Break up....working it out...

Minimum_Wage_2

Hi karen,
i have been reading your lovely story (dont mean it in a bad way) and i find myself hoping along side you that things will get better for you. some of the things that have been said i have been feeling for you to a point where i have had a few tears, whether its to do with what i wanted so much or whether it was what you were saying i dont know. all the things are there for you and i know that it feels like you are walking through a mine field if you push it too far.

i have only just split up from my GF and that i seen signs that we were falling apart only that what i done wrong was to fight and try and make it work. only with me pushing so hard and her not doing anything, not even talking about it only pushed her further away. She said that she loves me but there wasn't any actions to say the same and that the only words of any affection from her was "i love you" at the end of our calls. I even tried looking for signs in her texts of how she felt but there was no feeling in them, i am trying to put my life back on an even keal and seeing if she will make the first move but im not holding any hope with what things have happened in the past! She is no where near as affectionate as i am and she has never made as much effort as i have done, i can only hope that deep down that she really does love my and put her own stubbornness aside and see that relationships do need working at and that we both need to show each other in texts, in talking and in showing. anyway enough about my sad story!

i have always looked at things long term and i am a good problem solver! you wouldn't think it with not being able to sort my own problems out but then they say it some times happens that way. i have loved reading your story and i reckon that you should write a book as it is so wonderful how things are going your way. but dont let this fool you and things to look at is why it happened and what is it that you are doing so differently now to what was before! From what i have read it seems as though you have brought in adventure to the relationship and that your not just sat at home watching TV or house chours. You need to find out the key to this success and dont let it go again, it is so good that you are both able to talk about your problems and even face the criticism from one another. I will say that you are on the right path.

Keep yourself busy and try not to build your hopes up as sometimes things wont go the way you've planed them but dont let this put you off or knock you down too hard. The idea of him staying a few or couple of nights is a great idea and i have a few idea's that you could have a think about.
1, when your together and your having fun, try ending the night a little early or say that you have to get home. dont push it by asking him to stay as this could have the opposite effect, let him come out with the idea.
2, try ending the night at your place in the hope that he will get tired then you could offer him to stay only that you would offer him the bed but its been cold lately and that you dont think he would like a cold bed.
3, do something that is really exhuasting in the day then offer him a drink at the flat, where you two could just rest and have forty winks together.

i know its hard but try not to bank on him taking up your offers or him saying that he will stay the night (even though he has said he would) try and think of it that he is'nt going to stay no matter what, then it wont be so hard on your heart. There are many other ways of getting him to stay but all for the wrong reasons and you dont want that, i treasure your reasons for this and that you dont want to build it on them. It's hard to want something so bad and yet you working so hard in getting it could have the reverse effect, i can only envy you on your patients and slow steps in waiting so long for this. Maybe if you were to try the reverse effect to get him to do what you want, sort of make it look as if you dont want him to stay so that he will. My heart goes out to you and i find myself wishing you all the best and thanking you for giving us all the up-dates as many of us could do with a happy ending in this day and age.

Minimum_Wage_2

p.s.
sorry to have been yapping on so much.
my heart goes out to you and can only hope that you have your happy ending.

Karen_30

Minimum_Wage wrote: »

p.s.
sorry to have been yapping on so much.
my heart goes out to you and can only hope that you have your happy ending.

You were not yapping at all, it's nice to hear from you. I too wish for a happy ending

I am so sorry to hear that you have split up with your GF - sending you warm hugs. I know how hard it is. I hope that you can work things out and get through it.

I am trying hard to keep positive in all of this, patient as well. Sometimes I find it so hard as all I want is for it to be 'OK' but I know that even if it continues to go so well that it'll take a long time to be 100% there and even then as you said, relationships do require work and I do need to remember what went wrong, why and make sure we never go back to this.

We have both had to accept our faults through this and learn from it - if we continue to do so then there is a fighting chance we'll come out the other side much stronger for it.

Having said that, it is far easier said than done. As you can tell by my earlier post i'm a tad emotional today. Tomorrow I will probably be stronger and feel more in control and see things with my sensible head rather than my heart and emotions.

I've had some really good advice from people on here both via this thread and also PM's - all of which I am truely grateful.

Please continue to pop by and post - it really does help to get things down even if none of it makes any sense

Take good care of yourself,

K xx

Minimum_Wage_2

I feel that my story has already sadly ended and that she has already moved on without giving it a second thought. My ex could never say anything straight, or would always change the subject so's not to answer the question. All i know is that my heart is still beating and that i have loved and lost.

i hope that you will keep us up-dated with your progress and im sure that if you keep smiling then your sun will be shinning on you.
best wishes.