Do you upset people without realising?

gabyjane

Ok my sister has partially started me off with this thread, she comes on here so it is not to cause a personal argument (honest sis as know you will read this!) i am genuinally interested if it is me!!

Example:
I fell out with a friend of mine over my birthday meal last year..after a few excuses she decided she didn't like the restaurant after it was changed from one to another due to no's..it was going to be a steak one and her fave food is steak (you do the maths!!) she then text me a couple of days later saying was i ignoring her? i replied no but was a bit annoyed that she hadn't come due to the very short notice ..that was literally it and she took offence, said i was out of order and has never spoke to me since? really in my head i am still 100% sure i was right to get annoyed so therefore have been equally as stubborn and not retalliated..i KNOW she could have made it as could have gone to the other restaurant..i feel that seeing as i was one of her few friends who ALWAYS bothered going to her birthday meals that it would be nice if she came to mine..maybe im wrong here!

I text my sister last night and that has annoyed her..i won't say why as don't feel the right place to do so but this is why i am posting as can see us falling out at some point poss due to crossed wires..

Opinions?

tinatony1

some people do upset others without realising but i dont think you are one of them if this is all you are basing it on.

i know someone who really annoys everyone else around her but that is down to her being rude and using the wrong tone when speaking to them

niklepic

People are always falling out with me without me even knowing it. My oh's sister's fiance hasn't been talking to me for 2 years but i wasn't aware of it - they always just made the excuse that he was working...anyhoo it came out a few months ago that he thought i didn't like him because he thought i thought he was common!!! God knows where he got that from - i'm from wigan !!!!!! and in no position to call ANYONE common lol! I also have texts from friends all the time asking if i've fallen out with them when in fact i'm just rubbish at staying in touch with people!!

cakeordeath_2

I think a lot of meaning can get lost in a written message. Often people write something with a certain 'tone of voice' in their head, but the reader can have a totally different tone and it can skew the whole message, IYSWIM. Then often the person doesn't realise this or thinks, well I'm not appologising because I didn't do anything wrong and it ends up getting blown all out of proportion.

gabyjane

i dont think you are one of them if this is all you are basing it on.

I'm not just basing it on the above scenario, although i am still baffled how long my friend has taken offence to something i had no idea id'e done wrong!!..
Me and sis seem to have a bit of an up and down time of late and not like us as we get on well..i guess id'e call her 'difficult' if anything! (feel free to disagree sis!)..there are numerous things i could go by, some of which have been witnessed by others..either i'm being lied to by them or am just a cow!! i just wondered if it was me that's all!

niklepic how odd, but tbh when things go on for a length of time you usually realise how important they were! my friend for example again, she was great but on the other hand very hard work in lots of ways..i guess i don't miss that bit!

kindofagilr

I dont think you are over-reacting here, I would be annoyed with my friend too.

gabyjane

cakeordeath wrote: »

I think a lot of meaning can get lost in a written message. Often people write something with a certain 'tone of voice' in their head, but the reader can have a totally different tone and it can skew the whole message, IYSWIM. Then often the person doesn't realise this or thinks, well I'm not appologising because I didn't do anything wrong and it ends up getting blown all out of proportion.

I completely agree with that..some things i text though are very simple and cannot be mistaken for any tone as far as im aware! again maybe i'm deluded!!

tiff

niklepic wrote: »

People are always falling out with me without me even knowing it. My oh's sister's fiance hasn't been talking to me for 2 years but i wasn't aware of it - they always just made the excuse that he was working...anyhoo it came out a few months ago that he thought i didn't like him because he thought i thought he was common!!! God knows where he got that from - i'm from wigan !!!!!! and in no position to call ANYONE common lol! I also have texts from friends all the time asking if i've fallen out with them when in fact i'm just rubbish at staying in touch with people!!

Thats me, exactly. I hate talking on the phone so I dont phone people and this gets their back up. I'm a loner too so I think people might think I'm stuck up or something. I've always said I'm going to have "misunderstood" written on my headstone as thats exactly how I feel!

gabyjane

kindofagilr wrote: »

I dont think you are over-reacting here, I would be annoyed with my friend too.

Thanks..see the thing is i was always there for her, going to meals, do's etc you name it and my first proper birthday meal i book she makes excuses..fair enough if she didn't like steak or had no money or was ill etc anything like that is fine..i'm not a total cow! but the fact that she text me literally about 8pm the night before takes the biscuit tbh!

SmlSave

Totally agree with cakeordeath's message above! The number of people I know who have fallen out because they relied on the written word is crazy.

But saying that....I seem to upset people by the way I say things often, especially if they don't know me I don't mean too and its only when DH tells me (and explains how) that I know I've done it.

If I could change the way I say things I could, but how can you when you don't when you're doing it?

gabyjane - personally I'd be annoyed at my friend if she did this too. just my opinion

ceebeeby

I think I wind people up completely unintentionally and I'm awful at staying in touch too. I also never know when someone's mad at me ... I just eventually text and say "hey, how are you", and they say "I'm not speaking to you", I ask why and by then they've usually forgotten ... so alls okay again.