really don't know what to do with my son.......

Gingham_Ribbon

The best thing I did for our oldest child was to pay for a private assessment by an educational psychologist. Here's a way of finding an accredited psychologist.

If the school will pay for it, so much the better. But I'd advise you to be wary of having the child assessed in school. A neutral environment may give a better view of what's going on. It cost us £450 and we had to travel 100 miles to find one who specialised in our son's particular issues. Everything changed once we knew how his brain ticked and what we could do to help him. And having something to show his teachers helped him too.

Your GP sounds like a prat. I'd ask for a second opinion and make sure you're listened to.

Good luck.

Indie_Kid

mandy.h wrote: »

i struggled for years was embarred by his ways, behaviour was fobbed of by gp my son had allsorts and hgp even questioned my parenting skills.

This happened with my brother and even the ed psych said the same thing. Seems odd that my sister and I were brought up the same way and had no problems...:rolleyes:

4 years later, he was diagnosed with Aspergers. His behaviour is ok now.

would claiming dla for him mean i couldn't work at all?........

As it has already been said, you working isn't affected. If your son is awarded mid or high rate care, you can claim carer's allowance. If you claim this, you can only earn (after NI and pension, I think?) £95 per week and have to care for your son for 35 hours per week.

Carrera74

Just wanted to add that my DS was just like your son when he was his age. He's now 12 and we have a diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder ( higher functioning).

I nearly had a nervous breakdown because of his behaviour and had never heard of ASD. I thought I was just a rubbish parent although my daughter was angelic lol.

I attended the parenting courses run by Webster Stratton (Incredible Years). Get in touch with your school nurse or ring the GP surgery and ask for the health visitor/school nurse team for the details of local courses. I went on this before I had heard of ASD and it helped no end. Structure and praising the good things work a treat! It's so easy to get hooked up noticing the bad behaviour. There’s a book available and worth getting from the library if you are unable to get to the group due to your husband’s long hours although the one I attended did have a crèche. It was held at the local Surestart centre.

Good luck and go see a different GP. Mine didn’t even see my son, he just referred us to CAMHS after hearing me go on about his behaviour. I’d recommend keeping a diary too to show the professionals when you finally get to see them.

Keep up with the good work and we’re here to help if we can J

mandy.h_2

well dla woman came
ds did really well struggled with some questions but it was how she asked more than him not knowing answers.

outcome is he gets his own money from 16 and has to manage it himself.
she was impressed with his communication skills and his honesty about how he felt talking to people.

when asked how he would manage his bank account cos he needs to talk to people he said "thats what online banking is for" bless

shazrobo

my heart goes out to you OP, i have twin sons, and mine were as you described sometimes quiet and calm in school, other times violent, frequent temper tantrums etc. one was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 yrs of age, the other didnt get a diagnosis til he was 11, as they all said he was just copying his brother .
anyway since the age of 11, both have attended special schools, which has been a great help, as there are smaller classes, and lessons etc are suited to there needs.
the violence hasnt stopped tho, i get regularly assaulted, one son has just received a 3 month referal order to youth offending team through the courts.
both sons are 14 now, and still regularly having temper tantrums etc, and i feel so embarressed when out with them, but sometimes they are so polite, you wouldnt think they were the same kids.
i receive dla at the highest rate for care for both of them, as they need 24 hour care, and i use the money to pay for a sitter to enable me to have the occaisonal night out, and also for the extra costs involved, eg when things set broken etc. i cant work as my family refuse to look after them both, double trouble lol. but i do make sure i visit friends and have my own interests, that i go to when the kids in school. the isolation can be very very lonely otherwise.
just wanted you to know your not alone
shaz x

boltonangel

thanks again everyone.

As I've been packing up for our move in two weeks and i worked my last shift at work yesterday a relative came and looked after the kids and ds was a little angel. This morning when we were getting ready to drop the relative off at home ds had a massive outburst and neither of us could control him (this was over him being asked to get dressed) in the end i put him in the car with his jeans unfastened because he wouldn't do it and no shoes on!!!! Right now he's sat with me playing lego with his baby brother as though he was the perfect child!

i'm dreading the forthcoming house move because despite the fact that my dh will be working less it also means that i am so far away from any family support etc and wouldn't even know how to go about getting a babysitter let alone one that could/would deal with ds's outbursts. It's not that I go out a lot, but I just need that break sometimes.

