why do you stay?/ would you stay?

Cookhamite

My husband was chatting online to someone he went to school with and SHE said "want some do you?" and HE said "no actually, I want to sleep" (luckily all the messages were still live).
I went ballistic and was serious about throwing him out simply because he'd got into inappropriate conversation with someone when he's married with kids.
So if he slept with someone he'd be out - no second chances. It is all about trust and if that's not there then what is? :rolleyes:

worriedsik

tiamaria wrote: »

I know it's slightly off topic but I used to know a woman whose husband not only cheated on her but abused their own daughter, she forgave him and stayed with him, she wonders why her daughter alienates her:rolleyes:

For as long as I live I can't understand her - if he was my husband he'd be lucky if he was still breathing let alone forgiven:mad:

Now that is just the worst isnt it what a horible indavidual & the woman !! if any man done that to my daughter he wouldnt live & the poor daughter thats the worst betrayel

I think when somebody cheats its the means to an end ...for me anyway because it would always be there i guess it depends on your own personality whether you could forgive
i tried to but things were never the same and i ended it

Gavin83

Cookhamite wrote: »

My husband was chatting online to someone he went to school with and SHE said "want some do you?" and HE said "no actually, I want to sleep" (luckily all the messages were still live).
I went ballistic and was serious about throwing him out simply because he'd got into inappropriate conversation with someone when he's married with kids.
So if he slept with someone he'd be out - no second chances. It is all about trust and if that's not there then what is? :rolleyes:

Either your marriage is really unstable or your really controlling. I really can't see the problem with talking to members of the opposite sex. I think your trolling and looking for a reaction though so Im not gonna carry on.

I doubt I could forgive someone for cheating, it would play on my mind too much and frankly I wouldn't want to be with someone who was willing to do that to me. However, it depends on what your definition of cheating is. I don't consider a bit of light flirting cheating, and I really struggle to see why someone would end a relationship when no physical contact has taken place. If this is reason to end a relationship it clearly wasn't good anyway. I can accept why someone would want to end it based on a kiss, but personally I probably wouldn't. Sex is my boundary.

Cookhamite

[Either your marriage is really unstable or your really controlling. I really can't see the problem with talking to members of the opposite sex. I think your trolling and looking for a reaction though so Im not gonna carry on.

I doubt I could forgive someone for cheating, it would play on my mind too much and frankly I wouldn't want to be with someone who was willing to do that to me. However, it depends on what your definition of cheating is. I don't consider a bit of light flirting cheating, and I really struggle to see why someone would end a relationship when no physical contact has taken place. If this is reason to end a relationship it clearly wasn't good anyway. I can accept why someone would want to end it based on a kiss, but personally I probably wouldn't. Sex is my boundary.]

Wow. Maybe if I'd said it was at 3am it may have come over differently?
And that's not talking, that is definitely inappropriate flirting - and yes, I was angry with her too, she knows he's married.
Been married 10 years so it can't be that bad for him, eh?
And we all have different boundaries, I think it would be far too easy to go from a kiss to sex.
Anyway.
Off to put him back under the thumb...

seven-day-weekend

If you love someone and in a long and otherwise happy relationship, and their affair is a one-off aberration, for which they are genuinely sorry, then imho there should be forgiveness.

I agree that this is not easy and that it can take years for the trust to be rebuilt, but if both partners want it to happen then it will.

System

Gavin83 wrote: »

Either your marriage is really unstable or your really controlling. I really can't see the problem with talking to members of the opposite sex. I think your trolling and looking for a reaction though so Im not gonna carry on.

I doubt I could forgive someone for cheating, it would play on my mind too much and frankly I wouldn't want to be with someone who was willing to do that to me. However, it depends on what your definition of cheating is. I don't consider a bit of light flirting cheating, and I really struggle to see why someone would end a relationship when no physical contact has taken place. If this is reason to end a relationship it clearly wasn't good anyway. I can accept why someone would want to end it based on a kiss, but personally I probably wouldn't. Sex is my boundary.

Actually i disagree with you. Talking to someone inappropriatly is not on. Say it wasn't online, but instead your OH and some women you don't know were stood in front of you flirting and talking about innapropriate sexual stuff. You can't say that wouldn't bother you? Its no different if that convosation is online (and behind your back)

1sttimer_2

Been there - OH cheated on me on line (so behind my back) for 3-4 months. They met, but no sex involved. He said he had problems with our marriage/sex life and I, stupid person I was, believed him when he blamed me!!!!

I eventually forgave him though as his arguments did have some valid points. We talked it through and 5 years on we're still together and although I have forgiven him, I could never forget - I think he has though!

He's a chatty guy to all the ladies (although he says he's shy!) and they like it and give it back. And although there is some inuendo involved I don't think it will go any further - if it did - then this time there would be no comeback.

BTW we'd been married for 28 years and 2 grown up children when it happened - so it wasn't a case of young lust (perhaps middle age lust!)

Gavin83

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Actually i disagree with you. Talking to someone inappropriatly is not on. Say it wasn't online, but instead your OH and some women you don't know were stood in front of you flirting and talking about innapropriate sexual stuff. You can't say that wouldn't bother you? Its no different if that convosation is online (and behind your back)

But thats not what she said. She said he spoke to her, she offered him sex and he refused. At no point did she say their discussions were of a sexual nature. I took it to mean she was angry that he had spoken to her at all.

If he was flirting heavily it's a different issue entirely.

Minimum_Wage_2

this sort of thing happens all the time and it doesn't matter what age you are it will still happen, Whether it is due to them thinking that they loved someone when it wasn't or the relationship had gone down hill due to taking each other for granted. I used to do it when i was much younger and didnt think twice about it, but then you never do. I settled down with someone and it was going good for a few years but then we started taking each other for granted, so i started to stray but it didnt work and then the bombshell! the table turned and i found out she was having a full blown affair with someone else! it was then that i really felt what it was like to be on the receiving end of what i'd given. A year after that and after a few more times of her having affairs, we split and went separate ways. Since then i have made a promise to myself never to do it again.

I tip my hat to all the ones that have walked away from relationships that have gone wrong as they had to be brave to make them choices and get out of it.
I also tip my hat to the people that have been through it and stayed with them and made it through to be much stronger. Its the people that have stuck with it even though its still been going on that i feel sorry for as they are the ones that will go on suffering when the OH thinks they have full control over the other person. No one controls anyone, NO one is higher or more important than another! It is us that chose to be with a person and its us that should show that by giving love all the time, to stand by the other in times of difficulty and help them through it. If we find ourselves in a relationship with problems then stand and face them, sort them out and come to a mutual agreement where both parties are happy with. We are all adults and we should be able to sort problems out the problems, also if the OH has a problem then to be patient, understanding, listen and try to sort them out so that they can see how much they mean to you.