problem with 5 year old boy

jamespir

took 5 year old son to the local soft play/ball pit place he loves it hadnt seen him for awhile so went to look for him and hes was in one of the dark areas with his shorts and pants down playing with himself i smacked his legs and told him never to do it again but im worried he will
he lives with his grandparents during the week so im not sure whether to mention it to them or not and if theres away that we can nip this in the bud before it gets worse

PolishBigSpender

What exactly is wrong with a child discovering his own body? Perhaps not the smartest place to do such a thing, but talking about something that is perfectly normal as if it's a crime and should be punished with physical violence doesn't strike me as being particularly sensible.

jamespir

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

What exactly is wrong with a child discovering his own body? Perhaps not the smartest place to do such a thing, but talking about something that is perfectly normal as if it's a crime and should be punished with physical violence doesn't strike me as being particularly sensible.

so youre saying its perfectly ok to masturbate in public

and how i wish to discipline my child is my business

Soubrette

When mine did anything like this when they were small, I told them that it was something to do in private and stopped the activity.

I personally wouldn't smack a child for doing anything like this - I feel that this might set them up to be ashamed of their own genitals. It also sets them up for inevitable failure - everyone I know masturbates or has done in the past

I would however mention it to his Grandparents and work out how everyone is going to deal with it in a low key way.

Sou

onetomany

im forever telling my 7 year old to leave hisself alone , i think its normal behaviour but you should have a word and explain that its normal but really should be done in private good luck

Keeping_Motivated

I am no expert on this but the fact he did it in such a public place maybe is unusual where as if it was at home I would say it wasn't something to be so worried about.

My first thought was is anything going on that has made him 'so' aware of his body and for him to act out such inappropriate behaviour in public? I would be very wary of why he was doing that rather than punishing him.

Soubrette

I think the point that polishspender was making is that your son will not be able to tell if you are punishing him for masturbating or masturbating in public.

While it is desireable to stop the latter, it isn't fair on your son to give him a complex about the former.

Sou

Soubrette

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I am no expert on this but the fact he did it in such a public place maybe is unusual where as if it was at home I would say it wasn't something to be so worried about.

My first thought was is anything going on anywhere that has made him 'so' aware of his body and for him to act out such inappropriate behaviour in public? I would be very wary of why he was doing that rather than punishing him.

Out of interest, do you have children?

I'm asking because this is not uncommon at all - children do not have the social mores and graces that we do and playing with your willy is a bit fun, it doesn't necessarily occur to them that other people may find it embarrasing.

Sou

jamespir

mspig wrote: »

Children do this sort of thing(having three lads i know), but i would try to talk to him about it not being a good idea to be looking/feeling etc at himself when out in public.
I agree with that smacking him wasen't exactly the greatest thing to do but you can't change the past so i would explain to him that you weren't happy to see him doing it when he was outside, but it is ok in the privacy of his own room (aslong as its not all the time) - but i would also be careful of not making too big a deal out of it.
I would speak to the grandparents - you never know they might already know about him doing it and didn't want to mention to you about it.

i did talk to him about it after he just found it funny thos so im not sure the message has sunk in yeah maybe i was wrong to smack him but it was a light slap not a full hearty punch or anything

Keeping_Motivated

Soubrette wrote: »

Out of interest, do you have children?

I'm asking because this is not uncommon at all - children do not have the social mores and graces that we do and playing with your willy is a bit fun, it doesn't necessarily occur to them that other people may find it embarrasing.

Sou

I do have children. I agree I am over cautious with my thoughts too I know children don't have the social intelligence that an adult has but I suppose my alarm bells rang because they were at a soft play centre where chilren are usually distracted by the fun/excitement in that sort of place rather than in a relaxed state where their hand naturally gravitates to their privates. However I am no expert and my thoughts probably border on 'hysterical' so best thing to do is keep it mind but not to focus on it as at this point there is no other evidence of foul play.

oystercatcher

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I am no expert on this but the fact he did it in such a public place maybe is unusual where as if it was at home I would say it wasn't something to be so worried about.

My first thought was is anything going on that has made him 'so' aware of his body and for him to act out such inappropriate behaviour in public? I would be very wary of why he was doing that rather than punishing him.

He's only five my guess is he thought a dark corner was a private place and no one would notice! There's no harm OP being slighty more aware of possibilities of abuse though, it does happen but hopefully this is just an innocent mistake.

I think OP needs to have a careful chat with son and explain that some things are very private but it is OK to explore and enjoy in private and maybe explain exactly what private means.