Problem with PWC - long one, sorry!

Paparika

OP sorry your having such a bad time with the x.

we are not all that bad, in fact i had similar but from my x husband, wanted to check my bed at 4 am because he wanted to make sure i had no man in the house, and wanted to see our DS.

i was quite relieved when he finally started to settle down and get his own life.

re your x problem, i doubt that she recorded the conversation, even if she did, it's going to have her on there kicking off... so you may of kicked off too, I'm not surprised, she jumps over a fence she isn't even allowed on your property yet she broke that rule (if it was an injunction you had, ring the police) where were the other little ones whilst she was doing this.....

Your priority was and always be the SD, just concentrate on her, write a diary... so if an when her empty threats come to something you can produce this, with copies of bank statements showing regular maintenance payments etc.

Sorry to say, sometimes x's can be bitter and twisted, they don't really want their x partner, nor do they want to see them with anyone else, they just want to be nasty because their relationship didn't work. you will always be her enemy...

one day she will give up, but it could take time, if she threatens removal of access, don't reply, if she says horrible things to you again don't reply, if she doesn't get a response, her game then becomes boring.


good luck

maggied_2

Thanks Paprika.
I know all PWCs aren't bad - plenty of my friends are PWCs and they're alright! I don't have an injunction out against her but I would like one! Haven't phoned the police yet - will wait for my head to cool and think about it later today.

She left the two children on the pavement outside our gates - it's quite a busy road so totally irresponsible. Luckily my OH was still there (he was actually trying to leave for work).

You've hit the nail on the head with her - she doesnt really want OH back (and he gave her enough chances....was even going to take on the child she had while they were apart for a few years....till he found out she was still sleeping with the father!!!) but she definitely doesn't want me to have him! She sees me as the source of all her problems (ie that OH isn't at her beck and call anymore and that despite her very best attempts she hasn't managed to split us up).

Thing is I've held my tongue for all this time - I've never gone toe to toe with her before so I'm not really sure the 'ignore' approach is going to work. OH ignores her as well but she is pretty persistent! I'd be knackered if I put so much energy into being such an awful person - given that she's done this with her DS's father too I'm surprised she has any time left in the day!!

Her and OH split properly about 6-7 years ago - how much longer do we have to wait for her to get bored?

KiWi13

maggied wrote: »

Hi


She also had her 4yo son and another young child with her.

She climbed over our wall, came up to the front door which I then had to stand against while she banged on it shouting abuse at me (all of which SD could hear) - about how my OH has been f*****g her behind my back etc etc and demanding to be let into the house. Once SD was ready I sent her out of the house and X took her to school.

Hi maggied im sorry for what you are going through and I don't really have any advice i'm afraid. once thing that stands out though is she clearly has no regard for her own children and the other child she was looking after.

I would be afraid that she would act out at other times when the children are with her. I can't imagine leaving 2 young children of approx 4 years old alone on the pavement while i scaled a wall to go and shout obscenities through a door while banging on it.
never mind the fact that her daughter is stuck in the middle and listening to all of this.
Has she ever spoken before of how she feels as i can't imagine it could be too good.

hugs to you all and I do hope something can be done. for the sake of both you, your OH and the children involved.
K

maggied_2

Kiwi - we don't allow X to our house for pretty much this reason - SD doesn't see much drama at our house - I don't even get irate when I'm in the car with her! She's seen the very odd cross word between me and OH so it isn't something she's spoken much about.

She says the odd thing about stuff that happens at her mum's - mainly involving the latest bloke (that's a whole other story but let's just say she doesn't see the need to get to know them before they're appearing in her children's lives - Christmas Day, being dropped off at grandparents - without the GP knowing who the bloke was!, being collected from ours by one when she'd just come back from a week away with him and didn't even come to collect her herself....). I've never been concerned about her safety as such but I think she sees and hears too much grown up stuff for her little ears and eyes

Will have a chat to OH tonight and see if we can sort something out.

He doesn't really help himself either sometimes.....we agreed ages ago that he wasn't to go into her house so she couldn't keep throwing that back but he has been doing. Also when she's not being a nutter (we do have the odd quiet patch) he goes back to being friendly which she seems to interpret as a mark of his undying love for her.

We've been TTC lately since losing one in April but I don't see how I could bring a child into this situation. she clearly doesn't mind exposing hers to anything, and frankly that's her lookout (it's not but you know what I mean) but if she'd done that in front of a child of mine the other morning I swear I'd have ripped her head off.

maggied_2

I wouldn't *actually* rip her head off btw!

maggied_2

Hi All

Just thought I'd give a bit of an update.

SD seems to have had a great time on her school trip and has been fine this weekend give or take a bit of whingeing.

OH's mum called X to ask her what was going on. She flatly denied any of what happened and actually told her that when my OH was leaving her house the other night HE had said to HER "I'm only doing this because I'm still in love with you"...there is a slight cause for concern there over her state of mind!

X's mother (who my OH gets on with very well) then got in touch saying she wasn't happy with what had happened - clearly X had made out that it was all my fault. OH went round to see her and explain what had actually happened. It's now been agreed that contact and access will all be done via X's mother to avoid any further nastiness.

I've spoken to the police who advised that I should have called them the morning it all happened - she would have been arrested for breach of the peace. I still don't think that would have helped but I now know my position and will do so if she turns up here again. Apparently as long as you ask the person to leave and say you're going to phone the police then you're within your rights to ask for assistance.

However she could have been right in demanding to see her daughter (legally that is!) as OH doesn't currently have PR. Therefore he is going to find a solicitor this week and go for PR and then a contact order, so many thanks to those who have offered that advice.
The police advised this was the best route to take and that they support the court's decisions. They also said that X could not get an injunction out against me unless she could prove that SD was at risk. She would be closely questioned about that allegation as nothing in our circumstances have changed. She also doesn't seem to realise that SS would get involved at that stage - to whom she is already 'known' if the info I was told is correct (still getting used to living in a small village!!).

So thanks all so much for your support and constructive advice - I know that getting the contact order isn't necessarily the answer to everything but at least it will take some of the power from the X and stop her using her daughter to get at my OH.

C xxxx

lynzpower

She also doesn't seem to realise that SS would get involved at that stage - to whom she is already 'known' if the info I was told is correct (still getting used to living in a small village!!).

Of course, I forgot this!

She should really watch how she behaves, or the authorities will be rightly concerned.

Seems like you are going about things the wrong way.

Keep us posted x

maggied_2

Thanks LP.

I've apologised to SD today for losing my rag and for her seeing the shouting that went on - tried to keep it simple and factual without badmouthing her mum. Ain't step parenting grand! Actually it is but also bloody scary!!!!

So....if I'm allowed to ask on here does anyone know a decent family solicitor in the West Yorkshire area (Wakefield, Barnsley or Hudds would be ideal). We'll go through the Yellow Pages but if anyone knows of one they could recommend I'd appreciate it.

C xxx

13Kent

Good Luck!

onetomany

not sure if anyone knows but i think the law has changed you didnt have to been married now to have pr rights , hope you get it sorted op