At my wits end and don't know what to do

supersavershal

cherrypie556 wrote: »

there is no way on this earth i am not going to uni, i might never get another chance at midwiferey as it is one of the most competitive and hardest courses to get onto, something which most don't realise.
i will be working 12 hr shifts and have up to 4 assignments ata atime to complete so going on the bank system probs isn't viable. TBH

you are not going to like what I say.I work in health, there are hundreds of experienced midwives who cannot get a job and are either working as hcas or banking.A job at the end of your uni course is not gaurenteed.It is a very competative and difficult course and there are young, childfree students who you will be competing with.
It is not true you cannot take a year out, you can, you can defer and join a group later on (I teach a module on the midwifery degree).
For your familys sake you need to take at least a year out and get a full time job, maybe evening work too and get your family straight.
You cannot afford at this time to indulge your dreams of becoming a midwife, the likelihood is even if you qualify there will be no job for you and your family is suffering.
You are not in the right position to do this course now, you should have waited until your family was older, perhaps all at school.Your smaller children need you and your family needs to eat.
Defer your course and get a job, you can always go back to it in the future, perhaps when the chance of getting a job from it is higher.

sunday_girl

You are not going to like what I have to say either, but completely agree with the PP. While I can absolutely see the appeal in training for a rewarding career such as midwifery...you have 4 children of your own that you don't seem to be prioritising. I see from a previous post that they are all under 7. Are you really going to be happy leaving them with a young, (untrained?) au pair? When you are qualified, if you get a job you will still have childcare to sort out across various shifts, I just can't see how it's going to get any easier? Sometimes we can't always do exactly what we want to do, especially is we have chosen to have children. I think you seriously need to think about who you are putting first here?

hippychick1

I am starting my nursing training in January, which I deferred from last year. Can't you do the same? I will also be on placement, for a 40 hour week for half the course, but also have a part time job. I will work 16 hrs a week during uni time to be able to qualify for tax credits. I know many people who do this, and it is possible, if extremely tiring.

I woiuld seriously consider phoning the uni and defer your course for a year. The children will all be a year older, and you could work hard to improve your financial situation. The year will fly by. Why is it essential to start now?

The stress of the intense course will be hard enough, without the added stress of young children and money worries.

I wish you the best of luck in your course.

cherrypie556

supersavershal wrote: »

you are not going to like what I say.I work in health, there are hundreds of experienced midwives who cannot get a job and are either working as hcas or banking.A job at the end of your uni course is not gaurenteed.It is a very competative and difficult course and there are young, childfree students who you will be competing with.
It is not true you cannot take a year out, you can, you can defer and join a group later on (I teach a module on the midwifery degree).
For your familys sake you need to take at least a year out and get a full time job, maybe evening work too and get your family straight.
You cannot afford at this time to indulge your dreams of becoming a midwife, the likelihood is even if you qualify there will be no job for you and your family is suffering.
You are not in the right position to do this course now, you should have waited until your family was older, perhaps all at school.Your smaller children need you and your family needs to eat.
Defer your course and get a job, you can always go back to it in the future, perhaps when the chance of getting a job from it is higher.

If i were to take a year out i couldn't get a job. We have looked at the possibility of getting a job and I have last year in fact worked but had to give it up due to the fact i was only working for £7 a week because of all the TC we lost. This was also night shifts so no childcare. If i got a FT job, we would be worse off because I would need to be bringing £200 a week home after paying tax and childcare just to break even with what we get now, obviously if i can get £200 a week via TC and only the same or less working, im not going to go to work! We will be better off once I start uni due to the bursary and loan we get so to contemplate deferring is just mad!.

And for you that chose to say im not thinking about my kids, how dare you! I hjave spent 4 years training and applying for this course and iam fully aware of what the course entails, the demands it puts upon myslef and it is not something i have just thought' oh im going to do this' without giving EVERYTHING a second thought. And if I have to stay behind to help deliver a baby if the lady wants me too then thats fine, it's all part and parcel of the job. Im sure you think that i haven't thought anything through and think iam going into this with my eyes closed but that is not the case at all.

The dry spell with DH's work has only been the last 2 weeks, he has had constant jobs for the past year, everyone goes through a bad patch and it doesn't mean that we all have to give up what we want to do. DH will not stay at home to look after the kids, he is not that type of person and TBH I don't expect him too. What happens then if he is then inundated with jobs as he sometimes is, does he say no? We would be worse off with him staying at home.

I think I will leave this thread now as I originally came on for advice and support, not people basically telling me iam irresponsible for wanting to better myself and that of our future.

We will be fine, we always are.

Nargleblast

Cherrypie - sometimes when we ask for advice we don't always like what we hear, but it takes an outsider to look at a picture more clearly without being emotionally involved. Having received lots of advice you have made a decision to continue with your plans. Good luck - I and most of the others on here really do hope things work out for you. The important thing to remember is though that you and your OH are jointly responsible for the family and the finances and have to sit down together and work things out - he may have to bite the bullet and do more re staying home to look after the kids, just as you may have to take some tough decisions during your training. Your children come first in everything as they are so young and dependent. Hopefully you will ride out the rough patch and come out with a good qualification and good career prospects. I will warn you however that you will most likely be several thousands in debt at the end of the course so you should make plans to sort out finances now in preparation for that. Once again, good luck and please come back at intervals and let us know how you are doing.

kittiej

It's not that anyone is against you training to become a midwife in principle, it's the mechanics of making it happen.

You constantly defend your OH which whilst commendable it's not practical.

