At my wits end and don't know what to do

SouthCoast

Has your OH discussed his debt position with Business Debtline?

http://www.bdl.org.uk/

I ask as I found this:

What's expected of parents and partners?

If you’re the parent or partner of a student, you may be expected to make a contribution towards their living costs while they’re at university or college.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/UniversityAndHigherEducation/StudentFinance/Parentsandpartners/DG_171587

ZiggyStardust_2

supersavershal wrote: »

Well done you, but OP has 4 children under seven to bring up, she can do this when they are at school.she is not considering her families needs.i work in health- she wont cope!

I'm sorry but I think it is quite unfair to say she isn't 'considering her family's needs'. She is bettering herself and will be working for her family's future which, in my book, means she is vey much considering her family's needs! She doesn't need to be judged in this way.

penny.pincher_6

ZiggyStardust wrote: »

I'm sorry but I think it is quite unfair to say she isn't 'considering her family's needs'. She is bettering herself and will be working for her family's future which, in my book, means she is vey much considering her family's needs! She doesn't need to be judged in this way.

yes, I agree! I personally wouldn't have the bottle, but if the OP has considered the realities as she says then I'm not sure it's for anyone else to debate

supersavershal wrote: »

Well done you,

I should have added that we fitted child number 2 in - right in the middle of the PGCE! I definitely see people's points, and I think it's very fair enough to say something isn't possible from your perspective, but some people can achieve the seemingly UNachievable.

supersavershal

penny.pincher wrote: »

yes, I agree! I personally wouldn't have the bottle, but if the OP has considered the realities as she says then I'm not sure it's for anyone else to debate

Actually it is, open forum etc?
She hasnt started yet.ive done it pre kids, SIL is halfway there with 2 babies and i teach a module on said course so am trying to open her eyes to the reality.

I should have added that we fitted child number 2 in - right in the middle of the PGCE! I definitely see people's points, and I think it's very fair enough to say something isn't possible from your perspective, but some people can achieve the seemingly UNachievable.

PGCEdoes not involve lates, nights and weekends on placement AS WELL AS doing your assignments.where does family time fit in? something suffers usually family life.

OP may not like what i say but if we only tell her what she wants to hear we do her a diservice.
midwifery students have no say in their off duty, no carers leave entitlement and any misses time has to be made up at end without bursary.

supersavershal

penny.pincher wrote: »

yes, I agree! I personally wouldn't have the bottle, but if the OP has considered the realities as she says then I'm not sure it's for anyone else to debate

OP doesnt know realities as has not started course.she invited debate by posting on an open forum.

supersavershal

ZiggyStardust wrote: »

I'm sorry but I think it is quite unfair to say she isn't 'considering her family's needs'. She is bettering herself and will be working for her family's future which, in my book, means she is vey much considering her family's needs! She doesn't need to be judged in this way.

her family suffer whilst she does lates, earlies, nights, weekends, holidays, and degree level coursework for 3 yrs.How on earth is that condusive to family liffe.who will take children to first day at school, parents evening, school play, birthdays, christmmas day?
Like you said she is "bettering herself" her family will suffer and there is no gaurantee she will get a job.

the_cat

Cherrypie

I understand how desperately you want to do this course, both for yourself and for the future finances of your family. I feel you are taking a risk, in that you don't know exactly how much will be coming in, or how timewise you will cope as a family with the various commitments. Having said that, you will be very aware by now even if you weren't before of the pitfalls that may arise by reading the (IMO) well meant opionions of the posters here.

It is obvious that you intend to start the course and despite the fact that I would never be prepared to take that chance myself I applaud your bravery. I very much hope that it works out well for you.

On a practical level, I see that the car is now in operation:D. So time to get that car boot sale done! Make it this weekend as the weather is only going to get worse from now on and you won't have the time once you start at uni.
The loan to MIL is a tricky one. I too would be furious :eek:
That won't solve the problem though. You need to sit down with her and explain how bad things have got for you and get her to take this debt over if at all possible or AT THE VERY LEAST make sure that she pays enough per month that she is covering the interest too


Good luck

cherrypie556

supersavershal wrote: »

from your posts on another thread i see you are only starting your course now.you have 3 really difficult years ahead of you.my SIL is in her 2nd year and has a great childcare and financial set up, she is struggling with the demanding workload, shifts and guilt about not spending time with her babies.i dont think you will cope, you wont last 6 months.you are not considering the impact on your family, and like i said previously not many vacancies if and when you qualify.

You might not be able to copeand your sil obviously cannot but i can. I have already done 2 yrs full time at college and coped remarkably well thankyou and i did that whilst heavily pregnant with my 4th. If you have nothing constructive or nice to say the please just p** off! also i would get you to tell ur SIl that she can't cope and she is making a huge mistake. See if she continues to talk to you. Spiteful!

dmg24

cherrypie556 wrote: »

You might not be able to copeand your sil obviously cannot but i can. I have already done 2 yrs full time at college and coped remarkably well thankyou and i did that whilst heavily pregnant with my 4th. If you have nothing constructive or nice to say the please just p** off! also i would get you to tell ur SIl that she can't cope and she is making a huge mistake. See if she continues to talk to you. Spiteful!

What a horrible comment. People are trying to help, and you are just plain rude.

You have no idea of the difference in workload between your previous course and the midwifery degree. If you think that they are comparable, you are in for one almighty shock.

Good luck with sorting out your debt. But you need to stop thinking about what you want to do, and focus on what is best for your family as a whole. The course will still be available next year, the roof over your head may not be.

ZiggyStardust_2

supersavershal wrote: »

Like you said she is "bettering herself" her family will suffer and there is no gaurantee she will get a job.

Goodness me. So bettering herself by having a career isn't going to help her children?! Never mind being a positive role model to her children by working hard to get a good job. And as for saying there is 'no guarantee she'll get a job', isn't this an issue many of us face within different professions? I have a friend who went into a profession that was heavily over subscribed but she got offered a job at the place where she had a placement (within the NHS). It can depend on the part of the country you live in, personal experience, making positive impressions at placements and making contacts.

Ok, the point about parents evenings, school plays etc...what would the problem be if the father was able to make these? Would there be an argument if it was the MAN doing this course?? :rolleyes: Alot of mothers have to work long hours and shifts and can't always be there for these things no matter how hard they try or want to. I find the whole guilt trip put on some working mothers offensive and I'm sure I'm not the only one.