Do you upset people without realising?

kindofagilr

gabyjane wrote: »

Thanks..see the thing is i was always there for her, going to meals, do's etc you name it and my first proper birthday meal i book she makes excuses..fair enough if she didn't like steak or had no money or was ill etc anything like that is fine..i'm not a total cow! but the fact that she text me literally about 8pm the night before takes the biscuit tbh!

I totally know how you feel cos I have a friend like that (((hugs)))

cakeordeath_2

SmlSave wrote: »

Totally agree with cakeordeath's message above! The number of people I know who have fallen out because they relied on the written word is crazy.

But saying that....I seem to upset people by the way I say things often, especially if they don't know me I don't mean too and its only when DH tells me (and explains how) that I know I've done it.

If I could change the way I say things I could, but how can you when you don't when you're doing it?

gabyjane - personally I'd be annoyed at my friend if she did this too. just my opinion

Oh god yeah, I do that, I once said to a woman, 'you've got my job' and it was because we'd both been for an interview and she'd been successful and I was actually just trying to jog her memory as to where we'd met, she thought I was a right one! A few months later another job at the same place came up and I did get it so we were working together and became good friends that's when she told what she'd thought. I had no idea!

I can be a bit sarcastic sometimes with a deadpan face so people sometimes don't know I'm joking...yet there is someone who I don't like and I'm pretty abrupt with her, but she always thinks I am joking and laughs!!

LameWolf

tiff wrote: »

Thats me, exactly. I hate talking on the phone so I dont phone people and this gets their back up. I'm a loner too so I think people might think I'm stuck up or something. I've always said I'm going to have "misunderstood" written on my headstone as thats exactly how I feel!

You're not my long-lost twin, are you?

I have a total phobia of phones, so I don't use them unless it's completely unavoidable.

Also, I had it dinned into me from a young age that I wasn't worth bothering about, so I always wait for the other person to make the first move.

I have noticed that Mr LW sees a lot less of his pals than before we met, and I'm certain it's because they don't like me.

Pee

It's rude to make excuses at the last moment, and in an ideal world it wouldn't happen. I say this even when people don't like the food. My sister is a very fussy eater and if someone else chooses the restaurant, she will find something to eat there. I actually don't like steak much, but I bet there were other options on the menu. You go out for a meal for the enjoyment and the atmosphere, not just the food.

That said, some people do get very excited about things which really shouldn't bother someone for more than five minutes. I blame it on people not having enough going on in their own lives. My Mum for instance doesn't work and doesn't have any worries about money and will bother for a fortnight about why someone she knows didn't say hello to her when she saw them in passing in the supermarket, and if you try suggesting they might not have seen her, she is quite definate they did.

It just seems a matter of getting upset over nothing and having a good moan to everyone else about how badly she is being treated.

I have another friend who falls out with all her other friends on a regular basis and you never know who she is friends with and who she is not. I'm not so close to her now as I have moved away, but I think one of the reasons we were friends was that I could be calm and calm her down. Also she was of course a really good laugh and very entertaining company.

With a friend, well, they can come and go, a friend worth having is a friend worth staying calm and not getting over excited with. A sister is irreplaceable. There is no harm in saying, I'm sorry, i don't know what I did wrong, or I know you think this was wrong, but I don't think it is, but eitherway, compared to how much I love, care for and admire you - it's nothing. Please can we forget it and move on?

Stephb1986_2

I think you have a right to be annoyed at your friend especially if you have made the effort with her birthdays she could return the gesture.

I'm not one for getting upset easy I'm quite tough (I'm from wigan too lol) But my OH's sister said to me a few weeks ago "do some exercise and you might lose some weight" Am I supposed to think she likes me with that comment? I was sort of hurt about it but never said anything to anyone and let it drop, come last friday my OH txt me and asked if it was ok to go and look after his sisters kids for a bit while she goes out. I just txt back saying why would your sister want me to look after her kids when she doesnt like me.

So we had a holy arguement he supposedly went to his sisters house and told her that she had upset me and she has supposedly said sorry, I'm not convinced. So I didn't bother going to his house at the weekend.

I mean is it me being sensitive or is it her being a cow? Even if I was really comfortable with his sister I don't think I could say anything like that to her.

Steph xx

woody01

I upset people and know FULL WELL i am doing it.
Honest really isn't the best policy

jackomdj

Why not just have a frank conversation with your sister about things? I am sure she would appreciate that a lot more than reading about your problems with her on here! Personally if I was your sister, even though you have not given reasons for the disagreements, I would be more hacked of than ever reading about it.

tiff

LameWolf wrote: »

You're not my long-lost twin, are you?


I have noticed that Mr LW sees a lot less of his pals than before we met, and I'm certain it's because they don't like me.

I always wait for the other person to make the first move too, which is why I'm not good at making new friends too.

I'm sure its not because they dont like you, maybe they just dont know how they stand with you and have backed off. I think a lot of it might be to do with lack of confidence/self esteem, in my case anyway.

I dont worry about it though, I'm happy in my own little world.

prowla

I think I offended someone yesterday - I was pulling out across the road and someone came speeding up in the opposite direction in their sports car and started waving their arms at having to wait; I wound my window down, showed them my middle finger and told them to shove it up their @4$£!.

gabyjane

Thanks for the replies!! i am glad i am not the only one and in regards to my friend most people seem to understand the reason i was annoyed..

Stephb1986 dh's sister is like that! she always gets some jibe in when dh isn't around, it wasn't until one day she said something that hit a nerve and it all came out..dh had no idea but now understands the little jibes she has with me and sees why i dislike being round her..not sure why she doesnt like me but i rarely see her so doesnt bother me!!



jackomdj i prob will, it is nothing major just niggles that annoy me! Im sure i do her though so sure i will get my worth back!! i tried explaining to her a while back online why she annoyed me and it kinda didnt work as again can be misinterpretated..anyway i havent come on to slate her by any means just wondered what i do that rallies people up the wrong way!!

tiff sounds like me..im pretty quiet but have got better lately!

master of nothing..was that aimed at me? if so i can assure you i have a pretty buisy life..the times i dont i can do without the hassle though!

mspig see if that was me ide do the same as you..if it was my friend coming to my party i would understand..a complete chnage of plan is a whole different ball game and you were right to say sorry but no.

prowla lol..i wish you were in my car at times..very funny!!