Need some advice - stealing

gizmo111

Ultimately, she stole from me and through people's support on here and 'in real life' I have done what I believed to be right and fought for the return of the stolen items instead of just accepting this and being a door-mat

I gave you suggestions here on the beginning of the thread, but given the process you went through to be a SL provider, and you had a social worker did you not think it would have been more prudent and in line with your agreement to talk to him/her before posting on a public forum? There are dedicaed forums for people in the profession.

crawley_girl

Please don't think that I am looking for a scrap - i'm not! If I decide to go ahead and be a SL provider again, it is definately worth me considering all of the points that people have kindly commented on earlier in the thread.

I like your honesty and upfront-ness!

barnaby-bear

crawley_girl wrote: »

LOL!

I can see your points gizmo and agree with most of them. She had been with me for 2 yrs+ and I really am fond of her, despite the incident as previously described. Yeah, her life has been tough and not sure how I would have coped if the same had been inflicted on me. I am sad that the placement ended the way it did, but it had to happen as I was beginning to feel unsafe in my home.

I wondered how long it would take for someone to mention money!!! It wasn't and still isn't about the money or else I wouldn't have asked her to leave or I would have someone else lined up to take the room.

It was not a planned move - more a crisis situation that needed immediate intervention, sadly, this meant she needed to go. I genuinely feel that the 'system' has let her down but I am also feeling extremely guilty, despite people say that I need not. She didn't have a named worker until 3 weeks ago, her sw is new to the area, new to the job who told her conflicting information - SS would help, no they wouldn't, yes they would, all of which was wasting time as the clock was ticking towards the move out date. It wasn't well planned at all and again, I feel guilty and partly responsible.

With regards to her age, people who kindly responded to my OP were talking about her being 18, when I didn't make it clear that she was older. With regards to the little dig about 'resonable parents' - I was not and am not her parent but I still care about her and her welfare, even though some might argue, that my actions do not reflect this.

Ultimately, she stole from me and through people's support on here and 'in real life' I have done what I believed to be right and fought for the return of the stolen items instead of just accepting this and being a door-mat

I don't think you had much choice as to handle it. I was personally quite shocked by SS willingness to palm you off and I'm not sure most parents would stump up the cash no questions.... it would be work your ar^e off until it's paid back. I think you did her a favour by highlighting there are norms, consequences and comeback. This might well help her in the future.
The money sounds good but I know we wouldn't take it on and 20 and damaged probably far more immature than 14 and nice family Life is nasty nobody can protect their kids from that and in some way I guess she is like a child to you.... plenty of parents do force SS intervention or report their kids for stealing.... Ultimately you can only do so much and maybe in 10 years she will be sorted and appreciate the benefits of the security and support you offered.

mrbrightside842

crawley_girl wrote: »

LOL!

I can see your points gizmo and agree with most of them. She had been with me for 2 yrs+ and I really am fond of her, despite the incident as previously described. Yeah, her life has been tough and not sure how I would have coped if the same had been inflicted on me. I am sad that the placement ended the way it did, but it had to happen as I was beginning to feel unsafe in my home.

I wondered how long it would take for someone to mention money!!! It wasn't and still isn't about the money or else I wouldn't have asked her to leave or I would have someone else lined up to take the room.

It was not a planned move - more a crisis situation that needed immediate intervention, sadly, this meant she needed to go. I genuinely feel that the 'system' has let her down but I am also feeling extremely guilty, despite people say that I need not. She didn't have a named worker until 3 weeks ago, her sw is new to the area, new to the job who told her conflicting information - SS would help, no they wouldn't, yes they would, all of which was wasting time as the clock was ticking towards the move out date. It wasn't well planned at all and again, I feel guilty and partly responsible.

With regards to her age, people who kindly responded to my OP were talking about her being 18, when I didn't make it clear that she was older. With regards to the little dig about 'resonable parents' - I was not and am not her parent but I still care about her and her welfare, even though some might argue, that my actions do not reflect this.

Ultimately, she stole from me and through people's support on here and 'in real life' I have done what I believed to be right and fought for the return of the stolen items instead of just accepting this and being a door-mat

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing too. If you'd have rolled over and written the stolen items off, you yourself would obviously lose out, but you'd have been doing her no favours either. Hopefully she's been given a shock and realised how stupid she has been, and is thankful for the second chance. If she thought she'd got away with it, and tried something else, then she could end up in worse trouble, so hopefully this way she'll use her second chance wisely and be grateful for it.

clutton_2

i think crawley did exactly the right thing - and should have nothing at all to feel guilty about - you did your best - that is all any of us can do

to those who are being critical - would YOU take such a troubled young person into your home and look after them ??

GDB2222

I certainly wasn't being critical of Crawley_Girl. I was reacting to the whole pile of comments, from people who had very little information to go on, that CG should immediately go to the Police. She was absolutely right to regard this as a last resort. At the same time, CG thought she should not just roll over and ignore the theft, which has proved absolutely right.

gardenjenny

crawleygirl you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You have given an enourmous amount of your own time, energy, patience and sympathy. you have given more of yourself to this one girl than I have probably to all my good deeds over a life time. Though she is still struggling, i am sure she would be in a much worse position by now without your help. you have given all you absolutely could, right up to the point of feeling unsafe. You also handled the fall out really well. Well done you.

crawley_girl

gardenjenny wrote: »

crawleygirl you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You have given an enourmous amount of your own time, energy, patience and sympathy. you have given more of yourself to this one girl than I have probably to all my good deeds over a life time. Though she is still struggling, i am sure she would be in a much worse position by now without your help. you have given all you absolutely could, right up to the point of feeling unsafe. You also handled the fall out really well. Well done you.

Thank you gardenjenny and everyone else who commented on the thread. I really am grateful for the support and 'niceness' of EVERYONE who took the time to respond with their thoughts and opinions.

Thank you

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

clutton_2

i hope you get a much nicer young person next time

bw