Cross with in laws - how to approach?

RoxieW

peachyprice wrote: »

What did they do with the dogs when your boys were babies?

The same as they do now and no harm came to them. Although they only had one girl dog then, now they have a boy who they are mating her with and they wind each other up. This is their attitude - we did the same with x, y and x and no harm ever came to them but I just think well that doesnt mean that it wont happen - just that it hasnt yet.

tandraig

it doesnt need to be a serious discussion......just work conversation round to issues - perhaps tell them about someone who got fined re car seats and make sure to point out that they were only going to corner shop!!!!!! you dont even have to refer to issue directly - they will prob get the point! later on then - and before you go look to see if any dog attacks being reported on on tinternet - ask if they heard about it - discuss it a bit then follow up with what i suggested earlier. try it this way and if it doesnt work come back and post again - will get thinking cap on or other posters will suggest something!

ceebeeby

RoxieW wrote: »

They wont lock the dogs outside .....These arent soft, placid dogs either - he takes them hunting for rabbits and they ripped apart the family pets when they jumped the gate in the yard.

... And you want to leave your children there

Why don't you ask them to come to your house to babysit for whatever reason it is they're going to Gran and Gramps, and make it clear no dogs allowed.

There is no way in the world I would leave my babies with dogs that you've said yourself you don't like! There's a reason for that - and if the adults are too selfish to protect the children then it's up to you, you're their parents!

As for the car - I think you're probably making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill on this one. Yes it was wrong, yes it was illegal, but ultimately, if you've made your point clear that you don't want it to happen again, you need to let it go at that.

Bennifred

Well, I think you are being tremendously tolerant, lol! I don't think I could bring myself to leave a baby with them under those circumstances - it's too late after the event! (Something awful happening, I mean)

Your OH saying that they only went up the road in the van doesn't help - most road traffic accidents happen within a fairly close distance to home (as well as it being illegal!). Would they carry a Ming vase without proper packaging??

I wouldn't be happy about the aggressive dogs, either -it really is not worth the risk. If you don't feel able to talk to your in-laws about this, I guess turning up with baby-gates which you fit yourself (...doing them a favour so they don't have to worry;)...) would be one way to handle it.

I must say, though, that I wouldn't be !!!!!-footing around when it came to my children's safety. Even if it meant upsetting the in-laws.

peachyprice

RoxieW wrote: »

The same as they do now and no harm came to them. Although they only had one girl dog then, now they have a boy who they are mating her with and they wind each other up. This is their attitude - we did the same with x, y and x and no harm ever came to them but I just think well that doesnt mean that it wont happen - just that it hasnt yet.

That could be a good way of broaching the dog subject actually without it sounding as if it's you being picky. (which I don't think you are, but they might)

You could go along the lines of 'Now you've got the two dogs I'd prefer it if you kept them away from baby, it was fine when the boys were little as there was just the one, but with the two of them they do get each other over excited and we wouldn't want anything to happen to baby would we.'

RoxieW

ceebeeby wrote: »

... And you want to leave your children there

Why don't you ask them to come to your house to babysit for whatever reason it is they're going to Gran and Gramps, and make it clear no dogs allowed.

There is no way in the world I would leave my babies with dogs that you've said yourself you don't like! There's a reason for that - and if the adults are too selfish to protect the children then it's up to you, you're their parents!

As for the car - I think you're probably making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill on this one. Yes it was wrong, yes it was illegal, but ultimately, if you've made your point clear that you don't want it to happen again, you need to let it go at that.

They dont live nearby and OH and I have booked a weekend away for our 10yr anniversary in Dec. I'd really like to enjoy a weekend away as we dont have any family nearby to babysit so dont really go out apart from special occassions like this. I would like to enjoy it without worrying about the kids the whole time though.
To be fair the dogs have never shown any sign of attacking any children (or adults) and inlaws dont let them in the living room and will shoo them out as soon as they see them if they are accidentally let in. I guess I'm just worried about a door being left open, someones back being turned and the worse happening. I think the baby gates is a good idea - in fact i'll say I'll bring baby gates so that one of the boys cant leave the door open and the baby get out or the dogs get in. I suppose the dogs are my worst fear but like I said I'm really not a dog person and am a firm believer that dogs and kids dont mix anyway - whereas they are dog people and they see their dogs behaviour as normal (not sure if it is??) I see it as worrying and aggressive. I know there's a big difference between a baby and a rabbit but still I hate the thought of one of them bounding in there at his face level (they are small dogs).
With the van issue I'll just have to bite the bullet and say can you not take them out in the van pls - I cant really see another way of saying it.
I've had so many family falling outs (not with them) that I just want to keep it low key although in reality it's keeping me up at night!

RoxieW

Bennifred wrote: »

I must say, though, that I wouldn't be !!!!!-footing around when it came to my children's safety. Even if it meant upsetting the in-laws.

You are right I know I must say something and cant just let it go. I'm just keen to try to sort it in a tactful way as they are the only set of grandparents my boys have and they are doting grandparents - they're just from a different generation where there was a different attitude to carseats etc. With the dogs I think there is an element on me being paranoid but still I'd rather be safe then sorry. I'm just peeved as i wouldnt have to be in this situation if they stuck to 'the rules' and exercised normal sense!

Any

Why are you going to leave your baby with them??

Do they want you to or do you want them to have them?

I cannot see why would you leave such a small baby with grand parents who are already looking after the other 2 children and 2 dogs.

Also - why you are leaving all of them there if they have no means of a transport? What are they going to do about shopping or anything? They will have to be bound to the house at all times (obviously they can go out, but not very far like for trips or something)

RoxieW

They want to have the baby and we also want to have a weekend break. They have our sons for the weekend normally once every 3 months-ish. Am not sure the relevance of your question - are you assuming that they cant cope?
They are not 'old' grandparents. They are early 50's and actually have 2 daughters at home - one 16, one 20.
Also not sure about the relevance of the transport question? They have a van and he has a motorbike so one or the other can go do shopping - they dont all have to go en masse! The 20yr old also has a car. Not sure since when trips were an essential to a weekend at grandmas?

Reggie_Rebel

If you are not happy then they don't go.

What could be more simpler?