My Partner has left me

Foofur

elfen wrote: »

I'd still let the police know, especially if he has said before about taking the kids, then they know just in case. It's better to be safe than sorry. And do you know his parents' address, he may have gone there, and at least it IS an address to give them (though I'm sure his parents would be as shocked as any of use with what he's done to you.) I'd also recommend phoning the domestic violence helpline, they can suggest places who may be able to help you in the area, or at least give you some more advice.

He hasnt spoken to his family in nearly 5 years so he's definitely not there. He's most likely to be close to his work (about 45 minutes away)

princess_loki

Foofur wrote: »

I dont think the kids are at risk, but I will be changing the locks. I suffer with a heart condition so the last thing I need would be for him to bound through the door and scaring the life out of me!

He did make a passing comment that he would take the kids, but I dont think he would, leaving them for a couple of hours alone with him when we were together was enough to send him scatty!

glad you will be making the house secure - you will sleep better.

make sure that you tell the school the situation too - new term, new teachers and changes at home could be difficult for the kids. school will also have access to social workers - they can be really helpful and maybe take some of the pressure off you.

can you do something with the kids tomorrow? go to the park or for a walk?

Burlesque_Babe

I would give his parents address as a forwarding one for any bills or for the council tax. Even if he isn't there, it is better than not being able to give one and it's between him and them if bills start arriving for him. Start shifting the responsibility over to him rather than having to burden yourself with the not knowing where he is.

princess_loki

elfen wrote: »

I'd still let the police know, especially if he has said before about taking the kids, then they know just in case. It's better to be safe than sorry.

I AGREE - very very important

also, if you feel up to it could you tell your neighbours about the situation? i have been in terrible situations in the past and knowing that the old man over the road knew what was happening made me feel so much safer - he never goes out and keeps an eye on me and the house.

bestpud

Sorry you have been left in this mess.

You obviously have supportive family and friends though, which is some good news at least.

I can't add much but do know you can contact child benefit and tax credits, and have them paid by giro if you cannot get an account set up straight away.

For tax credits, you need to make a single claim, and close your joint one.

Also, if you are with BT, they will close down the current account (in your OHs name) and start you up again with a new one if you contact them. It does mean you may be without a phone for a short while, but hopefully only an hour or two.

Let CAB deal with Ocean Finance - creditors are often more amenable when dealing with the CAB.

I think you need to accept there is nothing more you can do now until Tuesday, so it's a case of coping as best you can until then.

Would one of your friends spend some time with you over the weekend - go out somewhere with the children, or have you over their house for a bit maybe?

moneysavermum_2

Foofur wrote: »

Hi All,

My partner has just up and left me with 3 young children (6,5,1) and cleared out the joint account. He has left me with no money, and all the bills are due to come out in the next week or so, including a mortgage and a secured loan. I have no idea what to do from here. The washing machine is bust too (just to top it off!) and the kids need uniform and shoes for school (which we had planned on buying this weekend!)

I know its the bank holiday weekend, so I know I cant get any official advice before Tuesday, but can someone please give me any guidance as to what I need to be doing. I have no family in this country (I'm Irish), and my passport is out of date so hopping back home is not an option for the near future

I should add that the online banking has been suspended at his request and Halifax wont talk to me because I failed the security question (I got the branch wrong, I named the local branch instead of the one we opened the account in, in London grrrR), so I have no bank account now, and no way of getting in to see what direct debits are due out and he has taken the paperwork file with him (no idea why!)

I'm at rock bottom at the moment so any practical advice will help.


you need to get to the jobcentre sharpish and get signed on to recieve all your benefit entitlement. Dont worry!!! in the long term hell pay....just at the moment you need money for food and to meet basic needs.

moneysavermum_2

Foofur wrote: »

Do you need your birth cert for that? Sorry only ever had one passport and we usually get the boat back so never needed it replacing.

I would get onto the POlice tell them the situation and they will recover those personal documents. Not sure legally whether he is entitled to hold those private documents whatever his reason ofr taking them. Hes not thought about you and the kids at all start thinking of protecting you all. Get your id, and then get yourself back to your family and rebuild from there. I wouldnt bother about the house id move !!!

eira

Were the accounts in joint names ? If so make sure the bank knows what he's done (risk = running up debts in both your names) I would ring the lost/stolen card line as they tend to be open 24/7 and try getting them to put a note on the file. Your sister should be capable of paying for your machine via a credit card

Open up a savings account with an ATM facility (Tesco currently offer a 1000 point deal for opening one )-at least you can get cash out. For Visa facilities the new O2 card may be useful

Check status of insurances-who's paying these . See if you can remember what the DD were for. Whose name were the utility bills in-if they were his he's responsible, tell the utility companies and give them a meter reading as of when he left and ask them to switch the account into your name Contact Ocean Finance explain the situation and ask them to freeze the interest.Write to Halifax tell them what's happened and tell them that you withdraw any permission/whatever for this to be a joint account.Tell the mortgage company-I know Abbey have a bad press but they were wonderful-especially as it had got to the repossession point. They gacve me a mortgage in my sole name under the proviso that my ex had nothing whatoever to do with the mortgage as they were satisfied the defaults had been deliberate on his part

Don't want to be a pessimist but in these situations there can be 'another party' involved-this seems to occur particularly in cases like this where a 'financial cleansing' takes place shall we say. I wouldn't get any money paid into that joint account

I got conned mega big time-he was just cleverer than most-the scams he tried on were varied and many.

Key is - no joint accounts/inform places immediately/don't rely on any promises for maintenance or settlements until (and unless) the money is cleared funds in YOUR bank account-and get an account with an ATM facility so you always have access to cash. I found these savings accounts a total lifeline.The O2 Visa is currently available on line-looks as if you can get payments into it as well so at least anyone willing could help by topping up the savings and the O2 card

As regards uniform have a word with the school-most teachers/learning mentors are in the day before school starts

All the best-hope these tips help-I think it's one of those situations you have to be in to appreciate how truly horrendous it is.I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

financegirl

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Quote:
Originally Posted by financegirl
I'm sorry to sound a cynical woman - but reading threads like this, make me realise that if i am to get married , I'm going to have a few secret accounts 'just in case'.

This is important for everyone - it isn't just relationship breakdown but if a partner suddenly dies or becomes incapable suddenly.

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Yes and no. You'd hope that in the case of death or illness, an insurance policy, would be in place.

Ive never seen an insurance policy for sh1ts that decide to up and leave, clearing out bank accounts.

You need a seperate stash for yourself, you never know what could happen - people can change, let you down and all those empty promises mean !!!! all when you are shafted with no cash and kids to feed.

I think when I get married, I will open a couple of accounts and keep the saving books at a family or friends house - god that sounds so sinister, but I suppose you never know...

Deep_In_Debt

Can't help much but re Ocean Finance - do not speak with them on the phone again, keep everything in writing. Send them a letter explaining your situation and enclose your I&E and say that you will make token payments until you get yourself sorted - £1.00, £5.00, £10.00 pm, whatever you can afford. It won't stop the phone calls but it does show that you are trying to clear your debts and if Ocean take you to court, the judge may rule in your favour, if the courts see you are making an effort.

If you do answer the phone to them, refuse to go through their security questions, say you will only deal in writing and hang up.

As bank of slate said earlier, if you get any problems with Ocean or any other financial problems, then pop over to the DFW board where the lovely people will support and help.

good luck.