Am I being unreasonable?

lara1983

You're definitely right to have a good hard think. It does depend on workload of course. Also, if you really want him to have the full uni 'experience' he has to have some time free to do sporty things, maybe music stuff, and generally build up his C.V with worthy experiences rather than 'wasting' it working in a bar.
I personally think working in term time is counter productive. I've seen it happen so many times- people get tempted to work more and more hours on a rubbish wage and then their studies inevitably suffer, no matter how talented the individual. The whole point is that you do well now so you can earn lots in the future. It's an investment, so you have to use your time wisely. The few pounds he could have earned while he should have been studying will be peanuts next to his wage after he has finished. Why not 'loan' him it for now if you can afford to, then he can you pay you back when he has the time and wage to do so?
My uni doesn't allow you to even take a job in term time so I've always worked in the hols. A very profitable way of making money is through internships at big companies but they're competative - however they do add C.V. points! Office jobs are also great, and more satisfying than night time jobs in your evenings off! I understand your stance on money, but if you're only doing it to teach him the value of money, then I don't think you'd be doing him that big a favour. Uni is absolutely crammed with learing experiences as it is. I would have seen this as yet another burden at a surprisingly stressful time, particularly in his finals year.
Hth

nearlyrich

Earning £30k does not mean someone is wealthy, if they have a mortgage younger children to support etc, basically earn £30k and your student offspring gets the same support as a student who's parents earn millions.

I have 2 children at uni, I am married but my OH has already supported his own children through education and my ex is not interested in helping his children to get on. My OH is not refusing to help by the way it's me that feels guilty about expecting him to pay up although the LEA take his income and my company car into account when assessing the loan available.

I feel it's my duty to help my children out but they have to help themselves too. In their first year I made up the extra they would have had as a loan (about £1000) and paid their fees £1200 ish plus still gave them the £100 per month they had as an allowance in 6th form. Halls fees are really expensive in Manchester and Leeds they would not have had enough to pay for the rent with just the £3k loan.

My son is in second year, this year I have given him his fees and £100 per month (£2400 ish) and with his bar job has managed really well, he is earning whilst his mates are spending and he is a good cook who can make a meal from cheap ingredients.

He has sorted out a fulltime job for all the holidays and came home for just 4 days over Easter and ended up working in the bar he worked at the year before he went to college.

My daughter's hall fees were more than the loan so I subsidised her by an extra £1000 (which I did for my son last year too) next year she will get fees and £100 per month.

As I wrote in another thread, the support is not unconditional, they have to pass all modules and they have agreed to not get into CC's and Bank loans and to only use the student O/D as transitory so they come out with "just " student loans, a necessary evil unfortunately.

Both appreciate they are well supported and I would not get into debt to offer this, we all sat down and worked out a BUDGET.

If your son sees people spending freely and feels hard done to remind him that they will either have very rich parents (and yeah life isn't fair) or they will be paying off their student debts into their 40's not a great position to be in.

Hope you manage to sort out something tha works for you.

babe_ruth_3

nearlyrich,

are you saying that you paid their accomodation and fees (Instead of taking the government loan) and also give them £23 per week (100 per month)?

As for his friends spending freely, if what he tells me is correct, they are from families who can't afford to support them so they get a grant as well as a loan.

I agree 30k doesn't mean that you are wealthty.We are self-employed and run a business from home. We make an ok living but sometimes when work is scarce we do not draw a wage and we have all the usuall expenses as most other families.

Anyway I'm not complaining about supporting our son, we will do what we have to do. I just wondered what is the right thing to do? I suppose everyone circumstance are different but I really appreciate all your replies.:T

linzibean

I wish I had such generous parents as some people here! Last year I had to pay £1100 fees, plus train fares to university (around £10 a day as I was living at home) plus food and clothing etc, and i got less loan as I was living at home. This year I paid £440 fees, car insurance/fuel, hall fees, and various living costs and bills, all by myself, as my mother's only advice on finance is "get a job"!

Thankfully over the last few years (and before university, I was already working and very financially independant) I've managed to be savvy enough with money to know how and when to spend properly!

