Problem with PWC - long one, sorry!

maggied_2

Hi

I was wondering if anyone had experience of this kind of situation.
My OH had an 8 yo DD to his ex. She's generally a bit of a nightmare anyway stemming from the fact she is still in love with OH (we've been together nearly 4 years) and is always trying to use his DD to get to him. When things aren't going her way she threatens to withdraw access etc etc.

Anyway there was some trouble last night regarding SD going on a school trip. Because X couldn't get hold of my OH (he'd gone to bed early not feeling too well the night before) she was sent down to ours last night with no stuff for the trip at all (3 day overnight trip) OH went up to X's house (she only lives about a mile away) to get some, was told he couldn't have any (in frony of SD) so we cobbled together enough from what we had and OH had to go out and buy what we didn't have.

X decided that she urgently wanted to speak to SD, SD didn't want to speak to her, so this morning OH received several texts saying X was coming to our house. She isn't allowed here becase of things that have happened in the past so OH told her not to but she wouldn't pick up the phone when SD tried to call her.

She turned up at the gates as OH was leaving for work - he'd already locked them in case she did this (they're about 7ft high) so they had a barny there with her kicking off and demanding to come into the house. I came out and told her she wouldn't be (and a few other things I admit) and went back up to the house. She also had her 4yo son and another young child with her.

She climbed over our wall, came up to the front door which I then had to stand against while she banged on it shouting abuse at me (all of which SD could hear) - about how my OH has been f*****g her behind my back etc etc and demanding to be let into the house. Once SD was ready I sent her out of the house and X took her to school.

At the gates she had threatened to stop PH seeing his DD and said she was going to see a solicitor about taking out an injunction so he couldn't. She's now saying that she has an appointment next week in order to take out an injunction against me seeing SD.

I might add she's always had OH over a barrel on this; she's threatened it many times even though he does everything right; pays his maintenance, always has her on the arranged nights, takes her to her swimming lessons every week etc. He and I never bad mouth X to SD even though she thinks nothing of doing the same.
Her basic problem seems to be that she wants OH back and hates the fact that we're making a life together.

Last night after OH had put DD back in the car he went back to her house and basically said "I can't stand you, can't wait until DD is 18 and I have to have nothing to do with you" and her reply was "I know you're only doing this because you're still in love with me".

So I need to know - can she do this? What's the best way to proceed?

I just feel so sorry for SD - she was so upset this morning.

Sarahlou_2

Sorry I've not much advice, but she sounds terrible. Do you think getting the police involved regarding the abuse would make things worse?

maggied_2

I have considered lodging a complaiint with the local police station but I don't know what the consequences would be. I think climbing over my gates and demanding to be let in while she shouts at me is fairly unreasonable but I really don't know where I stand.

She's very manipulative and knows how to tell a 'poor me' story. She maintains all she wanted to do was see her daughter - she only had to wait a couple of minutes at the gate (like my OH told her to do) but obviously that wasn't good enough.

I'm rattling with anger but also annoyed at myself because I shouldn't have retaliated.

valkirn

I really dont know what to say, but she sounds horrid!!

How old is your sd?? is there no way your oh can go to court and try to get custody of your sd if shes old enough then maybe she could decide for herself where she wants to live x

maggied_2

SD is 8.
OH doesn't want to take her away from her mum. Tbh he's so laid back he thinks it can all be resolved by everyone just being nice to each other but that's clearly not going to happen!

He mentioned calling her bluff and when she threatens to withdraw access just say "fine" - it wouldn't last long as she likes her weekends off (we have her alternate weekends and once during the week) and it would make her realise she doesn't hold the trump card. Thing is she basically does doesn't she?

lynzpower

Have you ever had any contact with http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

Last night after OH had put DD back in the car he went back to her house and basically said "I can't stand you, can't wait until DD is 18 and I have to have nothing to do with you" and her reply was "I know you're only doing this because you're still in love with me".

.

This comment you made really struck me.

Is it possible that your husband's ex has mental health issues?

Is he the kind of man who would be able to 'go all the way' with regards to access such as going through court or even suing for access himself?

Unfortunately if the ex does have mental health issues then the stark choice is either ignoring her and putting up with it - or having to go all the way as her reality will be different from yours.

Sou

lynzpower

He mentioned calling her bluff and when she threatens to withdraw access just say "fine" - it wouldn't last long as she likes her weekends off (we have her alternate weekends and once during the week) and it would make her realise she doesn't hold the trump card. Thing is she basically does doesn't she?

I really dont recommend this, in case DD finds out this is a tool being used. She is only 8 so wont understand the nuances, only that her daddy and OH dont want to see her anymore as Mummy is nasty.

I just cant see how she could feel secure in this, and I dont think two wrongs make a right so dont stoop to this level.

chriszzz

HI maggied,

Sorry to hear about your problems, this is so common but our country fail to come down hard on exes who behave this way.

I can sympathise with what you are all going through. We have had similar problems with my OH ex.

This behaviour is non acceptable and I dont know how these exes get away with it, It just breeds contemp for everyone.

I think you best go see solicitor and explain all thats going on, make notes of times dates and whats been said.

This has got to be in the childs best interest and the mother as I can see is failing her daughter, I dont know why this isint seen as abuse because thats what it is!!

Nip it in the bud now because this can easily grow bigger and if the ex wants to stop access, she will and it will be months before contact is re-established, and in the meantime there is a child who will be suffering emotionally . :mad:

maggied_2

Soubrette - can't decide whether she has mental health issues or is just a nasty, manipulative witch. I think it's the latter.

I'm so tired of her - can't believe this is going to go on for another 10 years....

looktothefuture

My advice, coming from the partner of a man with a child by another woman is... don't rise to her accusations and pathetic behaviour!

Your partner can get a contact order which is set by the court and she cannot stop contact with the child father, nor can she stop you, the partner from seeing the child.