown ups had cornered me when i was a child i would have been scared.



Whilst I completely acknowledge that ds was wrong in his actions I also feel for him as he has told his parents about being bullied which we have always drilled into him and from his point of view we let it continue after promising to sort it.
speaking to other parents in the area it has become apparent that the school has a major bullying problem and the head is well known for ignoring it.
I mentioned this to her and she flat out denied any bullying at the school!!! I then pointed out that a school without any bullying is unheard of it's how a school deals with it that counts.

It is fair to say that the head and I have come to blows over this, with her talking over me and treating me like a pupil.

In the end DS was suspended for 4 days and is now back on half days until further notice (good job i don't work anymore!) with a support worker with him at all times.

I have written to the governors to discuss the matter further and have a meeting with them this wk.

I should also mention that during our phonecall the head mentioned that she never wanted ds at the school to begin with as she couldn't cater for his special needs which is why she delayed his admission! he is already behind without her doing that!

Since my last post I took ds to our new gp who has referred him to a child psychologist so we are just waiting for an appointment.

Sorry for the long post but i needed to vent!

I really don't know what to do next.

tandraig

Is there another school he could go to? this one is obviously not good for him.
or - alternatively could you home school him until he sees the psychologist? sympathise hun but until you get diagnosis you feel is correct YOU are in a sort of Limbo arent you?
have you researched ADHD Autistic Spectrum Disorders? many of the websites offer coping strategies and advice on getting help. there is also the autistic and Aspergers thread on here - have you posted on there? am sure the lovely people there would be able to help.

Money_maker

Bump - in case anyone else can help

boltonangel

Hi

There's no other schools in the new area- we're already having to send him to one in the next village as it is.

I doubt he would get a new school now with this being on his record as well as him being sen.

tandraig

er - the local authority HAS to offer him a place hun. its every childs right to recieve an education. your problem is that the head of his school is not understanding of his needs. hardly surprising as she thinks from previous school 'oh trouble here'. and you are awaiting psychologist appointment. is there a SENCO at the school you could speak to? if not would strongly suggest you deregister him and home school him until you have diagnosis.
this school is not helping him or you! its stressful for you and your OH and its causing probs for your son. get on to gp again and tell him its URGENT you see psychologist as you are taking son out of school if they dont get help for him.

boltonangel

Hi

There is a SENCO at the new school and I have a meeting with her this week also.
I don't really know what I am hoping for from my meeting with the Governors but I wanted to know I had done everything in my power to help. I also wanted to get a full and frank explanation from all concerned. The head was VERY nervous today when the chair of the governors was talking to us to arrange the meeting.
I will chase the GP tomorrow morning, although I know from last time they are still awaiting medical records for us all. (I went for an appt, waited an hour and was told they couldn't do anything without my records!)

mazinmouse

Probably my input is late or not necessarily appropriate but when I read that your GP at the time said your son was too quiet to have adhd, I wondered if maybe ADD ie adhd without the hyperactivity might be another potential diagnosis. Many GPs are ignorant of the adhd spectrum and there are variations. I am ADD with a fair old splash of impulsiveness! I was good at school but had my moments (mainly caused by frustration or fear through not understanding what was going on - I missed chunks of the day by my mind wandering)

Hope all went as hoped re your meeting - though appreciate now is several weeks ago.