My living costs are very low - but then I don't go out drinking, eat very frugally and obviously being in halls dont have many amenity bills. I spent £11 in tesco today fo about 2 weeks food (being a vegan helps!) and I spend £10 a month on phone credit, and around £5 a week on the student cinema which does good films at £2.50 a ticket

I know its harsh, but maybe letting you children begin to stand for themselves and handle their money is a good learning experience - though make sure they dont get in too over their heads - I've seen too many people go under and get severely depressed because of debts

alexandra1

The student loan is not a huge amount if you go for non assessed income, and as the amount you need to earn to justify being income assessed (I 'm sure it's less that £30k a year), many young people just get the basic rate.
My son never got a job during his first year, non of his friends did either, for whatever reason. Becuase of this we nevrer supported him very much, as one of the posts said, to try and get him to stand on his own two feet. This hasn't worked!!
He worked during last summer, but this is his second year, living in a house and still no job! So how does he manage? Well I too wanted him to enjoy the full 'University experience' and again non of his friends or house mates worked. He get's a small contribution from me, and I pay his £1200.00 fees, the only concession is he was allowed to use his Nat West uni O/D to the limit per year as we have a student fund which pays this off each year, before he starts the next term. This year it was maxd out by Christmas. We now have the problem of his next house having to be financed for 3 months over the summer. Obviously he will have to get another job during the summer, which isn't so easy when so many other young people are wanting jobs too. My son is so laid back and I think this is not a good quality to have, I would like to give him more, but his attitude makes me go the other way. Compared to what some of you give your kids mine's a pittance! The boys all eat well, and shop online, one of the boys is a good cook, I can only think that he doesn't go out as much as the others. I wish he was more motivated, any suggestions?

Moley456

Hi alexandra1

As i said above, i'm a student coming to the end of my degree. like i've said i work during term time and i've worked in the summer hols. My parents have paid my tuition fees and ocaisionally given me money, prob works out as £ 100 for each month i'm at uni, but usually it's to help clear my overdraft at the end of the year.

Other than that i use my overdraft to the full extent. I've survived. You don't need to have loads of money at university, you tend to learn to cope. If your son is being too complacent then limit your contribution to just his tuition fees. He needs to appreciate how much help you provide to him. If he's not going to appreciate it then don't supply it.

I think it's called tough love. There are people who have funded themselves (they deserve medals i think) but having the financial backing from parents is really a gem, and if he doesn't appreciate it he soon will.

Don't feel bad, you've worked hard to help him, you deserve a thank you and some consideration.

DrFluffy

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your son to stand on his own two feet. I worked full time hours in a restaurant during my first dgree, in order to meet my living costs. I certainly feel like I appreciated the oportunity to be at uni more than a lot of my friends, who only had to click their fingers and mummy and daddy would send them some more drinking money.

chugalug

My son's about to finish college and has already accepted his place at Kingston (yaaaaaaaah). All through college he's moaned about the amount of money his friends get given by their parents. Not sure if its all true but having met some of them they're definately from better off families - running cars with no jobs, nice clothes, cavalier attitudes to finance etc. But, its made him appreciate that I can't support him financially and he's learnt to stand on his own two feet. He's had a job since the age of 15 and all through college he's had 2 jobs. He already has work lined up for the summer. He can budget (just paid for his own computer), has his own motorbike. He knows he has to find his accommodation costs. I would like to do more for him financially but its not possible. I don't worry about how he'll cope though, cos he will - he has to (and he wants to!!). If you can't learn to cope at uni when you have support all around you then what's it going to be like when they leave home. They have to learn sometime.

nearlyrich

babe_ruth wrote:

nearlyrich,

are you saying that you paid their accomodation and fees (Instead of taking the government loan) and also give them £23 per week (100 per month)?

No sadly I am not quite that rich yet, they take the basic student loan and I have kept up the £100 per month I gave them in 6th form plus paying fees for 2 ( £1175 each this year). The basic student loan just about covers rent and basic living ,except in first year in halls so last year my son got a top up of around £1000 and this year my daughter got the extra. Sorry I thought I had explained what I meant! I don't want them to end up in more debt that basic student loans if at all possible so I do what I can and they work to provide the extras.

babe_ruth_3

we have just arranged to view our sons second years digs next week-end and also to have a fresh look at his/our finances. I think at the end of the day, like a lot of things talking about it is the answer, although reading the last few replies I'm more confused than ever.