Problem with PWC - long one, sorry!

maggied_2

Hi Zara

Yes I think a contact order is the way to go. OH seems very reluctant to take any action over this has asked me not to call the police as it will "make things worse" - I can't help but feel there's something he's not telling me.

Feel so upset and angry - I want to get in my car and get as far away as possible from here

galvanizersbaby

maggied wrote: »

Morning all. After a rubbish night's sleep (!) I've decided I am going to inform the police.
It's going to cause one almightly s**t storm but have decided I will not be intimidated by her in my own house.

By the way - never really got an answer, just wondering if anyone knew if it would be possible for her to get an injunction out against me to stop me seeing SD. I know she's only doing it because she thinks it would split us up because it'll force OH to choose between me and his DD.

Morning maggied

Sorry to hear your having such a rubbish time of it - this woman sounds like a real nightmare.:(
I'm pretty sure that SD's mother can't just get an injunction out against you with no valid reason.

I haven't got any experience of this sort of thing but if I were in your shoes I think I would seek proper legal advice at this point in case things get worse (which by the sounds of things they may well do)
If your OH has not got PR and plans to apply for it - if the mother will not co-operate it sounds as though you are going to have a battle on your hands.
Also are you and OH married - i.e. are you SD's stepmother? - not sure if this makes a difference or not?

Strikes me that without PR OH is in a difficult position legality wise especially if the mother wants to make life difficult - I would see a solicitor

galvanizersbaby

maggied wrote: »

Hi Zara

Yes I think a contact order is the way to go. OH seems very reluctant to take any action over this has asked me not to call the police as it will "make things worse" - I can't help but feel there's something he's not telling me.

Feel so upset and angry - I want to get in my car and get as far away as possible from here

OH really needs to see a solicitor so he can apply for PR to get the contact order - any idea why he is reluctant?
Just reading back through your posts and sounds like SD's mother has always been like this - I think sooner or later things are going to get worse.

I think before you involve police you should see a solicitor - it's too important in the long run not to I reckon.
I'm fairly sure that having PR for a child makes a big difference in the eyes of the law - you want to do it right and properly (sounds like SD's mother certainly isn't going to play by the rules) and as you say earlier on in the thread she appears to be holding all the cards

maggied_2

Hi GB - no we're not married.

Please someone tell me where to find the strength for this! I'm usually a pretty strong person but I think she's finally broken me. I've had a really crap year as it is (lost our first baby in April which I haven't completely recovered from) and this is just piling it on......feel like I just want to leave - she'll have 'won' but at least I won't be feeling like this. I barely slept last night and haven't eaten since yesterday morning.

Apologies for feeling sorry for myself.....OH isn't being much good - he went out to watch the match last night - was supposed to be coming back after it finished so we could talk and he rolled in at 1.30 steaming drunk.

Am rolling over and over in my mind whether it's true about him sleeping with her (this is far from the first time she's made such an allegation) and if that's why he's so reluctant to upset her......I know in my logical place (not sure where that's gone!) that she's lying. She's done it before and apparently she's done to break up OH's relationships before but once the doubt's there......ugh I don't know. Help!

Zara33

maggied wrote: »

Hi Zara

Yes I think a contact order is the way to go. OH seems very reluctant to take any action over this has asked me not to call the police as it will "make things worse" - I can't help but feel there's something he's not telling me.

Feel so upset and angry - I want to get in my car and get as far away as possible from here

There may not be anything else going on, don't let this woman play mind games with you! Sometimes it is easier not to rock the boat so to speak.

galvanizersbaby

maggied wrote: »

Hi GB - no we're not married.

Please someone tell me where to find the strength for this! I'm usually a pretty strong person but I think she's finally broken me. I've had a really crap year as it is (lost our first baby in April which I haven't completely recovered from) and this is just piling it on......feel like I just want to leave - she'll have 'won' but at least I won't be feeling like this. I barely slept last night and haven't eaten since yesterday morning.

Apologies for feeling sorry for myself.....OH isn't being much good - he went out to watch the match last night - was supposed to be coming back after it finished so we could talk and he rolled in at 1.30 steaming drunk.

Am rolling over and over in my mind whether it's true about him sleeping with her (this is far from the first time she's made such an allegation) and if that's why he's so reluctant to upset her......I know in my logical place (not sure where that's gone!) that she's lying. She's done it before and apparently she's done to break up OH's relationships before but once the doubt's there......ugh I don't know. Help!

Sounds like you need a big hug x (but I can't find the huggy icon so will send a kiss instead)

I think taking the ex aside - how does your OH feel about all this? - is must be as upsetting for him as it is for you (I know men and women react to this sort of stuff differently)

Could you sit down and have a good chat about together tonight?
(Just realised it was the England game last night:rolleyes:)

I think his reluctance to actually do anything about the situ with his DD needs to be addressed but it is him that is going to have to get his act together re obtaining PR etc...

Him sticking his head in the sand (for whatever reason trying not to upset etc...) needs to stop really - he can't keep putting you through this rubbish with his ex

lynzpower

Am rolling over and over in my mind whether it's true about him sleeping with her (this is far from the first time she's made such an allegation) and if that's why he's so reluctant to upset her......I know in my logical place (not sure where that's gone!) that she's lying. She's done it before and apparently she's done to break up OH's relationships before but once the doubt's there......ugh I don't know. Help!

this is what you need an answer to. If there is any doubt....you need to get it resolved.
xxx

maggied_2

I know LP - we've had this before - her making exactly the same allegations and each time he gets very exasperated, he's sworn on DD's life (bit dramatic I know ha!) that he hasn't so much as touched her since we got together and usually I wouldn't let the little cow weedle her way into my head like this but am suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

GB - yes OH is annoyed but he seems to have developed a way of shrugging off her antics - I suppose he's been putting up with it a lot longer than I have.
He is incredibly reluctant to go down the legal route but I can't see another way around it - he said he was going to go round to talk to her but I don't see how a conversation is going to put a stop to all this. At least if he had the contact order it would break this cycle of emotions boiling up and coming to a head like this with her threatening to withdraw access and him ending up kow towing to her because he is the one that actually realises how damaging it would be to not see his DD.

He gets defensive when we try to talk about this stuff because he sees it as me getting at him in some way - tried to point out that if one of my exes had scaled our wall to bang down our front door whilst screaming that he'd been f*****g me he'd be pretty p*ssed off too.

looktothefuture

maggied, just dropping in to give you a hug!
From personal and very recent experience with my DH's ex, don't let this woman make you feel like a lesser person! My BM has destroyed my life (honestly) recently and I'm working so flippin hard to keep my emotions and my strength under control! Do not give her that power!

My DH doesn't have PR either and is also very reluctant to go down the legal route when his ex gets nasty but the more I work in the DCSF, the more contact I come into with CAFCASS officials and the more I feel the need that a contact order and PR would be so beneficial to our relationship with his son!

carolan78

No advice but I wanted to give you hugs, maybe show your OH the fathers for justice website and show him just how much control his ex has. Remind him it isn't him she is ultimately playing with but his DD and that is the person that will emotionaly and mentally suffer from him trying to constantly keep the peace.