Single and in Debt Part 3- The problem of surplus and excess women

Butterfliesarepretty

Aww gwen thats awful news so sorry about the hassle from the pervert.

My xmas has not been all bad. I have my daughter with me and a ps2 and lots of games to play and some things off my dad that he did not use. I went back to work a week after he died and that helped me. there is no funeral we will receive his ashes probably in the new year at some point from the university.

But at the time my dad was ill I was also supporting my ex mother in law as her hubby was ill with cancer and he passed away on the 22nd dec.

Now its a long story. My ex - lets call him A - has been mentally and physically abusive to me, his mother and his second ex-wife.
He tells lies quite a lot to protect himself and make himself look good.

My daughter cant see it yet.

When we split up I was so miserable I had a cuddle and kiss with a neighbour. Daughter was three. I was too scared of him to fight for her. I got my head on and went to court to get access to my girl. And I now pay for her through the csa which I chose to do and never been behind with payments, to me its important she gets it.

Shes 12 now and I would never take her away from her dad. Unless she decided to live with me for any reason.

A's sister constantly protects her younger brother, knows all about the mental and physical abuse yet chooses to ignore the facts about him. She then decides to fall out with her mother (my ex mother in law) because she speaks to me on the phone and because I take my daughter to visit ex mum in law because my daughters own dad will not take her cause he hates his mum and just blames her for everything going wrong in his life.

A's sister's daughter (lets call her J) is godmother to my daughter and has taken to believe that I am the worst person in the world to my daughter. J will not speak to her grandmother either because she speaks to me. This J is 28 years old and takes to making the birthday cake for my daughter every single year and she is very bossy. My own daughter prefers her to make the cake. so I never get chance.

Once me and my daughter went to chester zoo and J was there and my daughter knew of this and wanted to spend more time with J than myself. J then walked past me with my daughter chatting and it was as if I was never there. I then confronted J and told her that it was my day out with my daughter and that she should have enough respect to keep her distance. J did not agree and so she walked off.

J's mother asked me why i did that to J. I told her that it was a misunderstanding and things got out of hand. Her mum then said but you chose her as god mum. I said yes but I am her MUM not J. And until I die she will never be her mum.

I dont know why they always try to take over my role as mumto gemma. they also spend a lot of money on my daughter taking her shopping. J's mum pulls her face when she finds out I cant always afford to take her shopping all the time.

My ex mother in law told me one night two days before my father died that her daughter and granddaughter (J) were pulling me to bits saying I was an abusive bad mum because I smack my daughter and that I had an affair. I do smack my daughter when she is hysterical a teenagers can sometimes be and when she is my house she has to go by my rules and she pushes them just like any other child, (she is 12 now) but have only smacked her four times in her life. I believe in good discipline but not cruelty. I am a fair mum and my daughter is well behaved. I had a kiss over ten years ago after my ex made my life a misery. We have been divorced ten years.

I was so angry I sent my daughters aunty a message on facebook in a calm way that I was tired of hearing her saying awful things about me and told her I was my daughters mum and I will make the decisions with her father about what is right for me and my daughter. I basically told her to butt out and leave us alone.

She didnt like this and used her mobile to show it to my ex-mother in law's husband (who was ill in hospital) and being the devious person she is she made sure her mum was not there when she did it.

The next time in hospital they were not allowed in as my ex mum in law had banned them from attending to see him.

These people who are my daughter's aunty and cousin (J) talk about me behind my back all the time and never have a good word to say about me. they criticise me about my choice of car and more. Yet the second ex-wife who was also abused never gets a mention. Me and the second ex-wife found we both had suffered the same abuse from the dame man.

I had a call the night before my dad died at half eleven from ex mother in law's husband's daughter telling me to keep away from them all and that I had upset her dad. I told her that I had been supporting my ex mum in law and her husband while he was ill and she said 'so what?'
She also told me to stop calling my ex mum in law with my problems. I as gobsmacked as its my ex mum in law who likes to call me about her family problems.

Anyhow my daughter now believes her grandma is bad bad bad, because her aunty, dad and godmother (cousin) have all brainwashed her into thinking its the grandmas fault yet when it clearly isnt.

My daughters family is so messed up.

My family have been all closer since my dad died and my mum has been brilliant. I have just decided to change my name back to my maiden name so I am not associated with the other family and I have now decided never to ring the ex mum in law ever again so I dont get involved.

My friends say I have done nothing wrong except support my ex mum in law and that I should ignore all negative back chat from the ex's family because its them that are insecure and looking for someone to blame.

