help this chrismas is going to be sad

loulou123

If things arent going well, then xmas can seem to make them seem all the harder, this i know from experiance. But you will get through it. It can feel like everyone else is going to have a wonderful time and your the only one who wont, your constantly reminded by adverts/shops/people about the one thing you want to forget etc. You will definately not be the only person feeling like this, so try to do as others have suggested and do something nice for yourself, even if it is a cheap bag of sweeties.

Im guessing your down as it all seems so overwhelming right now, but we're all here to help, in anyway we can. As a child my family had very little money, but i always loved xmas, funnily enough i was speaking to boyfriend about this the other day and he always had lots of expensive presents but none of the fun at xmas. Im sure you brother will appreciate your time, and perhaps making cheap decorations etc as much as any expensive present (even if he doesnt admit it!)

Take care. x x x

hob

thanks guys i ment to get back to you sooner but my internet has been playing up. i thought i was gonna have to call bt but it seems to be fixed now. i guess i am just feeling overwhelmed by everything. i have also had some abusive text messages and facebook notes from my younger sister. i honestly cant get my head around why everyone is mad at me, or craig its my mum who is in the wrong.thats the way the poilice and the social see it but not the family go figger... the thing i am most worred about is the day just being sad. we come from such a big family and have spent every christmas with busyness and all the kids ( 9 newphews and nices) and it will be quite and he will want the kids. conner (newphew) i just dont want him to spend the whole day crying. and if he crys ill cry. or i might just cry any way, not in front of him dont worrie about that. im just avoiding the shops for a bit maye when he is not constantly with me ill have time to clam down and go xmas shoping but right now everything is so hard. we dont have a tesco but next time im at asda im stocking up on sweets! any way im sure things will be better soon i just need to get this week over with. thanks for being so helpful again! i bet your all sick of me moaning.
something i did and i think u all should do if u havent all ready
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=584307&highlight=http+www+free+dvd+club+com its a thread i found on the freebies part u fill in a fourm takes about 10 mins and u get a free dvd no postage to pay.

elsien

Hi hob, glad to see you back.
If you're used to being around people at Christmas, do you have any friends you could pop in for an hour or so? Gets you out of the house for a change of scenery, and they might welcome a break from bickering with each other over the turkey!
Not the same as family I know, but it might break up the day a bit for you. Or a walk round the local park, to get some air and be around other people. That's what we do in our house anyway.
Tell your brother it's ok to be upset - you've both got a lot of changes to get used to- but it would help you if he can try to make the best of things. Does he understand at the moment that he's going to be out of contact with the family, or is he feeling that he's being punished for something he's done? I don't know how capable he is but it would help him to get things out in the open and talked about - if you're not up to that, maybe his support worker?
Your family are probably having a go at you so they don't have to admit to themselves they're in the wrong. Making you the scapegoat is easier than admitting that they've done something they shouldn't. Try to ignore them if you can.
Things are bound to get to you at times, got a handy pillow you can pummel the life out of?

hob

elsien- most of my firned live quite far from me. and the ones that do live near by are going away for xmas so no hope there. he doenst understand that he wont being seing them again. i dont know if he thinks its a punishment or there to busy to see him or that it will blow over. im not sure but he dosent realise that he will never see them again. how do i even explane that? i have tryed explaing but its difficalt for him. i dont think he wants to know. i will have to see if i can get some time alone with his socail worker and have a chat. 'got a handy pillow you can pummel the life out of?' lol no i have been told that today by kirsty to maybe i should get one. my cat is being extra loving so much that he keeps climbing on my laptop and trying and following me from room to room i think he knows im upset.

Shortie

hob wrote: »

my cat is being extra loving so much that he keeps climbing on my laptop and trying and following me from room to room i think he knows im upset.

I know lots of people think cats are self centred and don't pick up changes in humans like dogs do, but I know our two do. Ours will often pick up a pending black mood of mine before I really realise it myself.. to the point where they hollar if I shut them out of the bathroom when I go to the toilet!

Definately try to grab time with the care worker - she should be able to help you with working through this period of explaining/smoothing over for your brother

hob

shortie- duder(my cat) defently isnt selfish. he my little hero at times (he also tryes to follow me to the loo! do all cats do that???!! why!!!)managerd to call the socail worker with craig out of ear shot today, she said she is going to have a talk to the suport worker see what they think would be best for him. i dont know what that means but ok. my 1st chrtismas gift got deliverd today!!!! its not for craig its the poster from tesco. it looks lovely sept i just noticed the baby has red eye. lol oh well not much i can do now. im sure it will be fine. i have also finished my 1st pair of knitted socks, only 3 more pairs to go. if no one has called about my ds by wed im gonna stick it on amazon. and thats all the chritmas based news. lol.

mary-op

hob - good to see you back........maybe the social worker or support worker could help you explain to your brother that christmas will be different this year........still can be fun, just different kind of fun.
Cats do pick up when we're not feeling quite 100% -I know mine do, They're very sensitive creatures.
Pummel pillow sounds a grand idea........either that or a 'touchy feely' cushion. My son bought me one the other year for the 'stressful' times...........nice to touch, very soft and squidgy
You sound like you;re doing fine and coping well..........keep it up:j

little_miss_moneysaver_3

Hey Hob,

Have also been following this thread, not much else to add really. I'm a bit lost, does your brother actually have the Xbox? Or he's saving for one? In a charity shop near me they have lots of Xbox games I think £1.50 ish. Got to honest I didn't really look closely. But I could have a look if you tell me what he likes.
Also I have lots and lots of crafty stuff if you wanted I could send you some bits (PM me with your address etc), seriously I probably have more than hobbycraft and enough for every Christmas till I'm 60 (i'm 25!!)

How about a Christmas CD? Maybe get you both in the mood, sing a few carols etc?

Sorry I don't really have much to say, but you're amazing for tackling your family and looking after you're brother. I know it seems tough as they're being nasty etc on Facebook, but you know in your heart that you've done right by your brother. Seems a shame that your nieces and nephews won't come and see you. Maybe send them a card? See what happens?

jellybean08

Hob, I'm worried that you're not getting all the support that you need, since you're 24 and just taken the responsibility of looking after your older, disabled brother. I'm sorry I only skimmed through the thread, but can I check that you've spoken to someone regarding the benefits and support that you are entitled to? I'd urge you to get in touch with your local carers support group who will have all the information you need, and can even provide support and respite care so that you can have a break.

I'm sorry if I'm assuming things, but it seems that Christmas is not the biggest problem you're facing right now, but what it represents. Take it one step at a time. The wonderful people on here will help you have a fantastic xmas for next to nothing but don't just focus on that, make sure you're getting all the help you can with other aspects of your life.

Take care,

Shortie

hob wrote: »

shortie- duder(my cat) defently isnt selfish. he my little hero at times (he also tryes to follow me to the loo! do all cats do that???!! why!!!)

God knows... and why does one of them accompany me in there when I'm in the bath? He even thinks about jumping in, until he realises there water in there :rotfl: