really don't know what to do with my son.......

boltonangel

I know this isn't in the right board, but don't know where else to put it.



I have sons aged 7yrs and 19months.
Whilst my youngest son is well behaved and a pleasure to be with my other son is not.
I know this is really awful to think let alone say but I just don't know what i am going to do about my eldest sons behaviour.
Ever since he was a baby he has been difficult, always crying and never pacified whatever we have done. As a toddler he was much the same and it hasn't improved despite him now being 7.
He will not listen to what he is told and is seriously affecting family life. We can't go anywhere because the eldest son will more often than not have some sort of tantrum which means people will turn around and wonder what the hell we are doing letting a child his age act like this (it's made even worse that he is up to my shoulder height already so I really struggle to restrain him if he starts kicking out etc)
I never went to a doctor about his behaviour because he was always well behaved at nursery and then at school so assumed it was something we were doing wrong at home. However, recently there have been incidents at school that have concerned me. The worst being when he nipped his teacher and when the headmistress came to restrain him because he was having a shouting fit that disturbed the whole class he ran out and locked himself in the playground.
I took him to the GP last week and explained everything and the only thing he said was that it was food colourings. Now I am not stupid and one of the very first things I did with him as a toddler was cut them out of his diet to no avail. I explained this to the doctor but he just brushed my concerns off.
I really don't know what to do.....he isn't starved off time,love or affection. I am now a stay at home mum working just one day a week.
Even that one day a week is now going to havve to come to an end because the last of our relatives have refused to look after him. Every single relative that has looked after him while I'm at work has had enough and can't control him so have refused to have him again (that's on both sides of the family).
He is also on the SEN register at school because he is so far behind the class in his schoolwork. He has problems with his speech and has seen a therapist for this last year, although it's gone back to how it was now.
More often than not I am on my own with the kids as my husband works long long hours at work.
I really don't know what to do for the best and feel like I've failed. I see other children his age acting 'normally' and reading etc and look at my son who cannot concentrate at anything other than lego!
I'm sorry for such a long post but I simply don't know where to turn (I'm in tears now as I write this)

McKneff

Please dont be upset, none, absolutely none of this is your fault.

Really, i would go back to your doctor and ask to be referred.
Ask to see another doctor at the same surgery if you have not had any understanding from the first doctor.

Things arent right and it will only get worse. I dont want to say anymore than that, my friends son was the same 3 years ago and is now a perfectly well ajdusted little, (well, not so little now lol)

How does your husband feel about all this. It seems that you are shouldering it all.

Please get some help - its not fair on you or your other little boy.

fantasia322

hate to say it, but sounds classically Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Its easy to place labels on children, but it cant hurt to have it checked out.

Little_Vics

Sorry to agree, but does sound a bit like adhd....youth-worker-Vics x

jammy26

Have you thought about attending a parenting course? Many people think they are only for 'bad' parents which is not the case at all. It would give you strategies to deal with his challenging behaviour which you could share with other family members and most importantly would give you access to a support network of other parents whose children have challenging behaviour. I have just completed the Incredible Years course which is brilliant but there are many other courses out there.

ifits

wrote a long reply and it wiped it

I would go and speak to the school's senco tell them your worries and ask if they could arrange an education psycologist assessment, they should be able to do this without any involvment of your GP although it would be nice if they were a little more helpful. If he has an assessment you may have a good idea of what is going off and will be able to try getting any extra help he needs.
The other thing I would suggest just to rule it out if nothing else is to get a proper hearing test for him..you may need the GP for that one.. it may seem silly as your thinking he can hear but he will know no different if his hearing is not good and kids can hide it amazingly well (speaking as a mum who's dd can hardly hear but can fake for england) hearing loss can cause a lot of behaviour and learning problems if it goes unnoticed.

And don't hide away because of his behaviour no child is perfect no matter how much there parent tuts at you as they go past. 9/10 if you keep watching 10 mins later there child is having a meltdown over one thing or another, every parent wants that big hole in the floor to open up at some point..as a mum of one healthy monkey, one nearly deaf one and a very ill and disabled one I get stared at every day but you need to bite your lip and get on or the whole family will miss out. Even if it's a fake one you stick on your face and carry on

BitterAndTwisted

You and your little boy need help to address his behaviour. No parent is born an expert in these matters. He's obviously not a happy little chap by the sounds of it, so your frustration could be making him feel worse about something he doesn't have any control over or have the life-experience to deal with.

If your GP is useless I'd have a chat with the school. They are the ones with access to all kinds of resources. You just need to ask

jackieglasgow

ifits wrote: »

wrote a long reply and it wiped it

I would go and speak to the school's senco tell them your worries and ask if they could arrange an education psycologist assessment, they should be able to do this without any involvment of your GP although it would be nice if they were a little more helpful. If he has an assessment you may have a good idea of what is going off and will be able to try getting any extra help he needs.
The other thing I would suggest just to rule it out if nothing else is to get a proper hearing test for him..you may need the GP for that one.. it may seem silly as your thinking he can hear but he will know no different if his hearing is not good and kids can hide it amazingly well (speaking as a mum who's dd can hardly hear but can fake for engeland) hearing loss can cause a lot of behaviour and learning problems if it goes unnoticed.

And don't hide away because of his behaviour no child is perfect no matter how much there parent tuts at you as they go past. 9/10 if you keep watching 10 mins later there child is having a meltdown over one thing or another, every parent wants that big hole in the floor to open up at some point..as a mum of one health monkey, one nearly deaf one and a very ill and disabled one I get stared at every day but you need to bite your lip and get on or the whole family will miss out. Even if it's a fake one you stick on your face and carry on

That's exactly what I would say. These type of things sometimes don't really show up until this age. Demand an assessment from the school Ed Psych. and get the ball rolling from there. IS your SLTherapist attached to a pediatrician? Ask them how to get referred for a diagnosis for an Autistic Spectrum Disorder or ADHD.

Unfortunately you will probably have to be the pushy mum. Good luck.

Jackie X

nickyhutch

Talk to your school nurse. She can do all the signposting and referring you need. It will mean you have an advocate to do your fighting with you.

space_rider

Have they done any medical tests to see if there is anything wrong. Is there a reason for him having poor speech?

My daughter has health problems and recently is getting behind as she is now unable to keep up with her peers. We see the community paediatrician and through them it is easier to access other services.

He maybe frustrated because of his speech problems and also because he is getting more conscious that he is not like the other children.

I find the supernanny rules really good with my daughter who is now 9.

cavework

Hi .. firstly please don't beat yourself up over this, you sound a fantastic parent.
Has his hearing been tested?
I only ask this because of the speech difficulties..and as other posters have said .. this could really be the problem.
Please don't panic, he will grow up and the BIG hugs you will get when he is a man will make up for all the worries you have while he is little.
xxx