Should I tell my Mum she needs full time care?

daska

bryanb wrote: »

In spite of the assessment I believe she still has the right to refuse care, unless she is sectioned under the Mental health act. So the "resultant decision" is hers to make.

I'd double check that - the care package I get (though I'm a lot younger ) states that, if SS have established that I need the care, I cannot refuse it. SS can insist that the care is provided and, if I refuse to pay, they can take me to court to recoup any fees that I would have been liable for.

She, and you, should still get to choose how that care is provided!

mar<

An update...

Two months on, and my Mum (5 weeks ago) has moved into a hospital EMI unit for assessment (read Care Home couldn't deal with her so forced the CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) to arrange this move).

The care home moved my mum into a newly created EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) wing where she was even more locked in and had only the lounge and her room to live in daily. Being fully physically active and vocal she quickly went crazy - went on hunger strike, physically assaulted the staff who I imagine tried to physically prevent her exit, and called the police who believed her story that she was being imprisoned against her will.. tho' the home did manage to persuade the police that it was above board.

Hospital EMI was far better. Higher staff to patient ratio, so explanation and stimulation together with daily visits from myself as it's just across the road.

We've had two meetings at the hospital. The first the hospital and CPN had decided my Mum was ok to return home and they would arrange a care package. At the follow up meeting 2 weeks later we were told my Mum couldn't possibly manage at home, and they would be placing her in a suitable local (to us) residential home. They'd drafted in an advocate who was dumbfounded having assessed my Mum to be capable of returning home.

The advocate requested a DOLS assessment (Deprivation of Liberty) and it was stated that my Mum would visit to see if she wanted to go. The manager from the home visited the hospital and they arranged for my Mum to be moved without a visit or DOLS carried out.

I'm trying to find alternatives... after all my Mum can afford to pay, and as she's being forced to pay something surely she can choose an option that would provide liberty in some form.

zzzLazyDaisy

My MIL had to go into a care home, and moved 200 miles to be near us. Her own LA paid up to their own limit, and we had to top up as the rates were higher where we lived.

My own mum chose to stay in her own area, but it did mean that we couldn't visit her as often as we did MIL, because of the distances involved.

However, BOTH were initially very resistant to the idea of giving up their independence and being in a home, and within a few months BOTH said that they should have done it a long time ago (they were both elderly and confused with early dementia, but they both became more alert once they'd settled in)

hth

mar<

Thanks LazyDaizy

Maybe it's still early days then. My Mum's paying everything so the LA aren't bothered.

seven-day-weekend

To be honest, my mum was relieved when she was told she needed to go into a care home. She had also set fire to the kitchen and kept losing things and not eating properly. She was also forever worrying whether she had paid her milkman, or paper boy etc (short-term memory problems). She also could not manage the bath on her own.

I put it to her that she could go, if she wished, into a nice place that she could choose, and that she would be looked after and wouldn't have to worry about paying any bills; that she could sit and read and/or talk about politics all day if she wished (her favourite pastimes), that she would be safe and would not keep burning herself as she would not have to cook any meals.

The only thing she was worried about was the food; she was a very fussy eater and a lifelong vegetarian. I assured her that they would give her food she liked, that it would be her home, not a hospital, that she could take some of her own furniture and personal things with her.

She just said, 'yes please, I'd like that', so I took her to the open day of a home that I thought would be suitable in the village where she had been a young woman bringing up her family and doing political work (not far from where I lived), she was able to talk to the staff and was shown some of the rooms and re-assured about the food.

She was very happy ther until she died five years later aged nearly 94.

I think maybe if you push the positives to your mum, she may be as relieved as my mum was.

Good luck!

ETA: sorry, just seen your update, I should read the whole thread first! My mum was assessed by SS as needing the care, but we were allowed to chose the home (providing it was suitable for her needs, which were mainly care, not medical) , so I don't see why your mum shouldn't be able to. And my mum was not even paying her own fees. However, this was about ten years ago, don't know whether things have changed since then.).

zzzLazyDaisy

mar< wrote: »

At the follow up meeting 2 weeks later we were told my Mum couldn't possibly manage at home, and they would be placing her in a suitable local (to us) residential home. They'd drafted in an advocate who was dumbfounded having assessed my Mum to be capable of returning home.

I'm trying to find alternatives... after all my Mum can afford to pay, and as she's being forced to pay something surely she can choose an option that would provide liberty in some form.

Sorry just read this post. If she is being sectioned to a home, she does not have to pay anything (this is what happened with my Mum, but we still chose the home she went to).

Trebor16

Don't forget about getting the local PCT to do an assessment to see if your mum is eligible for fully funded continuing care. I wouldn't trust SS to organise a pee up at a brewery. They constantly lie about the situation with the elderly and often tell them they are "self funders" and make no mention of the continuing care assessment by the PCT. She shouldn't have to pay just because she has the means, she should only have to pay if her needs are not primary health needs. The fact that she had to go into an EMI unit suggests her needs are health needs rather than social care needs.

mar<

Thanks for those comments guys. We are trying to smooth the process to my Mum. Hopefully she'll see it as positive.

My wife was shown the DOLS assessment but no one has mentioned about fees. We'll have to look into that.

<edit> No wait - looked into the Capability Act where it clearly states that fees must be paid by people forcibly denied their liberty so that no discrimination against other fee payers was evident.

Personally I think the fees are outrageous. My Mum worked very hard all her life to make her business a success. Because she came from a poor background she never got into the habit of spending money.. so now the government are going to just take it all from her. Outrageous. Which is why I need to find good care where she can enjoy maximum liberty no matter the expense. She can default to a normal care home when her money runs out.

Thanks again.

Trebor16

Mar,

That's exactly what social services want you to do, to fund your mums care yourselves. If your mum has worked hard all her life and paid her tax and national insurance why should she now have to pay if her primary needs are health needs. Have you contacted the local PCT to find out about an assessment for fully funded continuing care?

mar<

Another update

My Mum's been in the new home for a week and a half now. The owner is very good and the home seems to provide a high standard of care: actually treating people like human beings, which makes a change. My Mum is not in the EMI unit which seems to be full of very dependent people. The home has a minibus and she's been out in it, not that she remembered the day after. She's free to roam and has two lounges to visit, but there is no one for her to hold a conversation with.. so she's not happy.

Does anyone know of anywhere I can discuss this? Like a forum for people in my situation who don't know what the options are?

I feel very guilty for not looking after her myself, although I'm breadwinner for my wife and two children of 7 & 8. I don't know what the possibilities are.. if we could have a carer or similar assistance from social services, for example.

Any info gratefully received.