Do I still fit in here if...

patchwork_cat

faithcecilia wrote: »

D'you know, the woman who went in is certainly not the woman who has come out. I thought I was so worldly-wise, that I knew it all and that it was cool to get drunk (not oblitterated, just regularly tipsy). I thought intention and desire would be enough to see me through, and I thought that I could run away from my past by being inside enclosure. None of this consciously, but I now see it. Now I feel more naiive and innocent than ever, yet also far, far older. I realise now that however far you run, you can't run away from yourself. That the past cannot just be left behind because its what has made you who you are - for good and bad. I realise that 'happiness' and immediate pleasures are totally different things.

My Mum used to say that - you can run as far as you like, but you can't run away from yourself. I don't know what has happened, but myself and my brother had VERY traumatic childhoods. I was on anti depressants for a long time and we have both had lots of counselling . We were talking the other day and I said be kind to yourself you had a rotten childhood - he told me that that phrase helped him more than most of his counselling.

He had CBT and it didn't help, but I was looking up about CBT and found a site detailing adverse childhood experiences and the incidence of things like alcholism and suicide in adult life and the incidence of suicide for example went up exponentially with the more adverse childhood experiences, so I say to him and myself now don't beat yourself up - you are doing well to still be alive.

So be kind to yourself.( I mean figuratively, don't beat yourself up)

ceridwen

We dont know whats here in Faiths background....maybe one day she will tell us...'tis entirely up to her..... obviously this is one possibility..who knows? We dont know....and its not basically up to us why .....

What IS up to us....and what we CAN do....is put forward helpful suggestions right now as to "where to go from here"...and give our best wishes for this.

This is certainly something that I have often thought though - that I do wish people wouldnt have children unless they really want to/have thought it through fully/etc/etc....why? why? why do people have children if they dont actually love them and intend to bring them up "properly"?

I think that is one of the questions that just isnt going to get answered....

Some of us are lucky enough to have "parent" type parents...some of us arent....and goodness only knows why people in the second category go on to become parents....every child deserves to be loved/wanted/planned for...

<hugs to you Patchwork Cat for what has happened in your/your brothers case>

daska

ceridwen wrote: »

I'm sorta inclined to think that someone wouldnt become a nun if they were a "child-focused" sort of person....I may be wrong on that one...Nowt either right or wrong with being "child-focused" or otherwise - some of us are/some of us arent...thats just how 'tis....

I know exactly what you mean. I wouldn't put myself down as particularly 'mumsy', certainly not compared to DS1's stepmother who is the kind of person who irons underpants... But my great aunt 'Sister R******' was engaged and planning a family before she chose to enter a convent and I remember her as way more fun and child centred than her sisters - possibly because she hadn't had to struggle bringing up children during a world war - she obviously enjoyed every minute of the time we spent with her.

P.S. Not everyone exploits their staff - my PAs are more likely to leave early with a bottle of home made jam.

daska

patchwork_cat wrote: »

found a site detailing adverse childhood experiences and the incidence of things like alcholism and suicide in adult life and the incidence of suicide for example went up exponentially with the more adverse childhood experiences, so I say to him and myself now don't beat yourself up - you are doing well to still be alive.

Tis true - I met my current husband at school and it was a very traumatic experience with physical and psychological abuse. A huge number of ex-pupils have problems with alcohol, drugs, self-harm, OCD. Yesterday I saw a picture of a [STRIKE]girl[/STRIKE] woman who we were at school with who tried to kill herself shortly after we left school and it struck me that she looked happier in that photo than I could ever remember her looking at school. It made me cry, but in a good way.

faithcecilia

Well, I had a lovely day yesterday. I was anxious in the morning and thought about not going, but in the end was glad I did. It was lovely to meet my friends children who I hadn't met before andyes, it was just rally nice.

Now lts see what today holds...

cheerfulness4

daska wrote: »

But my great aunt 'Sister R******' was engaged and planning a family before she chose to enter a convent and I remember her as way more fun and child centred than her sisters

And we can't forget the Von Trapp family here either. She must be the most famous nun that left a convent to become a nanny and ended up with a rather large family as a result. I remember reading her life story - it was fascinating.

daska

I think that people that choose to enter religious orders nowadays (as opposed to those who were formerly given no choice in the matter) are often those that appreciate simpler pleasures, the happiness that a smile can bring or finding a new flower - just like a child can spend ages looking at a flower or responds to a smile. There is such an emphasis on the 'frenetic' where children are concerned now: enforced jollyness and annoyingly cheerful voices, I'm always desperate for a bit of quiet calm when I've spent time in the local playgroups listening to non-stop clappy upbeat cheerful singing. It seems most people no longer give children the opportunity to stop and watch and listen to what's going on around them.

patchwork_cat

I do say we know nothing about what happened to the OP, and I probably got carried away explaining why I was saying what I wanted to say!, but my feeling is no matter what has happened be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up.

Psykicpup

faithcecilia wrote: »

Well, I had a lovely day yesterday. I was anxious in the morning and thought about not going, but in the end was glad I did. It was lovely to meet my friends children who I hadn't met before andyes, it was just rally nice.

Now lts see what today holds...

I'm glad you did too.... I had a period after my hubby was ill when I suffered depression(mild) & anxiety & thing such as this although scary really helped me.

you have our love Faith

23rdspiral

faithcecilia wrote: »

Well, I had a lovely day yesterday. I was anxious in the morning and thought about not going, but in the end was glad I did. It was lovely to meet my friends children who I hadn't met before andyes, it was just rally nice.

Now lts see what today holds...

Hi Cecilia, I hope your sunday has been as good as your saturday. Whilst i was out on my picnick with friends yesterday, i thought of you and hoped you were having a nice time.

I really wouldnt worry about the different people you've been at different times, we are all that everyday (boss/worker, parent/child, provider/care-reciever...), even from minute to minute. I love the idea that you can have pink stilletos and then become a nun, why not! Just as you are allowed to take very good care of yourself now, and hopefully come to enjoy your time out, and then return if you wish later. It really is ok.

Ceridwen - thank you for your words, i know they are meant for cecilia, but your thoughts are very true and no doubt will help many people in many different ways ~ you are very wise, so thank you for caring and sharing. (gosh that sounds smarmy, but i dont mean it to be!):o

GOOD LUCK TOMOROW CECILIA !! :T