Cross with in laws - how to approach?

Happy_Girl_2

I have a concern over the baby gate that has been suggested as it is another 'door' which could be left open surely?

I don't have kids, so forgive me butting in, but unless you can gates which have spring loaded hinges so they shut automatically, I can't see how a gate will be any better than a door?

amilotte

I am probably what some would call over cautious (can always see the danger is things lol) but the whole dog issue would really concern me too. Animals are unpredicatable and for that reason I just wouldn't be able to relax with my baby in that environment, You only have to watch the news about children being attacked by dogs and hear the 'but they have never done anything like this before'.

Thats only my opinin though, I guess its how comfortable you feel with leaving them after the issues you have raised. You may get away but will it be worth it if you are not truly relaxed.......

mrscb

tandraig wrote: »

why should roxiew lie about the baby having allergy - that could rebound on her big-time! she is thinking about her kids safety so dont have a go at her!!! she is trying to sort things out amicably and is taking in-laws views into consideration. she is also entitled to a break and if in-laws offered to have the kids and the kids are happy there then she is also entitled to let inlaws babysit. its just the safety issue needs sorting out. which i have no doubt roxiew will do without anyone getting upset! which is why she asked for help!
btw roxiew until i saw your post about them turning up in leathers i was picturing inlaws as Daisy and Onslow from keeping up appearances. lol dont worry you werent cast as Hyacinth!!

I wasnt having a go!!!! :rolleyes:
I posted earlier saying it needs to be talked about but neither roxie or OH feel able to tell them the truth without upsetting them (which is that they dont think the kids will be safe enough).so it may be easier for a white lie to keep the peace.

Hardup_Hester

I'm a grandma & though I don't have dogs, my attitude is that if I'm expected to look after the grandchildren then I do it on my terms, I'm afraid it's like it or lump it. I don't consider that I take risks with my grandkids, but other people probably would think I did. I also take the attitute that my 4 kids survived my mothering abilities & so I assume my grandkids would too.
When my kids were younger I wouldn't leave them where I didn't think they were safe.
Hester

red_devil

I really agree with the fact that if you arent happy dont go away. You wouldnt be able to relax and enjoy the weekend anyway!

You can look after your children best!

Katie-Kat-Kins

Hardup_Hester wrote: »

I'm a grandma & though I don't have dogs, my attitude is that if I'm expected to look after the grandchildren then I do it on my terms, I'm afraid it's like it or lump it. I don't consider that I take risks with my grandkids, but other people probably would think I did. I also take the attitute that my 4 kids survived my mothering abilities & so I assume my grandkids would too.
When my kids were younger I wouldn't leave them where I didn't think they were safe.
Hester

The different standards are a big a part of spending time with grandparents, my mum was horrified when she discovered my grandmother had been allowing me to eat sugary biscuits in bed after brushing my teeth. She didn't find out until I mentioned it as a favourite memory of my granny several years after her death. But lo and behold, I caught her letting her grandson have toffee popcorn in bed after brushing his teeth the other day! (I haven't dobbed her in to his mum!)

My dad has been spotted taking his grandson down the road perched on the cross bar of his bicycle too, neither of them in helmets, grandson thought it was amazing! No harm done, but many would be horrified.

They love their grandchildren and are probably more careful with them than they were with their own children but don't see the harm in a fun treat or doing something that was considered ok in their day. If they are generally ok I'd be inclined to let it go you have told them once that it isn't appropriate, they will more than likely heed your warnings and use their judgement.

tandraig

Im sorry mrscb if you thought i meant you in particular..........apologies. i was referring to the tone of some of the posts in general! I do see your point about a white lie - have done it myself sometimes just to avoid unpleasantness. but if OPs then go on to have a dog or furry pet themselves you can bet that the in-laws would remember claim of baby allergic - wouldnt they?

sarahs999

Hardup_Hester wrote: »

I'm a grandma & though I don't have dogs, my attitude is that if I'm expected to look after the grandchildren then I do it on my terms, I'm afraid it's like it or lump it. I don't consider that I take risks with my grandkids, but other people probably would think I did. I also take the attitute that my 4 kids survived my mothering abilities & so I assume my grandkids would too.
When my kids were younger I wouldn't leave them where I didn't think they were safe.
Hester

The difference is that it's up to you to make mistakes with your own kids, but not other people's. How would you feel if one of the kids was injured while in your care, and you'd been doing something you knew the mother didn't approve of? Awkward doesn't cover it really, does it?

Hardup_Hester

Like I said Sarah, it's like it or lump it, my kids know the sort of things I'm likely to do with their kids, they actually do approve of they way I am with their kids. It is other people who may have other standards. But if they weren't that's up to them, they can always find a different babysitter.
Hester

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

KatP wrote: »

The different standards are a big a part of spending time with grandparents, my mum was horrified when she discovered my grandmother had been allowing me to eat sugary biscuits in bed after brushing my teeth. She didn't find out until I mentioned it as a favourite memory of my granny several years after her death. But lo and behold, I caught her letting her grandson have toffee popcorn in bed after brushing his teeth the other day! (I haven't dobbed her in to his mum!)

My dad has been spotted taking his grandson down the road perched on the cross bar of his bicycle too, neither of them in helmets, grandson thought it was amazing! No harm done, but many would be horrified.

They love their grandchildren and are probably more careful with them than they were with their own children but don't see the harm in a fun treat or doing something that was considered ok in their day. If they are generally ok I'd be inclined to let it go you have told them once that it isn't appropriate, they will more than likely heed your warnings and use their judgement.

I think KatP's post is spot on - grandparents tend to be so extra careful with grandchildren than their own kids, i know i do with my nieces and nephews - i have a 3 yr old and if she falls i tend to tell her to brush it off and be tough (as long as she isn't really hurt) but if it was a niece or nephew i'd be a bit more cautious.

Also i note that you stated the dogs are always shoo'd out if they come in - well i am also assuming that the grandparents don't leave the baby unattended, let alone unattended WITH dogs around. See i have two dogs who are pretty excitable, even though i know they wouldn't harm a soul (unless it was jumping on them in excitement) i still wouldn't EVER leave them unattended with ANY child, not even my own.

The carseat thing though - you certainly do have reason to be concerned and reason to pull them up on it! Please do!!!

Personally regarding the dogs, i think if what i have assumed about them is correct then i think you are overly worried. If i were as concerned as you seem there is no way i'd leave them with the grandparents as i simply wouldn't relax and would just be dieing to get back. At the same time you have made fair points to stand up for the gandparents which i think gives reason to show you are worrying a little too much! Unfortunately this is the decision to be made

Good luck anyway! x