Do I still fit in here if...

daska

How about drawing up a lodger tenancy agreement? You can pay for them - downloads about £10 available on-line - but alternatively just write your own: names, address, amount of rent, house rules like no food in the bedroom, only use the washing machine on Friday etc. Get it witnessed and dated by someone not related and not at that address. Might prove useful.

faithcecilia

daska wrote: »

How about drawing up a lodger tenancy agreement? You can pay for them - downloads about £10 available on-line - but alternatively just write your own: names, address, amount of rent, house rules like no food in the bedroom, only use the washing machine on Friday etc. Get it witnessed and dated by someone not related and not at that address. Might prove useful.

We got one done on Monday, 4wks rent paid from my resettlement allowance.

faithcecilia

zippychick wrote: »

Cecilia, i think a lot of people just feel for you as you seem so clueless (no offence intended) and innocent. We can all imagine you as our friend, cousin, daughter, grandaughter - so feel even more for you and im sure we all wish we could help you more than we actually do. If you lived near me, i would be dropping you food parcels over!

I am, totally clueless and totally bewildered. And I can't go back to my family as it was past difficulties (and mum throwing a paddy at the convent) that has led to me needing this time out! I just want to wake up and it be a bad dream i miss my friends so much, but they live too close to my family for me to stay near them, so I just spend my time on here to pass the day til my 'frandlord' gets home, then spend the nights crying.

floss2

Maybe you could think about becoming a "befriender / listener" for a local nursing home or hospice? Or volunteering for a few hours in a local charity shop? It would get you out of your home for a few hours a week, help you meet people (which must be a bit odd for you at the moment) and maybe help to clarify what you wish to do while you have some 'time-out'.

floss2

faithcecilia wrote: »

.... I just want to wake up and it be a bad dream i miss my friends so much, but they live too close to my family for me to stay near them, so I just spend my time on here to pass the day til my 'frandlord' gets home, then spend the nights crying.

Maybe you would benefit from a chat with your GP...or are they, too, near your family? How about your priest, as a way of "off-loading" the hurt and upset you feel? Or would the Order be able to help by directing you to some counselling or support during this difficult time? I'm sure you aren't the first and probably won't be the last person who has a situation like this brought on by circumstances (I have made an assumption that it is not a crisis of faith).

faithcecilia

floss2 wrote: »

Maybe you would benefit from a chat with your GP...or are they, too, near your family? How about your priest, as a way of "off-loading" the hurt and upset you feel? Or would the Order be able to help by directing you to some counselling or support during this difficult time? I'm sure you aren't the first and probably won't be the last person who has a situation like this brought on by circumstances (I have made an assumption that it is not a crisis of faith).

My order are paying for counselling, and are being supportive by email etc. My friends, my best girlfriends, live down south, only streets away from my family (which is where the 'crisis' is, I am currently living in the north west with a very good friend, but it cannot last forever. I just want a mum really! Noy my actually mum, just someone who can be my mum while I get through this. Oh its pathetic. Can you believe 5yrs ago I was high up in the industry I then worked in, and was replaced by 2 people when I left??? Now getting up is hard, made better only because it means the night is over.

CCP

faithcecilia wrote: »

I am, totally clueless and totally bewildered. And I can't go back to my family as it was past difficulties (and mum throwing a paddy at the convent) that has led to me needing this time out! I just want to wake up and it be a bad dream i miss my friends so much, but they live too close to my family for me to stay near them, so I just spend my time on here to pass the day til my 'frandlord' gets home, then spend the nights crying.

I've been lurking on this thread a bit as I don't really have anything useful to add to the budgeting discussion but I had to respond to this - I just wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug! This is the best I can do, I'm afraid - :grouphug:

I like floss2's suggestion of looking into the possibility of voluntary work, at least for a few hours a week if you don't feel you can cope with more at the moment. As floss said, it would give you the opportunity to get out and meet people, and you might feel a bit less lost if you have something to concentrate on. (My sister has recently lost her job and that's what I'm telling her, too, so I hope it's good advice!)

I really hope that your feelings at the moment are just due to your drastic change in circumstances and you'll feel better as it becomes more 'normal' - please do keep posting as I'm very keen to know how you get on.

Floss

faithcecilia wrote: »

.... I am currently living in the north west with a very good friend, but it cannot last forever...

I will PM (private message) you...

ceridwen

PasturesNew wrote: »

I note that your landlord is male. I wonder if anything you've said in your form for benefits would indicate in any way that you/he are any sort of an "item". If you are seen as a couple then it's up to him to support you.

In your use of words, you might have inadvertently misrepresented your relationship to your landlord, or they might have come to a conclusion that he's your boyfriend.

Pastures has made a very good point here and one to take into consideration. Faith - it would be best if you have provable ways to make it plain that it IS indeed just a landlord/tenant relationship when you go along on Monday. Stuff like a tenancy agreement/the fact that you have separate rooms/you are not doing anything at all that could be construed as "living as husband and wife" (like sharing social events together/going shopping together/etc - yes....we know...we know....even platonic friends/flatmates/etc do things like this and it doesnt mean they are "husband and wife" like - but this is the sorta way the DWP functions). So - do bear in mind that you need all the "evidence"/arguments you can muster to prove that you are just landlord/tenant. We believe you - and would regard the fact that you have just recently been a nun as evidence enough for us:D - but something a bit more "concrete" would be as well for the DWP.

It would be as well to think through exactly how/why you became a tenant of your friend from the DWP's viewpoint - see it through their eyes. In the "everyday world" we all know that landlord/opposite sex tenant relationships do noticeably often became "relationships" in fact - so be prepared to make it QUITE clear how "innocent/businesslike" it IS to them.

Take courage though Faith - I do believe you will come through this having "won your case".

ceridwen

faithcecilia wrote: »

Thank you, thank you all for all the ideas and support you are giving me on here. Regardless of what the actual financial decision is, I feel better knowing that so many 'total strangers' are being so wonderfully kind and caring.

The 'hardship allowance' is certainly worth knowing about - at least I could pay the bus to my counsellor! (essential, being paid for by my old community in hope I will be able to return in the future) and buy bits and bobs to eat. My friend/landlord will not let me starve! Also, another friends mother has very generously offered to 'adopt' me, which may end upp being a good idea in a few months time anyway.

Once again, many, many thanks, you are all:A:A:A

We know what you mean about "my friend/landlord will not let me starve" - and he sounds like a good friend to have. Errr....but please dont say that to the DWP - in case they misinterpret it.....