Do you upset people without realising?

barbara_anne

gabyjane wrote: »

Thanks for the replies!! i am glad i am not the only one and in regards to my friend most people seem to understand the reason i was annoyed..

Stephb1986 dh's sister is like that! she always gets some jibe in when dh isn't around, it wasn't until one day she said something that hit a nerve and it all came out..dh had no idea but now understands the little jibes she has with me and sees why i dislike being round her..not sure why she doesnt like me but i rarely see her so doesnt bother me!!



jackomdj i prob will, it is nothing major just niggles that annoy me! Im sure i do her though so sure i will get my worth back!! i tried explaining to her a while back online why she annoyed me and it kinda didnt work as again can be misinterpretated..anyway i havent come on to slate her by any means just wondered what i do that rallies people up the wrong way!!

tiff sounds like me..im pretty quiet but have got better lately!

master of nothing..was that aimed at me? if so i can assure you i have a pretty buisy life..the times i dont i can do without the hassle though!

mspig see if that was me ide do the same as you..if it was my friend coming to my party i would understand..a complete chnage of plan is a whole different ball game and you were right to say sorry but no.

prowla lol..i wish you were in my car at times..very funny!!

I had a friend who fell out with me over similar circumstances. She was having a house party for her birthday, she lives 20 mins drive away, last train fairly early etc. I didn't have enough for a taxi back from hers (£30 ish) and she offered for me to stay over on the floor. I'd just recovered from a bad back so politely declined her offer. She hasn't spoken to me since.

I often wonder if I should have said something. She hasn't contacted me to say she's mad at me. I see her boyfriend occasionally and he is fine with me. I guess it's one of those things.

ailuro2

barbara_anne wrote: »

. She hasn't contacted me to say she's mad at me. I see her boyfriend occasionally and he is fine with me. I guess it's one of those things.

Like someone else said, the written word can end up meaning something completely different -

so you 'see' your friend's boyfriend occasionally, do you, barbara-anne?:rotfl:

I don't have any close friends left to fall out with, they all moved to another part of the country, one set even went to Australia...is it me? hmm...:rotfl:

Stephb1986_2

gabyjane wrote: »

Stephb1986 dh's sister is like that! she always gets some jibe in when dh isn't around, it wasn't until one day she said something that hit a nerve and it all came out..dh had no idea but now understands the little jibes she has with me and sees why i dislike being round her..not sure why she doesnt like me but i rarely see her so doesnt bother me!!

You know how I feel then I'm just sick of the nasty comments she makes to me. I don't know what it is I'm as nice as pie to her and her kids and get treated like that I guess she might be jealous of me because I'm 23 have no kids, plenty of money, nice car, I can actually drive and I've got a job so I guess my life seems rosy to her because she's 27 got 3 kids, no job, doesn't drive her partner is a lazy bum and she has to steal money off people to get by.

But still if my life seems great to her there is no need to treat me like that. My OH just said its her sense of humour. So I said to him is it ok if I say to her that her kids are ugly and thats my sense of humor? He didn't respond to that :rolleyes:

Steph xx

freakyogre

I’m the sister in question here. I wasn’t going to reply to this, but have decided I will.

Occasionally we will bicker, it’s the only word I can think to explain it, as the reasons are usually so pathetic, they’re not worth mentioning!


For a bit of background, here are a few examples of when we have ‘fallen out’ - if you're easily bored, I really wouldn't bother reading it.


Ages ago I went to Ikea with my sister, a lot of people I’d spoken to had raved about the place so I was expecting wonderful things. I was disappointed as although there is a lot of stuff there, unless I wanted something specific I didn’t think it was worth the effort (it’s a long way away from me.)
From me saying ’I wasn’t impressed’ was somehow interpreted by my sister (and partner) as ‘I hate it, it’s rubbish’.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I fancied a day out somewhere and considered Ikea, I text my sister to see if she fancied it and she said no. Not an issue, I’m quite capable of going on my own. A few days later we were chatting online and she came out with a comment along the lines of ‘(partner) was surprised you wanted to go’ I asked why, she said that ‘I didn’t like it’. I said that I thought she took my comments too literally at times and that was the end of that.


My sister text me a couple of weeks ago asking if I could babysit one night as she wanted to go out for her anniversary. I said yes, but wanted a rough time as I could be coming straight from work and had to be back for work in the morning. I didn’t hear anything. I went over to my sisters last Friday as we took our brother out for his birthday. I stayed over and we all went out on Saturday. She forgot to talk to my about babysitting and text me on Sunday morning to ask again (she wanted me to babysit on Monday). I again asked her what time (and it did matter as I had the dentist after work – actually turns out I got the wrong day and it was Tuesday) and she said she’d ask her partner.
Anyway! I hadn’t heard by the evening so text her asking if she knew, mainly because I do not get a very good signal at work (if at all) and wanted to know what I was doing. She text me back around midnight saying they’d do it another time as had a feeling it would be a pain and also wasn’t sure why waiting until tomorrow mattered.
I text back in the morning saying I needed to know as if she text me during work, I may not get it until later in the day and by then, I could have been on my way home (maybe I was being unreasonable, but I would have expected her to know whether they were going out or not at least a few hours before the event).
She replied saying it would have got to me at lunchtime or even when I was at he dentist, but not to worry, it was a hassle etc.
I replied again explaining that our dad had text me one day at 4pm and it didn’t come through until 7pm for some reason (if the same had happened with her, I’d already be home and she would no doubt be wondering where I was!!) I said that it was up to her and wasn’t sure what the fuss was.
So she missed out on a night out with her husband because of what I see as being stubborn.


