do people know when they are near the end of their life?!

choille

My Mother has dementia & is very confused & forgets who has died.

But I do think that people do know in some way. My OH's mother was very ill in hospital and the last time I saw her she grabbed me for a cuddle & thanked me. The strength in that hug was unbeliveable, she had withered to nothing with cancer. I never saw her again. She did 'wait' until she'd thanked everyone - it was so moving & so incredibly kind of her.

I had an elederly neighbour who appeared well, but I popped in one day & he told me that Mary had been in the garden (Mary was his deceased wife) and she had beckoned to him. He died the next day.
I have lost quite a few close people this last few years & sometimes I feel them near - not because I feel I'm dying, just them being supportive.

Yes - people do see their departed loved ones - they appear to comfort them in their hours of need.
I truly believe that.

samboette

I'm more of a lurker than a poster on this site but felt inclined to add my experiences on this subject.

Firsty when my Gran passed away 7 years ago, she was also seeing people in the hospital ward she was on. I think she also waited to see me before she passed away. I was the only one unable to get to the hospital to see her for the week she was in because I was working at a new job. I eventually got to see her, she was speaking about people visiting her with baskets of fruit....there was no fruit or baskets. She the told me when I went home to make sure my Dad and I had the Stew she had made us (she used to send home a massive pan of this to us), I told her I would make sure of this. We spent a couple of hours chatting normally. Then my Aunt (one of her Daughters) and some cousins came to visit, so I gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her i'd be up to see her the next day. She didn't reply, just smiled. On the way home I stopped off in the pub to see my other cousin, but wasn't in the mood to stay out, so decided to go home. As I was walking in the door, my Dad was walking out saying they had a call from the hospital telling him my Gran didn't have long. She died at 2045 with her Sons and Daughters around her. Exactly what she wanted. Only a an hour or so from when I left.

My second experience was with my Dad. He died 4 years ago in September, on my birthday of all days. He was ill with Cancer and the weeks up to his passing he was seeing and speaking to all sorts of people, even arguing with his Dad, who had passed away in 1980. He didn't seem scared of the people he could see and took comfort in them being there. Although it was hard for us to except at first, we knew that his time was near. The one thing that really gets me believing is that one day I was sitting with my Dad in the bedroom and he started talking to me about my Aunt Mary (who i'm named after, she also passed away in 1976, 2 years before I was born), she had a step-son called Jimmy, who lived up near Kent. My Dad told me that Jimmy was down here and that he had seen him walking down the road with a pint of milk and wearing a dark suit. I didn't disagree but knew he couldn't have because my Dad was bed bound for a start and that Jimmy didn't even live down here now. I told my Mum later that day was he had said, as we often spoke about who had seen and spoken to that day, we began to find it fascinating.

Well that following Monday my Dad was due at the hospice for a blood transfusion, my Mum went with him. During the day my Mum went out for some fresh air. By the door a man said Hello Jan, what are you doing here? When she looked around it was Jimmy......well you can imagine my Mum's face. She explained the situation and told him what my Dad had said. He went to visit my Dad. When he left my Dad said, see I told you he was down. It turns out Jimmy's Wife's Father also had Cancer and was in the Hospice as well, her Father died that day and obviously Jimmy attended the funeral that week, hence the dark suit.

Loads of things like this happened during this time, far to many to mention. He wouldn't let my mum undress if he there was 'someone' in the room, he wouldn't use the comode either for the same reason. We had to tell them to leave! lol.

The weekend before he passed, I was due to go out for a birthday meal with my Friends but didn't want to go. My Dad made a fuss that I had to go and was offering me money, on top of the birthday money he had already made sure he'd given me. He'd also got wind of a conversation i'd had with my Mum about moving in with 2 Friends. He told me I wasn't to waste money on renting when there was a perfectly good home here. That was the Saturday morning............Saturday afternoon he was still talking to us and the other people. I started to get ready, showered etc. I went in to check on him before I went out and he was sleeping, he pretty much stayed like that until the end. He passed away at 1810 on my birthday.

