why do you stay?/ would you stay?

pantsdr

I dont understand when people say 'Oh there must have been something wrong in your marriage for your other half to stray' like its some sort of excuse???

Often the person being cheated on (ala moi) doesnt know there is something 'wrong' in the marriage until the cheater has been found out.

You owe it to the person your with to be honest and communicate any difficulties before moving on.

I got rid, the same day. No excuse, No going back. Ancient history.

Jo_F

My ex husband knew exactly what the problem was with our marriage, he knew that I couldn't take his drinking any more, he knew that I was sick of doing it all on my own as he was generally too drunk to do anything, and he also thought that he didn't have to do anything about it, he thought that I would never have the balls to finally put a stop to his mental abuse of me, he did actually think that he had me where he wanted me.

I did find someone that would give me what I needed, and right up to the day I eventually walked out, he knew what was going on, and he still thought he could control me.

He did diddly squat to try and sort the problems out, so yes there was something very rotten with our marriage, and I wasn't looking for an excuse, he gave me every reason to look for what I wanted and needed elsewhere.

pantsdr

Jo_F wrote: »

I did find someone that would give me what I needed, and right up to the day I eventually walked out, he knew what was going on, and he still thought he could control me.

He did diddly squat to try and sort the problems out, so yes there was something very rotten with our marriage, and I wasn't looking for an excuse, he gave me every reason to look for what I wanted and needed elsewhere.

Dont you think you should have walked out before you got involved with another man? Do you think your new partner welcomed your emotional turmoil so early on in your relationship?

ymakesmile

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

I've noticed over the last few weeks there have been a lot of post about partner's cheating.

My own personal opinion on cheating is a) I wouldn't do and b) if my partner cheated once, i would leave without a fight or an explanation. I think it is the ultimate betrayal and any trust, respect and love would go.

I saw my own mother's life wrecked after my dad cheated on her through almost 30 years of marriage. He had a child with another woman in the first year of marriage but she stuck with him, he disappeared for weeks on end and she stuck with him. She left him finally when he had a another child with another woman (who posted the birth certificate and DNA test through her her letterbox at work:rolleyes:).

Ten years on, my mother is a shadow of her former self and she let a man do this to her. Its devastating.

So sorry if this is harsh but I cannot understand people who stay with their OH's if they cheat. If they do it once, they'll do it again. That's just my opinion. A kiss or sex, its cheating. Texting and having intimate conversations is cheating too (to me!)

So, would you stay with someone who cheated? If it has ahappened to you, why did you stay?

x

I have to say I have thought this many times too when I have read other peoples posts. There is just no excuse for cheating in my books. If you don't love your partner enough to be faithful to them then you should do the decent thing and get out of a relationship before you do something you shouldn't.

sarymclary

I have never cheated, and have never been cheated on.

However, I have ended a marriage because my ex would not work with me to sort out the problems in our relationship, and address addiction issues he had. I had 4 children, relied upon my ex totally for financial support, but that still wasn't enough to keep me with him. He, on the other hand, thought it would, so felt no need to make any changes, because he felt he held all the aces, and I was crippled by the circumstances of his control, to the extent that i would stay. I didn't, and he never paid another penny towards our children from the day I asked for a separation.

I live with my BF now, with my 4 children, and he has been cheated on before, and then went on to have affairs himself during a destructive long-term relationship. However, when we met we bared our soles to one another. There were distinct differences we wanted for a future relationship, and we have worked really hard to achieve that. I know to betray my BF would destroy him. It has taken years for him to relax more about being able to truly trust. I have made it clear that if he ever strays I will cut his bits off, and set fire to whoever he did the dirty with - having a slight psycho trait probably helps.

I believe in loving 100%, and that has to also mean 100% trust.

dogcat_2

If I found out my OH was/had cheated on me...it would be over in a flash....and I've been with him 14 years. I would have no qualms about that at all, It would be a sad day indeed, but if he could do that then he couldn't have any respect for me or DD. I have never cheated on anyone...my motto is treat someone how you would like to be treated yourself.

miamoo

I could never forgive a cheating partner. My ex cheated on me after we had been together 7 years and had 2 children, I had no idea and really loved him so I was heartbroken, but whats the point in being with someone if the trust is gone. Why should I have to 'work' at trusting him when he is the selfish one. I could never settle for second best, I want someone who is faithful to me.

Jo_F

pantsdr wrote: »

Dont you think you should have walked out before you got involved with another man? Do you think your new partner welcomed your emotional turmoil so early on in your relationship?

I didn't actually set out to get involved with someone else, I always thought that I was stuck with the way things were, after turning up at work one night in tears, one of my work mates was concerned about me, during the break times we talked and he was just a friend

As it happened it went both ways as his parents were going through a messy split at the time, so we just kind of bounced our problems off each other. He gave me the strength to do what needed to be done, without him I think that I wouldn't have been able to do it.

If he hadn't offered me and the kids somewhere to go, then I wouldn't have been able to leave as my husband had made it clear that he wasn't going anywhere.

I didn't cheat on my husband, you can't cheat on someone when the relationship is dead and buried, we just happened to share the same house, that was as far as it went.

Good2go_2

andru ...where has your thread gone ??

tiamaria

I noticed its gone too - strange that!