MSE Parents Club Part 7

redmel1621

3onitsway wrote: »

Silly question!, but have you told him how you feel?
I know i'm absolutely rubbish at telling OH what I need him to do, I just slam around doing it myself, while throwing him the odd dirty look!

:rotfl:This is exactly what I do too...he gets the message eventually or we end up having a little row...then everything goes back to normal:rotfl:He always says to just ask him, but I hate asking cos I think he should KNOW what needs doing and then I get stroppy cos he doesn't, so I have just resigned myself to doing it all!!!

We are both still a little shocked really about expecting again, esp as Kai was a little grump for him today while I was at Uni:rolleyes: On a Thursday he has to pick up the big ones and look after the three of them from 3-7pm 4hrs....and the way he goes on, you would honestly think I had been on a fortnights holiday!!!

BrunoM

Hi all.

Mel, incredibly exciting news!! I am so pleased for you I beamed when I read it. Congratulations

MFD, sorry for your childminding stresses, must be v aggravating. Gummy babies are pretty cute, treasure those moments before the first tooth ;p

The many babies developing teeth today, this week and last week - go go! Biting is fun! Teeth are cool, and essential to the future

Skinty, ugh the main thing for us and for OH when she got too depressed was, it's temporary, everything changes all the time with babies anyway. If something is a huge misery, in a few weeks it will probably be gone. People are right to push you to think about expressing if you weren't already - it's not for everyone (OH did it for about 2-3 weeks only), but it can really make a difference. May seem odd, but "odd" is better than "completely miserable and frustrated".
One thing that I could do for OH was, although she was exclusively BF and there wasn't much expressing, I could play with the baby, and then when he needed feeding carry him to OH, put him in place, carry him away after. This was especially useful at night.

And, yes, to hell with real nappies til everything else is under control. PND is real and serious and not your fault, so please chat to someone like an HV about it without feeling bad or guilty

Feely and Skinty and others, I get so excessively angry when I hear about uninvolved OHs that I will shut up now. Sorry, not a criticism, my problem not all yours. Hugs to all who need them.

tiamai_d

Skinty you are at a crisis point, we all get them at various points. Firstly, its a point not a forever and things will get better. Secondly, use it to make some changes.

I get the weirdness about expressing, it's not something I enjoy and would never had done it at all had my babies not been in special care. But you can either just express, use formula or put up with it till she is on solids. Which ever one you feel is right for you, you do.

Your bedtime routine can be relaxed. Does she need a bath every night? Would she snooze on the sofa or in something downstairs with you?

Your OH has to realise that adult time is pretty much on hold till new baby time is over. My DH won't do housework and he did try the 'I'm just home from work I don't want to cuddle her untill I relax' routine on me, but Amber is my third and I don't take no crap (ha, ok, I do, but on this I don't). You don't get to pick and choose when you want to play daddies, soon as your home, your daddy, deal with it. You will get more time together if he spends an hour either entertaining baby or doing something else like sorting laundry/cooking dinner etc.

The amount of men that say, years down the line that they never realised how hard it is to deal with a baby all day amazes me. How can they not see it then and there? Or how they missed them growing up, usually because they came home from work, 'relaxed' and then wanted them in bed to relax with a stressed out mummy.

But we can all give you advice all day but when it comes down to it, you will find a way to get through it yourself, we all do because we are Mums and thats what we do. Mums are amazing.

money_maker_3

phantom thanker is back !!!

skintchick

I thought if she had a regular night routine then it would help her know to go to sleep, otherwise I just carry her up, feed her on the bed and expect her to sleep and it felt a bit abrupt. She won;t sleep anywhere else except on top of us, so having her down here with us isn;t really an option, and I do like her to go to bed properly cos she is still in with us and I have hopes of her going in her crib one day.

Tia I totally agree with you - he comes in so then he sould be Daddy and give me a break too. He barely sees her really so I think he should want to be with her.

I'll try the dummy again.

Really really really do not want to do formula though. I'd feel so much worse if I used it, I know I would.

Scared tot alk to someone cos I will cry. I can only be honest on here.

tiamai_d

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS Mel!!!!!

Well done t'other Christopher (we had 1 poo and 1 wee pee)

SS, it really doesn't matter how your baby came into the world huni, it's everything you do after that counts and your doing a great job.

Bruno, should we tell our menfolk that if they do the dishes they will get more sex because we will feel less frustrated with them

Feelie, big hugs for you just because.

workinmummy

Congratulations to Mel.

Skinty - I don't come on here enough to be able to offer advise, and my parenting is completely opposite to yours, formula feeding, disposable nappies, use of swings, bouncers etc to sooth Alex, but i do want to offer hugs, so sorry you are having a hard time of it,.

Alex had his 6 week check today. Everything fine. And the Doctor put Colief on repeat presctiption for me, so thats a saving of £9.99 per bottle. :money:
We are on day three of using the Colief and he now seems alot more settled, and is getting some sleep now in the day, as opposed to 10 minute cat naps. I even managed to get some ironing done today and made pea and ham soup. Domestic goddess or compelte fluke? Fluke i think! :rotfl:

ladybirdintheuk

Congratulations Mel!

You're making me broody too...

I didn't get the job. Good feedback though - she told me to keep applying for jobs at the council as I would be an asset to them, which isn't bad going. Someone else had more experience though, which is the luck of the draw with interviews I suppose. Never mind.

skintchick

Sorry Mel - CONGRATULATIONS! Bit wrapped up in myself tonight I'm sorry.

tiamai_d

Skinty, all of mine were great sleepers but I never had a set routine. I just went with the flow as to what I thought was right for that night. I think sometimes they can fight against a routine. If she is sleepy, put her to bed, if not let her stay up. She doesn't have school the next day after all.

My DH goes on about missing DS1 growing up, so he did try more with DS2. And now with Amber he has to gently (haha) reminded that she is 50% his.

What about hand expressing? Any less weird? I'd reccomend the medela harmony hand pump as it was the least 'invasive' that I used. It's small and gentle and just seems less like a peice of medical equipment. If you wanted to try it that is.

Can you write a letter for your HV to read? They are used to normal rational women suddenly breaking down in tears, it's part of their job, so don't feel embarassed about it.