do people know when they are near the end of their life?!

shellsuit

Some really touching posts on this thread ~ my sympathy for you all who have a tale to tell about your loved ones near the end xx

jenhug

my nan was in hospital for a week before she died. No sign of dementia. (fell and broke hip at 90) for several days before she passed she kept swatting at the air and shouting "F*ck off" (not like her at all, and telling my dad to tell them to go away. The night before she died she had told "someone" to come in and she was pleased to see her. (Lady in bed opposite reported this, much younger lady I should add!) Turns out it was her deceased Neice. She died a few hours later. I think sometimes, a loved one comes for you.

UKTigerlily

My Grandad insisted on being at home to die, the day he died he kept saying 1 & 7 & that he was waiting for his Mum to come & get him, he died at either 5:59 or 7:01pm, so either 1 minute to or past 7, just as my Dad pulled up (afaik all 10 other kids were there already)
He also died with just my Grandma & Aunt in the room, it was the first time they'd been almost alone all day

scubaangel

My grandfather certainly knew, he and my granma were living with us and a few days before he died he started talking to my sister and I about what he wanted us to do (or rather what he didnt want us to do) after he was gone.
Then one morning just decided that he wanted to go home and he had to go now. He was one of the old school I am king in my own home types (although we all knew it was really gran who ran the place and him, lol), so we took him home, spent the day in his garden where he tried to teach my sister and I how to look after 'his' plants then died in his sleep that night. My Dad confessed not long after that he only agreed to take him home because grandad had insisted that he wanted to go home because it was his time and he wanted to be in his home and away from my sister and I.

Kaz2904

I have been with many people as they die. Expected or unexpected.
I remember when I was a care assistant in a nursing home, one morning, one of my ladies rang her bell. I answered and she was lucid, she knew who I was and named me by name. She told me to go in her drawer (one we never went in because she didn't need nursing care) and get out her will. She was very anxious and kept telling me to make sure that 1 daughter didn't get anything because she had stolen from her. She had been living in the nursing home for years and never mentioned it. I explained that I couldn't do anything paperwork wise but would get the office to deal with it at 9.
When I came in the following day I found she had died at lunchtime.

I get patients asking for family members who are long dead. I know if someone is about to die because I have seen them look at a certain spot and communicate with the person there.

I have colleagues who have reported seeing a family laden with bags walking down the corridor to a patients bed and going to find the patient gone with no family there at 4 in the morning (minutes after BTW!).

I remember when my DD was about 16 months old, she suddenly decided that she wanted to be cuddled while she had her bottle (Tuesday 11ish). I thought how lovely it was that she wanted to cuddle up with me and she was smiling away. Then I looked closer and thought that she wasn't smiling at me but at the ceiling. I mentioned it to hubby as I got home from work that night. She carried on and had done it with him too. On the Thursday, I had a phone call from my cousin to say that my Grandad (in Scotland) had had a big stroke and wasn't expected to survive. Apparently my Aunty had been trying (intermittently) to contact me since Tuesday afternoon when they realised how serious it was. It had happened in the morning.
When I got home from my late shift that Thursday, DH told me that he'd had a phone call to say that Grandad had died.
DD didn't look at that spot again until DS was born that December. The same night (19/12/03) that we brought him home she kept looking up there. When everyone had gone apart from her godparents and we were sitting there with a book trying to pick out a name, she suddenly pointed up and said "My grandads up there".
She had never known anyone as Grandad apart from my Grandad. He was so proud to become a great grandparent and she was too young to understand what was going on. I believe my Grandad came back to see the new baby.

With dementia, often people will become more confused and start asking for people. If the nurse is your cousin and knows then she could well be right. There is no right or wrong. Very often there are clues leading up to the death of people but I do like to believe that most of the time people come to collect their loved ones. Even if we don't see it.

fsdss

years ago, when very poorly in hospital (in icu), and later i was told i was close to death

i can remember very clearly a group of people round the bed who were singing a hymn to me, i only knew one of them (my great grandmother). but i gained a lot of information via hearing and speech.

when i spoke to my relatives later on, they could identify who those people where, and the hymn was an old hymn that was rarely sung. i thought they were calling for me.

its hard to explain - i suspect you all think i'm bonkers now lol

pinkpig08

I was also very ill around 4 years ago. I was in ITU and on morphine and I'm not sure what else. I remember being in a groggy state and had this vision of my grandads glasses (he had passed away some 7 years previously). I could hear him saying 'come over here' and I said (in my head I think) 'no, I'm staying here.' I also had the sensation of people rushing towards my bed, but when I opened my eyes there was no-one there.

I had always put it down to hallucinating from the morphine, but having read fsdss's post it made me think.

SammyD_2

My beloved great aunt was in hospital before she died. She did not have dementia, was just very poorly. She kept telling me that Rose and Sally had visited her - Rose and Sally are her two (long dead) sisters. My aunt was a devout Catholic, so really not like her at all.

jcr16

i don' think there is any set answer.

When i worked in the care home we had a very ill lady and in last few days of her life she was almost coma like. she had a waxy feel her her skin the colour drained it was so sad. she had no family either. anyway a day before she passed she had almost a new least of life, she opened her eyes and started speaking ( although it was mumble) she was saying she is waiting for her son, all day she would say has my son come yet, is my son here.

Now what i didn't know till that day was her son had been murdered about 30 years ago's.

Then early in the evening another member of staff was with her and she said. ' My son is here now and then took her last breath and went to sleep.

alhough it doesn't seem true and if i hadn' been working at the time i not sure i would of believed it. but it does seem some do wait till someone comes to collect them. she wanted to be with her son for so long.

cakeordeath_2

My gran was very poorly in hospital and just before she died she smiled and said the name of her late first husband (he'd died 30 years previously) as if in greeting...kind of sweet for her, but it broke my grandad's heart as he was with her and, although he was very fit, he didn't seem to get over it and died 6 months later.