Cross with in laws - how to approach?

RoxieW

Hi all - hope you are all enjoying the peace as the kids go back to school :j
I'm very annoyed with my inlaws and am looking from some advice - especially from grandparents - how to approach this.
My boys stayed for a few days in the holidays and have recently revealed to me that their grumps took them out in the front seat his van - two boys to one seat/seatbelt - no carseats :mad: They're having money problems so had to sell their car and now just have a 2 seater van. They obv dont think it is a problem to do this as my OH remembers doing it as a child - or sitting on crates in the back :eek:.
I have an ok relationship with them but find them difficult to talk to and feel that they find me a touch difficult and overprotective anyway. The boys are due to stay in December along with my then 9mth old baby who will be staying for the first time. I'm worrying about this stay now. They also have 2 horrible dogs which they do keep in the kitchen but everytime someone opens the lounge door they run in - I'm petrified of my baby being on the floor when one runs in and something horrible happening.
How can I broach this in a non confrontational way. I really dont want any fallings out but it really annoys me as the 2 to 1 seat is obv not ok! We had even left the carseats their incase their auntie took them out in her car so its not like we're even happy about them going without carseats!
I also want to remind her about the dogs - not that she should need reminding - for my own peace of mind but I dont want her to take it the wrong way. I've had a couple of 'I have brought up 4 children you know' comments from her in the past!
I hate being put in the position of being a overprotective daughter in law but this is the position they put me in when they pull silly stunts like this!

amandada

I think it really needs to come from your DH to be honest...and yes it was the "done thing" when your dh was younger, but hey, times change and so does the law.
Not only horrifically dangerous, but just a tad ILLEGAL re the car seats!

I wouldn't know how to deal with the dog issue as it's not something I've had to deal with, but I hope you can get it resolved

mrscb

What does your OH think about it and could he not say something.
It is a difficult position to be in and they could easily turn round and say 'if you dont trust us dont send them'
The sitting in the van like they did is also illegal(they may not realise) but this would be impossible with a baby in a car seat.
When it comes down to it you want your kids to be safe and i am sure they would not do something intentionally but it reallly does have to be talked about otherwise you will be on edge the whole time the kids are there.
Good luck

Bufger

To me it sounds like you're being over protective. We used to do much more dangerous things when i was a kid and 'it never did me any harm' (sorry for any spelling mistakes, i only have 1 eye after a terrible accident as a kid). Anyway..

If you do feel its a life or death situation whatever you do dont fall out with them. Its a minor thing really and if it should come from anyone it should come from your OH. The damage is done now so he should mention it before they stop over again or if they transport your kids around again.

As for the dogs ask them if its ok if they are locked outside whilst the baby is around. I'm sure they're understanding like that, after all they have been parents too!

RoxieW

I've asked my OH to mention it but I dont think he will. He said - 'But they only went down the road' - which is true but then why not just walk! He's been brought up with the 'it'll be alright' attitude to kids safety - although he's be distraught if anything happened which baffles me! Surely just dont take risks in the first place?? He - like his parents - doesnt see the fuss about car seats - they never needed them in his day etc etc. I know we'll get there and he wont say anything and then as we're leaving I'll panic and try to say it in a lighthearted way but actually come across as abit of a snide cow lol.

tandraig

I am a grandparent and was horrified to read what your in-laws had done re van!! I bought car seats and booster seats to keep in boot especially for grandchildren (i have six). its Illegal anyway!!!
your husband should really be the one to speak to them about it tho. on the dog issue - its a tricky one as its their house etc - but i think i would get husband to ask them very nicely to make sure dogs dont get into lounge when kids are there. I would even supply them with a baby gate!!! your hubby could tell them about your fears and tho i am a dog lover i love my grandkids more and would be afraid that visits would cease .

RoxieW

They wont lock the dogs outside - they are his pride and joy but I'm really not a dog person and would feel much better if the little critters weren't there. These arent soft, placid dogs either - he takes them hunting for rabbits and they ripped apart the family pets when they jumped the gate in the yard. They're meant to be shut in the kitchen but with my boys wandering in and out the door doesnt always stay shut. I'm forever telling my boys to stay away from the dogs but being kids they love dogs and try to pet them. They've always worried me but with the baby it;s even worse. I just want to gently 'remind' her for my own peace of mind without seeming like I'm telling her off or anything.

tandraig

you posted as i was writing previous post so understand situation bit more. ok - if hubby wont say anything you have to. i wouldnt approach it in light-hearted way as you were leaving. i would bring it up while having cuppa or chat. on the car seat issue. be concerned they would get done for breaking the law!!!! on the dog issue - i dont know where you are from but there have been cases on news about dogs attacking kids - bring that up and say as they are concerned enough to keep dogs in kitchen while kids are there could you supply them with baby gate - then everyone be able to relax? you know them best of course - but this way you shouldnt really cause any offence.

RoxieW

tandraig wrote: »

I am a grandparent and was horrified to read what your in-laws had done re van!! I bought car seats and booster seats to keep in boot especially for grandchildren (i have six). its Illegal anyway!!!
your husband should really be the one to speak to them about it tho. on the dog issue - its a tricky one as its their house etc - but i think i would get husband to ask them very nicely to make sure dogs dont get into lounge when kids are there. I would even supply them with a baby gate!!! your hubby could tell them about your fears and tho i am a dog lover i love my grandkids more and would be afraid that visits would cease .

Thank you so much a baby gate is a fantastic suggestion. Baby will be crawling by then so I could take 2 up under this guise possibly? Although they may just say 'well the door will be shut' as its not as if he can open the door. Though I could use the boys as an excuse and say they leave doors open etc?? I would have to put them up whilst there though as they'd probably not be put up otherwise. Thank you!

peachyprice

What did they do with the dogs when your boys were babies?

RoxieW

tandraig wrote: »

you posted as i was writing previous post so understand situation bit more. ok - if hubby wont say anything you have to. i wouldnt approach it in light-hearted way as you were leaving. i would bring it up while having cuppa or chat. on the car seat issue. be concerned they would get done for breaking the law!!!! on the dog issue - i dont know where you are from but there have been cases on news about dogs attacking kids - bring that up and say as they are concerned enough to keep dogs in kitchen while kids are there could you supply them with baby gate - then everyone be able to relax? you know them best of course - but this way you shouldnt really cause any offence.

The trouble is they're not really the sit and have a serious chat with type people IYSWIM. I fear they'd feel cornered and get defensive. I imagine it to feel quite awkward - or maybe it's just me!