The General Diet & Emotional Support Thread

sarahs999

Awight peoples. Have moved on to phase three of my diet, which is VERY exciting as I get to eat.... tadah.... bread, muesli and special Alizonne bars. Not all at once of course. Cos it's a Dutch diet though they have very strange ideas about what constitutes a nice breakfast. Slice of wholemeal bread with some beef liver anyone? Or fricasse of veal? Nm nom nom... this morning I had a slice of wholemeal toast, with 100g Quark and 15g sliced chicken. With some black pepper. It was lush and it filled me up properly until my morning snack time which is very exciting - I was afraid the bread would send me instantly craving again. Will be v careful though. Not going tohave it every day - tomorrow it's a weetabix with 100ml skimmed milk. It's been so long since I had proper breakfast food it feels like a real treat!

Now I need to pick your brains. This is going to be long, apologies.

I'm having a rough time with my parents at the moment and I don't really know what to do. My mum is pretty ill, she has breast cancer and is revceiving radiotherapy for it; in the past two years she has had two strokes. She is on warfarin so she shouldn't have any more strokes, but last night my mum's friend rang me to say she had been to see mum andwas really worried - she seemed very slow and not on the ball mentally, and she watched her writing on an envelope and said her handwriting was terrible. Now, she's had two sessions of radiotherapy and I know that can make you tired, particularly as she has to travel from Peterborough to Addenbrokes to do it and that's a long way for her, but I'm not sure that can account for this slowness/being so off-form.

To add to this, my dad is crap. When she had her strokes he did nothing - waited for me to turn up before calling the doctor, to see what I thought. He's a short-tempered, stubborn old man and getting him to do anything is near to impossible. The last time my mum had radiotherapy she tore a muscle getting on to the table and had to have liquid morphine for the pain; later that night she couldn't get up the stairs to bed so slept in the chair in the front room; he didn't bring her stool to put her legs up so she had freezing, swollen ankels the next morning just to add to her woes. He rarely if ever makes her a cup of tea, and has treated her like a skivvy for most of their marriage.

They don't seem to udnerstand that they need to contact the GP when mum's condition worsens, mum won't take anything on without his say so as she hates rocking the boat because he's so irritable all the time. They seem to very much have a head in the sand attitude about her health at the moment whereas I am very, depressingly realistic. I know that mum might die. I'm an only child so I have no sibling to take equal responsibility, I work full time in London so I can't get to see her except at weekends, and even then I have family commitments so I can't get there as often as I'd like. There are a whole ream of incidents in the recent past that are leading me to think that they are not really capable of making proper decisions about themselves at the moment, and I need to know whether there's any way I can get involved with their GP, hospital etc to make them aware of the situation and to request help for them when I think they need it. WHat I would dearly love is to talk to mum's doctor but I know that patient confidentiality means this is unlikely. What do people do in these situations? I can't trust Dad to do the right thing, and mum's not capable of doing it for herself. It's incredibly worrying.

sweetserendipity

Aww sarah, I really feel for you. I think it's certainly worth a phone call to your Mum's Dr. & be persistent, don't be fobbed off. You might not be able to discuss your Mum's medical notes held by the surgery, but you can tell them of your worries & concerns & ask them if there's anyone that can offer help. Maybe a District Nurse could come out to see her on a regular basis & keep an eye on things.

I know when my Mum was ill my Dad tried to manage things but he just wasn't able to cope himself. Luckily there are 4 of us & we all did 'shifts' so he was only on his own overnight. Obviously it's very different to your situation & that's why I think you do need to ask for help from somebody. I'm sure there are cancer charities than could offer advice as well.

I hope you get something sorted, it must be a very stressful time for you.

sarahs999

Thanks sweet. I called Macmillan and they've been brilliant, really helpful and really good at listening too - makes such a difference. She's given me a few leads, so I don't feel quite so stuck now.

Mystery-Lover

Afternoon everyone!!

Can't believe I have not been able to get on for 3 days!! Caught this cold that has been doing the rounds spent all day yesterday in bed.:mad:
I went to RC on Wednesday, had the offical weigh in (so many numbers:eek:) and stayed to do the aerobics (not realising that I had a cold and that was why I couldn't breath not my level of unfitness though I am sure it had something to do with it lol!!:rotfl:) Feeling really positive about the new diet and I love my little portion pots!

Ok and now I am going back to bed as I am still feeling rough as anything.

Sorry if this makes no sense but I will be back in a couple of days I promise!!

sweetserendipity

Really glad you're getting somewhere, sarah, a small weight off your mind. There are some fantastic people out there who can help with your Mum & will be absolutely brilliant I'm sure. Usually no-nonsense types who will sort your Dad out as well

sweetserendipity

Yaay, well done on joining up, Mystery :j Good luck with it & hope you feel better soon.

Just mazzers & alias to get back on track now :whistle:

Love you both :rotfl:

aliasojo

Sarah it's tough when your parents become ill or infirm. My Mother died from Non Hodgekins Disease years ago and she still lived in Edinburgh whilst my brother and I were in the Highlands so it was difficult to manage. She had months of chemo and ironically the cancer itself was going into remission but she ended up with pneumonia (sp?) and that was the actual cause of death.

Anyway, I remember well how weak she got and the slightest thing was an effort for her, even her voice became weak and slow. (This was because of the treatment, not the disease.) I suspect your Mum is affected in much the same way.

The Macmillan lot are good so hopefully you'll be able to get extra help or even just advice if that's all your Mum wants/needs/will accept right now. Does your Dad actually realise how serious this is? A lot of men either don't fully understand or they simply pretend it's not happening or isn't all that bad in order to deal with it. Even if that's the case, it doesn't much help so maybe you should stick your oar in and give him both barrels (but nicely). Sometimes people need a forceful kick up the bum.

Btw, when my Mum was ill it was all I could talk about. I'm sure I bored the pants off everyone but I felt as if it was the only way I could cope with it all, I just needed to talk. Feel free to rant/rave/generally gibber here any time you need to, don't feel like you can't or shouldn't be talking about it too much, if you need an ear, we're here.

(That will be a fiver for the rhyme at the end please. )

sweet....it will be a while. I have a remote cottage to get through yet. I suspect plentiful wine and chocolate will be needed for that one. :rotfl:

aliasojo

~daisy~ wrote: »

bloody pm tart then

:rotfl:

*beams proudly*

:rotfl:

mazzers

Aww sarah, i'm really sad about your situation but cant offer advice although i'm sure the macmillan nurse will be a great support.

As alias said, have a good old moan here, pm if you have to, i've pm'd alias when my son has been getting me down and it's nice to just get it off your chest.

I hope things work out ok for you and your mum.

XX

~daisy~_2

same sarah nothing practical just postive coping type vibes xxx such a shame when other things in your life are going so well and positively

hugs xxx