I also think that dh thinks I am trying to label ds with condition(s) that he doesn't have because dh NEVER has to deal with ds on his own and doesn't know how difficult it is for me. All dh keeps saying is that ds is just a naughty child and getting 'labelled' will be bad for him in the long term........what i'm thinking is that if this carries on like this I don't know how much longer I can cope!

boltonangel

ps. I looked up dla briefly this week and don't know how ds would fit into the categories for receiving it.

mandy.h_2

boltonangel

dont worry about oh the penny will drop about your ds eventually it took my oh till he was 11 and on a family holiday with meltdowns everyday to realise and get on board his exact words were "hes not right " we need help.doh been saying it for years to him.

as for dla when you get the form itd split into areas such as feeding sleeping and dressing so for dressing you would describe your worst day trying to get ds dressed like today. and then there is a section on moods and behaviour thats were ours fit in.

my ds gets his cos even though we do it every day if i did not tell him to get up dressed and do his teeth he would not do it. were trying a list now on his door to give him more independance. my main battles at the moment are over eating his diet is appalling and yes some days i just give in and let him eat c**p good luck with the move as this could really upset your ds for a while if he is on spectrum

well of to start my new job today as a specialist asperger nurse in community must be a gluten for punishment.

Indie_Kid

If you do plan on applying for dla get someone to help you.

have you had his hearing checked at all?

boltonangel

thanks again!

We have the same problem with ds and his food. He isn't fat, but it's only a matter of time because he just keeps eating and eating!!!!

We haven't had his ears tested yet because I'm going to wait until the house move to properly start the ball rolling on finding out what's wrong witrh him.

This morning I got up and dh had gotten ds dressed and ready for school and i didn't hear any screams or tantrums......from either of them!

jellyhead

That's nice - but it doesn't mean you're at fault just because he would have had a tantrum for you. You fall into patterns, and both of you are probably so stressed about the whole experience knowing what usually happens before he even starts to get dressed - if that makes sense?

My son is 13 now and hovers near a diagnosis but is, to quote the lovely man from CAMHS recently, not quite autistic or dyspraxic enough to attract a diagnosis. He recognises that my son is very young and immature for his age in addition to being a summer birthday, and says he will do all he can to get extra time in exams etc. for my boy just to try and give him enough time to complete exams well enough to pass, because he needs the extra couple of years while he'd be at college to mature and become a teenager instead of a little boy. He wouldn't cope in the real world if he left school after GCSEs at 15 - he's just so 'young'.

CAMHS seem helpful from what I've heard - one mum says they were useless for her but I've heard many more say they helped a lot. We were referred through school after my son lost his temper and stabbed 2 boys with a compass. Until he was 13 school were never worried about him, he was quiet and perfectly behaved, very obedient. As you say, it makes you think it must be you that's causing the problem if he behaves at school.

A lot of people have told me that it might be that he feels safe with me, secure about being loved unconditionally so he lets out all of frustration when he's with me. I don't know how true that is, there is also an element of me not being very good in arguments, so I don't really help things, I make him even angrier because I don't know when to shut up. The man from CAHMS hinted that I might be autistic/dyspraxic/both.

Sorry this is such a long post, I just wanted to add that I'm an a parenting course. It's called Webster-Stratton but also 'incredible years' as has been mentioned by another poster. I think these courses would be helpful to most parents, but they just never get to hear about them. I only found it because there was a poster up at my youngest's nursery (in the same building where the course is being run). It may be worth asking your health visitor for your youngest, school nurse for eldest etc. or just calling your nearest surestart centre when you've moved and asking if there is a course and if there are spaces. The course is not just for children with special needs, it's for everyone. My boy isn't diagnosed with special needs anyhow, he has no label.

I am hoping this course will give me tips on what to do/say differently when he has a temper tantrum. They are not frequent, so it hasn't come up yet, but when he was younger this course would have been a godsend. The incredible years textbook says ages 3-8 but that's just a guide, and it's a 13 year old I wanted help with. My 4 year old is fine but I'm picking up tips to help him with things like learning to get dressed by himself without screaming.

There is another parenting course I've seen a poster for, called triple P but I don't know the details. There might be something locally and it could help the two of you to communicate better and stop tantrums from escalating. The course I'm on has a creche for younger children, and it's very relaxed. Nobody judges or criticises you, and you won't be referred to social services if you admit to yelling etc. like some people think - I know some parents are suspicious of parenting courses but they really are just to help make family life better - you don't have to say anything about your home life if you don't want to.