My Partner has left me

eira

Totally agree with above-especially under the circumstances.I only suggested the phone as an emergency measure. The DFW is a fantastic resource for advice, support and templates.Do everything in writing/get an answer machine if you have to to screen calls and as above poster says keep everything in writing and get proof of postage


Would also agree with other posters that Women's Aid could be helpful

barnaby-bear

financegirl wrote: »

Originally Posted by financegirl
I'm sorry to sound a cynical woman - but reading threads like this, make me realise that if i am to get married , I'm going to have a few secret accounts 'just in case'.

This is important for everyone - it isn't just relationship breakdown but if a partner suddenly dies or becomes incapable suddenly.


Yes and no. You'd hope that in the case of death or illness, an insurance policy, would be in place.

Ive never seen an insurance policy for sh1ts that decide to up and leave, clearing out bank accounts.

You need a seperate stash for yourself, you never know what could happen - people can change, let you down and all those empty promises mean !!!! all when you are shafted with no cash and kids to feed.

I think when I get married, I will open a couple of accounts and keep the saving books at a family or friends house - god that sounds so sinister, but I suppose you never know...

Not insurance I mean literally having access to bills/paperwork and accounts. I know of plenty of elderly women who have suddenly found themselves with a sick/died husband who don't have a card to access their bank account, don't have security information to change bills, their main account maybe frozen, suppliers won't talk to them because everything in the man's name, may have no idea where paperwork is or who supplier is - it's amazing how many of these women have no independent financial knowledge or control. These are often the people least likely to have photo driving license or passport too. It's incredible how many younger women also rely on a joint account.

kittiej

Hope you're Ok today.

Has he been in touch yet?

How are the children coping, they must be wondering what's happening bless em.

tizhimi

What I'd do....

-Change the locks
-Open a parachute account
-Get the kids uniform sorted
-Sort out passport
-Shop him to the Police
-Write a letter to him at his parents address AND his work address explaining how he has acted illegally by leaving these bills
-Infrom everyone of his work address
-Go to the doctors and get a note about your mental state, this would play well in court.
- Write a diary of conversations.
- Follow EVERY phone call up with a written letter to "confirm" everything
- Pay a token amount of £1 towards debts, along with a standard letter repeating yourself
- Stay strong, stay on MSE and remember that you don't get mad - you get EVEN. (Goodness me it takes me back to when I was left in the lurch by my ex! Yep girl, get even. Go see his boss if you have to, that would shame the hell out of him.)

financegirl

tizhimi wrote: »

What I'd do....

-Change the locks
-Open a parachute account
-Get the kids uniform sorted
-Sort out passport
-Shop him to the Police
-Write a letter to him at his parents address AND his work address explaining how he has acted illegally by leaving these bills
-Infrom everyone of his work address
-Go to the doctors and get a note about your mental state, this would play well in court.
- Write a diary of conversations.
- Follow EVERY phone call up with a written letter to "confirm" everything
- Pay a token amount of £1 towards debts, along with a standard letter repeating yourself
- Stay strong, stay on MSE and remember that you don't get mad - you get EVEN. (Goodness me it takes me back to when I was left in the lurch by my ex! Yep girl, get even. Go see his boss if you have to, that would shame the hell out of him.)

Hell hath no fury...a woman after my own heart (have you read my posts on this??:rotfl:

barnaby-bear

tizhimi wrote: »

What I'd do....

-Change the locks
-Open a parachute account
-Get the kids uniform sorted
-Sort out passport
-Shop him to the Police
-Write a letter to him at his parents address AND his work address explaining how he has acted illegally by leaving these bills
-Infrom everyone of his work address
-Go to the doctors and get a note about your mental state, this would play well in court.
- Write a diary of conversations.
- Follow EVERY phone call up with a written letter to "confirm" everything
- Pay a token amount of £1 towards debts, along with a standard letter repeating yourself
- Stay strong, stay on MSE and remember that you don't get mad - you get EVEN. (Goodness me it takes me back to when I was left in the lurch by my ex! Yep girl, get even. Go see his boss if you have to, that would shame the hell out of him.)

If the OP was without children maybe. However she needs to consider if harming his career could impact on future maintenance for the children, the effects any resentment will have on his reaction to the children and their long-term relationship. Yes his actions seem highly odd and irresponsible at the moment but there maybe more to the issue and his children have to live with the situation, how he is viewed, any feuds for a long time.

financegirl

barnaby-bear wrote: »

If the OP was without children maybe. However she needs to consider if harming his career could impact on future maintenance for the children, the effects any resentment will have on his reaction to the children and their long-term relationship. Yes his actions seem highly odd and irresponsible at the moment but there maybe more to the issue and his children have to live with the situation, how he is viewed, any feuds for a long time.

wouldn't even consider playing nice, with a 'man' who cleared out all my bank accounts, bolting out of the door and left me totally broke with OUR children

barnaby-bear

financegirl wrote: »

wouldn't even consider playing nice, with a 'man' who cleared out all my bank accounts, bolting out of the door and left me totally broke with OUR children

Not even if it might be in the kids long term interest? The OP is in a terrible situation but really surely her interests are best served by putting her energies into doing positive, practical things that will help her situation - if I could see a positive result or goal to retaliation then maybe but things are raw and new and making things more heated at the moment might not be the best idea particularly where kids there to get caught in cross-fire. REvenge is usually best served cold and can be done so just as effectively.

financegirl

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Not even if it might be in the kids long term interest? The OP is in a terrible situation but really surely her interests are best served by putting her energies into doing positive, practical things that will help her situation - if I could see a positive result or goal to retaliation then maybe but things are raw and new and making things more heated at the moment might not be the best idea particularly where kids there to get caught in cross-fire. REvenge is usually best served cold and can be done so just as effectively.

Can we agree to disagree - :beer:

but yes, I take and understand your point about retaliation, didn't have that in mind though;)

barnaby-bear

financegirl wrote: »

Can we agree to disagree - :beer:

but yes, I take and understand your point about retaliation, didn't have that in mind though;)

:beer: Of course
You see so many people consumed with anger and bitterness when really it's the absent parent who's missed out. If down the line the partner claims a mental breakdown and mummy did XYZ that made daddy have to stay away etc.... it could be a horrible situation for confused little kids.