If the work only dried up two weeks ago then why are cheques going to bounce, DD's go unpaid and you're maxed out on the OD, the car needs fixing, can't pay the accountant? I don't think you are being completely honest.

Why doesn't your OH want to offer you the same support that you show him?

I feel quite sad for you really, I just hope you don't burn yourself out with all the thinking and running around, you did say you are at your wits end.

As you haven't posted your SOA we are only getting part of the picture

WASHER

kittiej wrote: »

If the work only dried up two weeks ago then why are cheques going to bounce, DD's go unpaid and you're maxed out on the OD, the car needs fixing, can't pay the accountant? I don't think you are being completely honest.

Why doesn't your OH want to offer you the same support that you show him?

I feel quite sad for you really, I just hope you don't burn yourself out with all the thinking and running around, you did say you are at your wits end.

As you haven't posted your SOA we are only getting part of the picture

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1933259&highlight=cherrypie+soa

The soa was posted on this thread, with £26k of debt the situation hasn't build up over the past two weeks, unfortunately for the OP I don't think her lightbulb moment has truly happened yet, we will here ready to give advice, not judge when it does happen.

bunny999

It's the au pair I feel sorry for.

wannabedebtfree_2

Cherrypie, I hope you read this, I know you feel the OP's are being harsh but they are trying to help.

I can understand why you want to do the course, I have pushed myself through an OU degree for the past 5 years on top of a full time job, and I'm doing it for all of us not just myself.

As for the au-pair, why are you only getting one for 3 months (I know you said childminder places will come up) when it is clearly the cheaper option in the long term?

Personally I waited until both of my kids were at school before I got a full time 'day' job, and I started my degree a couple of years later, but I would never condemn someone who chooses to put their kids in childcare of any form; its down to personal choice after all.

I hope it all works out for you, but your short term plans need looking over again, and as someone else has already said you haven't racked up £26k of debt in just two weeks, look at all viable options and maybe hubby will have to accept that in the short term he needs to bite the bullet and do what needs doing. x

sp1987

cherrypie556 wrote: »

If i were to take a year out i couldn't get a job. We have looked at the possibility of getting a job and I have last year in fact worked but had to give it up due to the fact i was only working for £7 a week because of all the TC we lost. This was also night shifts so no childcare. If i got a FT job, we would be worse off because I would need to be bringing £200 a week home after paying tax and childcare just to break even with what we get now, obviously if i can get £200 a week via TC and only the same or less working, im not going to go to work! We will be better off once I start uni due to the bursary and loan we get so to contemplate deferring is just mad!.

And for you that chose to say im not thinking about my kids, how dare you! I hjave spent 4 years training and applying for this course and iam fully aware of what the course entails, the demands it puts upon myslef and it is not something i have just thought' oh im going to do this' without giving EVERYTHING a second thought. And if I have to stay behind to help deliver a baby if the lady wants me too then thats fine, it's all part and parcel of the job. Im sure you think that i haven't thought anything through and think iam going into this with my eyes closed but that is not the case at all.

The dry spell with DH's work has only been the last 2 weeks, he has had constant jobs for the past year, everyone goes through a bad patch and it doesn't mean that we all have to give up what we want to do. DH will not stay at home to look after the kids, he is not that type of person and TBH I don't expect him too. What happens then if he is then inundated with jobs as he sometimes is, does he say no? We would be worse off with him staying at home.

I think I will leave this thread now as I originally came on for advice and support, not people basically telling me iam irresponsible for wanting to better myself and that of our future.

We will be fine, we always are.

I think you are taking people wanting to help you offensively. Nobody wants to offend you or patronise you, they have just come up with various ideas of how to help ease your situation. You have had a lot of varied ideas from different viewpoints which is invaluable when you are trying to look at options to make a situation easier.

I personally have had to take a year out of my post graduate training to have my (surprise) first child. I argued and argued that I could give birth in January and be back the week after on 30 hour weeks with extra independant learning on the side, pmsl! Now, looking at it from the other side, I know that I was being stubborn as I wanted to get it done asap just in case I ''never had the chance again''. The undergraduate degree was a lot of work, a hell of a lot.

I worry about the time you will have to do all the extra work you have to do on a degree programme. This is simply because there is enough to do when you have no children, let alone one or four and outside difficulties such as childcare (I am scared! lol). I am very lucky in that my partner is prepared to stay and look after our child when I go back next september so childcare will be sorted and free so I will have the time I need to do all my hours and do my extra work to the best of my abilities, not just getting it done by the time it needs to be in. Luckily my degree was ''book'' based so I was not tired from being up on my feet too, I just walked from seat to seat in lectures, lol.

People genuinely do want to help you, nobody wants to annoy you, patronise you or make you feel like you should not do something. Just think about how it may be made much easier for you to achieve everything if you start off with sorted childcare and stable finance for the length of the course. You do not want money worries that may stop you buying dozens of overpriced books or even take your mind off the workload. Single people with no children drop out because of money worries, you do not want to start and have to drop out mid way or miss days due to an ill child. Can you call somebody at the university for a chat? I went to see the head of my course who categorically told me no, you will not achieve your potential this year, come back next year. I did not listen to anybody else as nobody else understood the ''demands'' of ''my'' course and how it had to be done NOW, lol. It was the best decision of my life to put the post grad off for a year (and that is not just so I can sit and eat cake, lol).

You really need to be thinking who will be caring for your children after Christmas though, and for the 1.5 years beyond. If your OH cannot, who can? The au pair is for 3 months so is not a long term solution and you simply just do not want any stress when you are up at 2am trying to work.

I wish anyone all the best who wants to improve their career prospects and their education, especially when they have extra demands be that their own health or children.