The next happened earlier this week. My sister text me asking for my address, I assumed she wanted to post me something. Because of the postal strikes I text back saying if she was posting something, she may as well wait until I see her as it’ll probably be quicker. She replied saying I was hard work. I replied saying that I thought that was a sensible idea and apologised for using common sense. She then said it was never a simple yes or no with me and she didn’t have strikes there. That was that.



So the latest was indeed today. I had ‘spoken’ with my sister online earlier in the week and we were planning to go to the cinema. We ‘agreed’ on Sunday or Monday, no times were mentioned. Last time I received a text saying ‘cinema on Monday at 18:55’. For some reason it didn’t come through until late last night so I didn’t reply in case she was asleep.
This morning I woke up late so didn’t get a chance to reply, my phone goes on silent as soon as I get to work and the signal is so bad there anyway, I have to wave my phone around in the air to get one bar.
Anyway, a text came through at around lunchtime asking if I’d received last nights text. I managed to reply and said yes I had. Cinema was ok, but it would mean I’ve had about half an hour to kill (note, I was not complaining, I was just pointing it out). I live about an hour away from the cinema, so may as well go straight from work, if I come home first, I’d have about 10 minutes, which to me is pointless.
I’m rambling…
My sister replied and said it was that or later and then I’d be hanging around for longer. I explained that if it was later I could pop home in between and I could always pick our brother up if he was coming?
She said there was no pleasing me.
I replied quite bluntly to ask why she felt the need to pick at everything I said and that it was quite frankly, getting boring now.
She replied and said it was a joke (this is the usual response) and I was like this with everything, she had said to her partner whatever time she picked I would moan about, and she was right.
I didn’t bother replying.



So, basically I see a pattern and it’s text messages and talking online. We’re obviously misinterpreting each others messages, or we are as petty as this post makes out. Perhaps we are both just very strong minded and bloody stubborn?!

To be quite honest I think my sister sometimes takes things far too literally and other times thinks she is always right. I find it very hard sometimes to just comment on something without having to justify myself and don’t see why I should.

No, I don’t always see things as a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’, I am one of those people who likes to know the details of most things before I agree to something, that’s just how I am. I’m like it at work, I have to fully understand something and know all the ins and outs before starting work on something.


Oh and with regards to your friend and your birthday meal, she was in the wrong and took the p out of you for quite a while. I’m personally glad it happened, as she would still be doing it now otherwise.


This really does sound like we’re 3 years old, you’ve never believe we're both adults, would you?

Glamazon

freakyogre wrote: »

So, basically I see a pattern and it’s text messages and talking online. We’re obviously misinterpreting each others messages, or we are as petty as this post makes out. Perhaps we are both just very strong minded and bloody stubborn?!

Was wondering if sis would come along!

This ^^^ def seems to be the problem - why text when a short phone call could give you both the answer you want within minutes.

My sister & my dad have fallen out on numerous occasions because of texts being taken the wrong way.

Have a chat instead of a text!

HariboJunkie

freakyogre wrote: »

So, basically I see a pattern and it’s text messages and talking online. We’re obviously misinterpreting each others messages,

Then it might be best if you phoned her instead of continuing the disagreement on here.

My sister posts on MSE too but we always take our conversations to the telephone...... at least twice a day. Maybe that's why we don't fall out with eachother. ;):D

Savvy_Sue

I had a complicated phone conversation with my sis earlier tonight, while I was eating tea with DS1. He said "You do make it hard work, don't you?" :rotfl:

Anyway, I have been accused of being patronising before now. I don't mean to be. But if I know something and you want to know it too, I have to tell you, don't I? And if you don't understand the first time I explain, I'll start making it very simple for you ... Is that patronising?

freakyogre

Glamazon wrote: »

Was wondering if sis would come along!

This ^^^ def seems to be the problem - why text when a short phone call could give you both the answer you want within minutes.

My sister & my dad have fallen out on numerous occasions because of texts being taken the wrong way.

Have a chat instead of a text!

HariboJunkie wrote: »

Then it might be best if you phoned her instead of continuing the disagreement on here.

My sister posts on MSE too but we always take our conversations to the telephone...... at least twice a day. Maybe that's why we don't fall out with eachother. ;):D

Not trying to make excuses, but there are two (maybe three) reasons I can think of why we don't 'speak' on the phone that often.

1) My sister works from home, so although she is busy, i'd say she has more time during the day in which to phone me. I am pretty much out of contact from 8am-6pm each day, and although yes, I could give her a call at lunchtime I choose not to take a lunchbreak most days. We used to talk online most evenings, but then she suddenly stopped coming on.

2) I don't have a landline and only a PAYG mobile - it's cheaper for me to text and not reasonable to expect my sister to phone me everytime.

3) I'm not an overly chatty person! My problem, but there we go. I very rarely phone/text someone without a good reason!


I wasn't meaning to continue the disagreement, I just wanted to get my side across. Like I said, we're obviously as stubborn as each other

BallandChain

lol @ you two! Actually I've read threads by both sisters before and quite like reading them...I digress, I must admit I kinda skimmed some of it but one thing I don't understand is if you weren't impressed by Ikea why ask your sis if she wanted to go? I'm not taking sides, honest!

freakyogre

BallandChain wrote: »

lol @ you two! Actually I've read threads by both sisters before and quite like reading them...I digress, I must admit I kinda skimmed some of it but one thing I don't understand is if you weren't impressed by Ikea why ask your sis if she wanted to go? I'm not taking sides, honest!

I said 'unless' I wanted something specific, I wouldn't consider going. Now i'm going to sound even sadder as I only really wanted one particular item there, despite not being impressed with the place. I didn't go in the end, but I would have travelled there (about 2 hours) for it


...don't even get me started on the chinese restaurant saga :rotfl:


I'm off to read my book now. LOVE YA SIS!!!