Getting out of my comfort zone

gilligansyle

Well we finally found him...

And he's a deacon, not a priest. Came as a bit of a shock to me when he mentioned his wife! I'm a bit out of touch on matters religious.

And we've sorted *all* the music out.

Karmacat wrote: »

Aargh! to the non-meeting-yet with the priest...

but lovely to have a laugh with family about all the memories.

Are you sleeping okay?

What is sleep? Generally wake up after 2 or 3 hours.

Or food for that matter. Living on chip butties (stolen off DS' plate) and chocolate. Full of calories, but not actually food as such.

but lovely to have a laugh with family about all the memories.

savingholmes wrote: »

Its nice when you can have some laughter in the midst of grief

The family memories thing is interesting. Over the years when I've taken Mum to visit when there has been a bereavement, I've taken it for granted that there would be a lot of laughing and joking, and telling of stories about the past. My sister and brother have never experienced this and have always been horrified at the idea, that it has no place and you should all be sad and crying; but DS said today that he found it cathartic.

It's OK to say things about her that aren't all nice; nobody is *all* nice. And, being honest, Mum and I were very alike and often didn't see eye to eye.

My boss decided that it wasn't really fair on me or clients to send me to client sites this week, so am going to start all over again next week. This week I'm doing training courses and dealing with queries online, so its getting me into things gradually. My concentration is getting better now, I can actually think in coherent sentences again.

Firewalker

Gill, I am so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you.

FW

savingholmes

HI Gill - it was a tough break this happening so close into the start of a new job... You're doing amazing!

I think mourning / grieving is a very individual process - and we all approach it very differently. Where someone has had cancer or a long hospital stay, I've found that I start my mourning early - but when it has happened as a sudden event I've found it harder to cope with... I think guilt-free laughter is important - and I think funerals should be a celebration of life not just grief about death. I would want colour and balloons and stuff I think...

gilligansyle

savingholmes wrote: »

I think mourning / grieving is a very individual process - and we all approach it very differently. Where someone has had cancer or a long hospital stay, I've found that I start my mourning early - but when it has happened as a sudden event I've found it harder to cope with...

This would normally be the case, but although this was sudden, it was sort of expected. And at the moment there is just too much to do.



I think guilt-free laughter is important - and I think funerals should be a celebration of life not just grief about death. I would want colour and balloons and stuff I think...

The service is about celebrating the life, and then we've got the vigil and wake on Wednesday night. So those who want to will go to the church for the vigil, and the rest will come round for drinks and a laugh. Seems odd, but I've grown up with it. I think that its a Liverpool version of an Irish thing.


The family would be horrified if we didn't wear black! Let alone colours!
We've got to go and buy white shirts and black ties for all the lads. Sister and I are debating whether we need to wear skirts and court shoes or if we can get away with trouser suits. Its a fashion minefield!

I've got some lovely friends who are looking out for me, and this morning am hopefully having coffee with the lovely DT.

Double_Trouble

gilligansyle wrote: »

I've got some lovely friends who are looking out for me, and this morning am hopefully having coffee with the lovely DT.

Hopefully if I can get my act together having one of those days will be on my way soon :T:T:T:T

DTxx

Karmacat

I hope you manage the coffee ....

I know people don't wear black any more to funerals, but I can't cope with wearing *no* black - I always wear something, just to show respect, I suppose.

Vigil plus a laugh sounds good. I've never been to a vigil, and only once to a wake beforehand, so to speak. I hope its another healing event for you and the family.

gilligansyle

Karmacat wrote: »

I know people don't wear black any more to funerals, but I can't cope with wearing *no* black - I always wear something, just to show respect, I suppose.

Vigil plus a laugh sounds good. I've never been to a vigil, and only once to a wake beforehand, so to speak. I hope its another healing event for you and the family.

They definitely wear black around here! You can, at a push, get away with grey or navy, if you're not immediate family; but actual colours are a bit frowned upon.

Met DT for coffee, had a lovely chat. She also reminded me to put the date of the Liverpool Marathon, as a few people were thinking of meeting up.

So the date is October 9th (I think) but FW will know better.

Karmacat

I'm glad you and DT managed to get together.

I've got my rail tickets for that weekend, if you do still want to meet up - I hope so, tho I'm sure it will be difficult. I'm coming up on the Saturday, and going back on the Tuesday, so Sunday for a couple of hours will be great.

savingholmes

I am glad you and DT got together...

We go to a non-conformist church - so the service is designed around the family wishes normally - including any preferences for colour, mix of religious and pop songs etc... Some people still choose black - we respect their wishes if that's the case... My auntie asked us all to wear colour - and wrote parts of the funeral order of service which was covered in photos etc... She wrote little notes to different members of the family including us... she died from her third bout of cancer and had lots of time to prepare.... Everyone is different

gilligansyle

Hi SH and KC

everybody does things differently I suppose, but my extended family are traditionalists, so black is the norm. I generally wear monochrome anyway, so it would be more of an issue for me to actually find a colour!

I had a stupidity attack yesterday.

After meeting DT, sister came round for a coffee. I then decided that I'd go and buy myself some new shoes. I needed some anyway for work. I took myself off to the retail park.

Most people who read this will know that I don't really *do* clothes shopping, and generally buy in Tesco or Asda. But I went to M&S and Next; I found some shoes I liked and treated myself to a new bag. Got home. Was telling DS about my new shoes - then I showed him them. He burst out laughing and ran upstairs. Yep, I've already got a pair the same! Then I looked at my new bag and realised that my sister had just shown me one that looked similar. Rang her up. So yes, we both have the same bag. I hadn't really registered her bag when she showed me it, but must have subconciously recognised it when I saw it in the shop.