do people know when they are near the end of their life?!

hezza86

Hey all,

This is a bit indepth, its just after a discussion with a nurse i know,
and just wanted to see if anyone had any experience of this...
My gran is i think nearing the end of her life, she has mild dementia anyway but last few weeks keeps asking where certain people are, family members that have died,some many years ago, It can be quite upsetting as for example today she was convinced her husband had left her when infact he died in 1960.
Now the nurse i was chatting to says she has seen this many times and it usually means there time has come, like almost as if its a sign that those that have passed are almost coming to collect her.
If that makes sense. or in a prof opinion its due to brain cells shutting down and stirring up these old memories as such,ina sense that she thinks these people were one day there and now arent and she doesnt know why.
Now i dont mean this morbidly but i wouldnt be upset when she does go and if her time has come im glad as she's not the same women i grew up with.
Im rambling now but just wanted other people opinions/experiences as to whether this could be her time or not.

Alikay

Well my grandad certainly lost the will to live after my grandma died, so I think he hoped he'd die soon, but as for knowing it...well I don't think so especially. OK so he was 90, ill and frail so it was hardly rocket science that it wouldn't be long, but he'd been refusing to buy new clothes/carpets/home improvements for 20 odd years in case he wouldn't live to get his money's worth :rotfl:

My dad died suddenly and no, he didn't know at all - we'd got loads planned and my mum had just made him a cuppa!

hezza86

I can understand that about your grandad, and i see what you mean about your dad.
I feel that i dunno, its hard to explain, im quite spiritulist in a sense that i believe in spirits and ghoasts etc and i do wonder if its a sign from the beyond telling her its her time. She isnt unwell at the moment i just think that maybe its just her time, she is still eating etc but she lives with my autnie so the whole decorating etc doesnt really apply to her.

rocketdog_2

Unfortunately people with dementia will forget that loved ones and friends have died and keep asking for them. I don't think that the nurse has a valid point at all.

Errata

My personal opinion is that the nurse is talking a load of twaddle and the old lady's dementia is steadily getting worse - which is what happens, although the rate varies with the individual.
If the change in the old ladies perception was quite sudden it may be due to a small stroke in the brain and her dementia may initiaslly have started with a small stroke.
If the old lady is in good physical health she could continue to have small strokes and live for several more years.

eta the old lady should be checked for a urine infection as this can cause elderly people to become quite disorientated whilst it's not being treated

ceridwen

I dont think there's any hard and fast rule about these things at all. Each particular "case" has to be "judged on its merits" at the time.

shell_girl

((hugs)) OP.

Somebody close to me had experienced a stroke, and in their last hours were obviously unable to communicate with the family present. Occasionally, a coherent sentence would slip out, but addressed to family members already passed on. I'm not claiming to know what that means, but it did bring some comfort at the time.

There's no hard and fast rule about what to believe, but if something brings you comfort, no-one has the right to rubbish it

hezza86

Its interesting to see peoples opinions on this, my dad would rubbish it where as i kind of believe the nurse.
And it isnt just any nurse its my cousin (the old lady's eldest granddaughter)
she does have mild dementia and we know that and it did start from a stroke she had a few years ago, but i dunno theres alot of history here and she plays up with the auntie she lives with and makes out she's worse with her dementia than she actually is. But today i dunno when i heard her asking for my grandad and saying he had left her it was just different. hard to explain

Mely

rocketdog wrote: »

Unfortunately people with dementia will forget that loved ones and friends have died and keep asking for them. I don't think that the nurse has a valid point at all.

I completely agree with the above post. Someone that was very close to me had dementia and she would think somone that was long dead was still alive, almost from the onset. It is the dementia that causes this, and not any kind of premonition of ones death.

jackieb

My grandma died when she was 94. She kept calling her daughter's name (who had died when she was 17yo) in the last days before she died.

BallandChain

I do believe in life after death and though I have never been witness to anyone close to their last moments, but it is reported that some say, "Oh look there is so and so come for me." Did your gran say this? If she has dementia she might just be remembering the past and that is different to what I described. I hope that makes sense.