I feel I have achieved a lot since the divorce.
1. Got my own house.
2. got my sanity back.
3. got my confidence back and now stick up for myself.
4. got more friends.
5. have respect of my daughter even when I discipline her.
6. got hobbies i enjoy.
7. have respect for myself.
8. help people.
9. pay for my daughter and never miss a payment.
10. Live my life and get on with it.
11. ex no longer controls me.

TDQO

Way it's nice to see a resurgence on here

makeup

Good for you butterflies. It is so hard when some people take every opportunity to stir things up!!

Shoe_Gal

Hi makeup

Your Christmas sounds lovely, if a little dramatic :eek: Fab to think what you have achieved in 2011 - your own place :j Was remembering when you changed your signature to something like 'I'm not spending because I'd rather have a flat' - and now you've got it. It's great to see one of 'us' on this thread reaching their goals - well done you :A

Shoe_Gal

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

I feel I have achieved a lot since the divorce.
1. Got my own house.
2. got my sanity back.
3. got my confidence back and now stick up for myself.
4. got more friends.
5. have respect of my daughter even when I discipline her.
6. got hobbies i enjoy.
7. have respect for myself.
8. help people.
9. pay for my daughter and never miss a payment.
10. Live my life and get on with it.
11. ex no longer controls me.

Butterflies, sounds like you've had a awful time with your ex and his family, it's probably right that you've now cut contact and are concentrating on your daughter. Keep re-reading this list when you feel down, remember you have achieved so much

And changing your name will be a great boost, I changed mine after my divorce to a different name and it really gives a 'new beginning' feeling - even if it is just a piece of paper. You can do a deed poll on line now, without a solicitor, and then you can change everything, passport, driving licence, bank cards etc. Think it costs less than £50

Take care :A

Butterfliesarepretty

Thanks shoe gal for the support. since my dad died my mum has become closer to me and relies on me more. I feel more wanted these days. I am sat here typing while my daughter is playing sims on her new laptop and we are watching harry potter film.

I have her from 26th till new years days which is good for me and my daughter. It means the other family cant butt in at all lol.

We are just chilling and relaxing and playing games and the odd choccie here and there.

What could the ex family be so jealous of??? That I do things right??

Even when I have a partner they cant stand the sight of me being happy. I think they want me to suffer for rest of my life.
I could understand their problem with me if I was scrounging benefits and not paying for my daughter and getting drunk a lot etc.

I work, pay my bills, stay in, drive a 17 yr old car that I enjoy looking after, have friends and two cats and a supportive family.
Just like everyone else.

Anyone else have a ex-family who hate them?

eco

Butterflies my brother's second wife is a nut case, as far as she's always been concerned my brother never had a first wife and 2 kids, my brother had a son to this nutter and I feel so sorry for my nephew, we don't pull his mum to bits in front of him but she blames my younger sis and me for her and my brother splitting up. It had nothing to do with us, we hardly saw them, my brother finally saw the light and went, he had to fight for access which he knew he would have to.

I saw my nephew and the witch in Sainsbury's the other day, she never said hello but me and my nephew were chatting away and she just walked off and left him, he's 9 so he wasn't worried, he know's she's a fruit cake.

She's my uncle's step daughter so it's not like we haven't know her or her family, my brother is my dad's step son so they weren't related.

Look after yourself Butterflies and don't let other's try to undermine you, why there so negative towards you I don't know but jealousy makes people do some weird stuff, they don't deserve you or your time and there's no point trying to change there mind, you have achieved a lot.

Butterfliesarepretty

Thanks eco.

Is anyone still dating on here?

I no longer go on the dating sites I got bored.

I dont drink out anymore cause it never worked for me before and these days there is so much trouble about out at night.

makeup

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

Hi makeup

Your Christmas sounds lovely, if a little dramatic :eek: Fab to think what you have achieved in 2011 - your own place :j Was remembering when you changed your signature to something like 'I'm not spending because I'd rather have a flat' - and now you've got it. It's great to see one of 'us' on this thread reaching their goals - well done you :A

Thanks Shoegal, I decided this time last year that 2010 was going to be my year!!!! I really really wanted my own place and there were some other things I wanted - and I even managed to stick with one of my New Years Resolutions and went to the gym every week!!! (just need to sort my eating out )

I'd already made some big changes to my life which had improved things no end and this was the culmination really.

I turned 35 in November - and I wanted this to be a year to remember!!!

I'm looking forward to next year - kind of building on this year really. I want to get rid of my last few debts (I went on a fab holiday in Oct / Nov and have to pay this CC debt off from that) and I owe the Bank of Mum & Dad following my flat purchase.

I think I might start a diary to keep track of all my efforts!

Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck with their 2011 resolutions and hope that you all have a great night on Friday night!

Souk08

Oh do start a diary Make up. We'll all cheer you on!

Butterflies I still date but haven't been on one in ages as have a few guys on the go just now anyway.