The only person he didn't mention of seeing or speaking to whilst he was ill was my Aunt Mary, who he was very close to. We think she may have come to get him.

I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else but I dream of him at times, especially if i'm down or something bad has happened and in the dream he always cuddles me. I always remember and wake up comforted by this.

So yes I believe in the after life and believe that some people know or wait for their time to come.

We can't discount what my Dad said or what the other people on the various posts have said before they passed or in fact even those that have Dementia because we are not in the place they are. No one has come back to tell us any different. Until then i'm comforted to know my Dad is with family and friends.

Miss you Dad.......hope you're looking after K for us!!!

fatou256

a friend of a friend .. ! lol explained to me that a lady friend was on her last days due to terminal cancer . she was heavily sedated the week before she died and was mos tof the time sleeping. On her last day she woke up , feeling very energetic and decided tht it was time do a party . she called all of her friend , invited them . then at night she put some music one dance a bit and gave soem joke . then when she felt tired so she went upstair to have a nap and she went away in her sleep while her friend were downstair .

Lunar_Eclipse

ceridwen wrote: »

I dont think there's any hard and fast rule about these things at all. Each particular "case" has to be "judged on its merits" at the time.

I agree with this.

Some people die on the spot, with no warning.

For others, I believe wholeheartedly that they know when there time has come, particularly when they are terminally ill. My Grandad definitely knew; he had cancer and called us all in to say goodbye the day before he died. He told us that would be the last time he would see us. My GreatGran also knew; she died of pneumonia in hospital. And now that I'm thinking about it, my other Grandad knew too but we had to (not) say goodbye a short while before he rapidly deteriorated on our last Xmas together.

I have heard stories of people 'waiting' until their loved one makes it in for a last visit when they are separated by great distance. Sadly some don't make it to say goodbye.

Hugs OP. Hopefully you can say she lived a long and (reasonably) happy life. xx

fatou256

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I agree with this.

Some people die on the spot, with no warning.

true when i was working as a care assistant , one of my service user told me hat he son died at the age of 30 . he came back form work to his house for tera. sat on the sofas close hiseyes and never woke up .

achtunglady

cakeordeath wrote: »

My gran was very poorly in hospital and just before she died she smiled and said the name of her late first husband (he'd died 30 years previously) as if in greeting...kind of sweet for her, but it broke my grandad's heart as he was with her and, although he was very fit, he didn't seem to get over it and died 6 months later.

i also believe that a person can die of a broken heart, so many times ive seen one half of a couple die and within a few months the surviving partner dies as well, its like they have given up and want to be with their deceased loved one.

tandraig

so sad these stories - but at same time so uplifiting!
i firmly believe in 'life after death' and to those who think otherwise - feel so sorry for you - you will get a helluva shock when you find yourselves on otherside!

lolababy

Hi my grandad was ill in hospital but still had all his faculties at the age of 96. He asked my mum about her mother, thinking that he meant her step mother she said she was at home and could not get in to see him. He then said not that one, your mother ,she was here last night. My nan had died aged 42 of tb in the 1950s, over fifty years ago.
Another incident was with my dads mum. My nan was nearing the end and was talking to my uncle Jimmy who had died years before. My nan said that he was at the foot of the bed and my nan was saying not yet . My nan died not long after.

JBD

I was a nurse so have experienced many people dying, also I lost my own Mum to dementia last year. It is true many people wait till their loved ones are not at the bedside before they take their last breath, I believe they can sense their presensce on a deeper ,unconscious level. I believe this is similar to a baby sleeping in the same room as their parents as it helps to regulate their breathing.

In my experience most people are accepting of their death , even if they do not have a 'premonition' there is an awareness that it is their time to 'leave'.

Lastly it is not the job of a nurse or health professional to intrude with their own personal views. Noone knows for sure, all we can hope for is that the person is as comfortable and peaceful as possible.

Kimberley

My nan had dementia for years and never knew who most of her family were and asked about dead relatives. The only time I think we know when our time is up is in the last few hours of our lives when we start to say our goodbyes because we obviously can feel our bodies dying inside. The only people who really know are the ones who are dying.