Should I tell my Mum she needs full time care?

mar<

Hello Silver Surfers!

I'll be over 50 myself on Monday but my question concerns my Mum.

She's currently in temporary care in a local residential home and has been assessed by the local Social Services Department to be in need of full time residential care.

We are in the process of activating Power of Attorney which will enable us to control everything except her place of residence.

She is unaware of the SS assessment and resultant descision at the moment and doesn't know that she now needs to live in residential care. She still owns her home 200miles away and is thinking that she will be returning there at some point.

Whilst it's a huge relief to my family (I'm the only child) to have this decision made, we still feel the weight of this responsibility that we should maybe let her know what is going on. Social Services chose not to tell her, in order to minimise the upset for her.

She seems very happy in the present home and seems to be more alert than she's been in a long time.

There is probably more that Social Services will do now as part of their process; whatever that may be.

What would you do in my position? What are the things I should be considering? Is the potential upset worth while or is it my/ our duty to give her the facts?

My Mum has lived happily on her savings and pensions for many years, although didn't make full provision for this outcome. Luckily she was able to complete the PoA paperwork a couple of years ago.

Thanks.

looby-loo_2

What a lots of decisions you will have to make. Will she be placed near you or back where she lives?
I can't answer your question but hope it turns out well for you

bryanb

In spite of the assessment I believe she still has the right to refuse care, unless she is sectioned under the Mental health act. So the "resultant decision" is hers to make.
Obviously the LA will be looking for the sale of her property to fund care if there are no other funds available, unless her husband or close relative (over 60 yrs) is living there.
I would tell her if she asks, but not make a point of it.
Is she suffering dementia or similar?

mar<

She can choose to be where she want's to be looby-loo. She only contacts people on the phone, so that will be no different for her. Only difference is that we (her only family) will be a long way away.

Thankyou bryanb. She has been assessed by a psychiatrist and I have no idea of the details. They have stated that she wouldn't be safe on her own, nor be looking after her own interests. ie she doesn't wash, drink or eat much, is mildly diabetic, and suffers from chronic memory loss.

My Dad died 2 years ago and her house is standing empty. She is in temporary care after setting fire to her kitchen.

My wife visited tonight (as I couldn't) and as my Mum was even more alert she was able to let her know why she was there (not about her predicament).

morag1202

I sugest you register her with a GP and get an urgent refferalt to a Memory Clinic who will do an assessment and be able to treat her. She may benefit from drugs which slow down memory loss. She may also be suffering from depression and need treatment for that too. In my very recent experience of a very similar situation the depression was a much more serious problem than the dementia.

I would caution against telling her until you have had her assessed and have talked to her Psychiatrist and explored all the options. Good luck.

bryanb

Thanks for the further info, it's now obvious that she can't go back to living alone. It will be easier to find a care home near to you if she is self funding. LA's don't like to fund people in other areas, but it is possible if the family push hard enough.
It sounds as though she won't be exercising her right to determine where she lives in the condition you describe, I would try for somewhere close to family.
Is your power of attorney under the old Enduring Power or the more recent Lasting type? If it's enduring it has to be registered with the court of protection if she is not mentally capable of conducting her own affairs. If the lasting power I believe it is registered at the time of setting it up (not sure though)

dzug1

bryanb wrote: »

If the lasting power I believe it is registered at the time of setting it up (not sure though)

No - it can be registered at the time but doesn't have to be. Just has to be registered before use.

I believe the donor can specify when it is to be registered.

mar<

morag1202 wrote: »

I sugest you register her with a GP and get an urgent refferalt to a Memory Clinic who will do an assessment and be able to treat her. She may benefit from drugs which slow down memory loss. She may also be suffering from depression and need treatment for that too. In my very recent experience of a very similar situation the depression was a much more serious problem than the dementia.

I would caution against telling her until you have had her assessed and have talked to her Psychiatrist and explored all the options. Good luck.

Thanks Morag we did get her to a memory clinic who carried out the minimal of tests and after pushing assigned an Occupational Therapist who went way beyond what she was supposed to do visiting my Mum twice a week. She became aware of the issues and noticed a significant decline over the month of her involvement before my Mum had to move away. She has been a great help but she could do nothing to progress any real solution.

My Mum was quite depressed. She spent all her time alone with no quality contact at all. She became increasingly upset at not coping and spent her time searching for things.

We think she has symptoms of Alzheimers and we have tried many practical ways to aid her including labeling things, making posters of things she needs to know and buying a radio controlled calendar clock so she knows what day it is, amongst other things.

Thankyou we are realising we must wait for the professionals to do their job, and discussing it here is helping to confirm that.

mar<

bryanb wrote: »

Thanks for the further info, it's now obvious that she can't go back to living alone. It will be easier to find a care home near to you if she is self funding. LA's don't like to fund people in other areas, but it is possible if the family push hard enough.
It sounds as though she won't be exercising her right to determine where she lives in the condition you describe, I would try for somewhere close to family.

Hopefully she'll stay in this very nice home near to us or decide against moving nearer to her home town.

bryanb wrote: »

Is you power of attorney under the old Enduring Power or the more recent Lasting type? If it's enduring it has to be registered with the court of protection if she is not mentally capable of conducting her own affairs. If the lasting power I believe it is registered at the time of setting it up (not sure though)

We only arranged this a couple of years ago and I'm sure it's the lasting type.

EdInvestor

mar< wrote: »

She's currently in temporary care in a local residential home and has been assessed by the local Social Services Department to be in need of full time residential care.

She is unaware of the SS assessment and resultant descision at the moment and doesn't know that she now needs to live in residential care. She still owns her home 200miles away and is thinking that she will be returning there at some point.

Whilst it's a huge relief to my family (I'm the only child) to have this decision made, we still feel the weight of this responsibility that we should maybe let her know what is going on. Social Services chose not to tell her, in order to minimise the upset for her.

She seems very happy in the present home and seems to be more alert than she's been in a long time.There is probably more that Social Services will do now as part of their process; whatever that may be./What would you do in my position? What are the things I should be considering? Is the potential upset worth while or is it my/ our duty to give her the facts?

I may be missing something but surely it's just a matter of time before someone has to tell your mother that she can't live alone at home any more.It's just a matter of when?

There will be an enormous amount to do in organising this,from choosing the care home to raising the funds to pay for it, which may involve selling her house.She is already running up a bill in the temporary place.I'd have thought you need to move forward in particular on the issue of where she will be located, near you or where she lives now.

bryanb

mar< wrote: »

We only arranged this a couple of years ago and I'm sure it's the lasting type.

I think it was a couple of years back that POAs changed, there was a lot of publicity about the newer lasting ones costing a lot more. On that basis many families set up enduring POAs as a precaution (enduring one do "last" as well). Worthwhile checking the paperwork.