problem with 5 year old boy

Keeping_Motivated

oystercatcher wrote: »

He's only five my guess is he thought a dark corner was a private place and no one would notice! There's no harm OP being slighty more aware of possibilities of abuse though, it does happen but hopefully this is just an innocent mistake.

I think OP needs to have a careful chat with son and explain that some things are very private but it is OK to explore and enjoy in private and maybe explain exactly what private means.

I agree but I would also be aware of saying that no one else should touch you and that you can always talk to me (parent) about anything like this and you would never be in trouble. I would also apologise for smacking and explain it was just shock of people being around, that way the child won't be left thinking I can't talk to the parent as they get cross about things like that.

Paparika

jamespir wrote: »

took 5 year old son to the local soft play/ball pit place he loves it hadnt seen him for awhile so went to look for him and hes was in one of the dark areas with his shorts and pants down playing with himself i smacked his legs and told him never to do it again but im worried he will
he lives with his grandparents during the week so im not sure whether to mention it to them or not and if theres away that we can nip this in the bud before it gets worse

It's perfectly normal, once a male discovers his 'winky' that's it they never stop playing with it, slapping him and telling him never to do it again, might cause problems later, like others have said, rather than shout and slap, sit down and explain why they can't do it in public...... children tend to understand things better when things are explained rather than *slap no.

sit and talk to your child...

bestpud

I agree you need to be very clear which part of it you disagree with.

I would definitely speak with the grandparents, as most children play with their bits but less do so in a public area like that, and you need to work together to make sure he realises there is a time and a place.

mishkanorman

my 2 boys are 4 and 6 and im forever telling them to stop twiddling with it, normally thats just while they are sat watching tv but if my youngest gets really excited about something he will sometimes hold himself like he needs the loo.

Have you checked your son doesnt have a sore or some kind of urine infection, if its uncomfortable he may just have been investigating it. or could there have been another child involved that you didnt see ?


mishka

Frith

My boys often have a fiddle or a "twirl"! It doesn't mean anything to them at a young age.

I did draw the line at B and Q though when I turned round to find big son had it "all out" and was pretending to do a wee in each toilet on display in turn!

PasturesNew

I remember visiting my aunt/uncle years ago, we were ushered into the back/living room and my 18 year old cousin was crouched on the fire surround tugging away to himself. His family treated it as though there was nothing going on at all..... he then decided to become obsessed with sitting on the floor, at my mum's feet, just to see (and tell the room) if he thought she had knickers on or not.

At what age would a parent stop ignoring it?

alwaysonthego_2

jamespir wrote: »

took 5 year old son to the local soft play/ball pit place he loves it hadnt seen him for awhile so went to look for him and hes was in one of the dark areas with his shorts and pants down playing with himself i smacked his legs and told him never to do it again but im worried he will
he lives with his grandparents during the week so im not sure whether to mention it to them or not and if theres away that we can nip this in the bud before it gets worse

I am very shocked that you smacked your child for doing something that is natural to him. If you do not handle this properly he could end up having a complex with his body.

You need to talk to his main care givers and work together on this. You need to talk to him and expalin why it is not appropriate in a public place. I have had this conversation with my daughter and told her that if she wanted to touch her privates she should go to her bedroom and not do it in front of people as it is a very private thing. My dd never did it again in public.

I think you overeacted as he is very young!

frugallass

I think the physical punishment was OTT (whether it was a light slap or a punch) he didn't deserve 'discipline' for touching his own body !

I would have removed him from the place and talked to him about it, encouraging him to open up about why he did it (and why he did it there).

jamespir - you said "I'm not sure that the message has sunk in" - I'm curious what message were you trying to put across to your son.

mandragora_2

jamespir wrote: »

maybe i was wrong to smack him but it was a light slap not a full hearty punch or anything

Let's be thankful for small mercies, eh?

When might a 'full hearty punch' be the right thing to do?

ellies_angel

jamespir wrote: »

took 5 year old son to the local soft play/ball pit place he loves it hadnt seen him for awhile so went to look for him and hes was in one of the dark areas with his shorts and pants down playing with himself i smacked his legs and told him never to do it again but im worried he will
he lives with his grandparents during the week so im not sure whether to mention it to them or not and if theres away that we can nip this in the bud before it gets worse

Me things you had a bit of an over reaction.....................
Most children will touch themselves at that age it is nothing to do with sexual gratification but can be nice and comforting.
I had a little girl frequently sitting with one hand down her pants and while sucking her thumb at story time. I would simply ask her to go wash her hands. What is appropriate is to tell them that it something which should be done in the privacy of their bedroom.
It is unusual for him to be hiding and I would question him about why he was in hiding, rather than what he was doing. He can't tell you why he was doing it but he could tell you why he was away in a dark corner. Remember he is only 5! The last thing you want is him growing up with negative issues about his body.

I think smacking him was wrong (and if you didn't want to hear that you shouldn't have posted that you had) you reacted to something you were uncomfortable with.