£77,366.35 reasons to be debt free!

hypno06

I would say that you HAVE to mention it to OH - after all, this was an avoidable issue, and as a result of him ignoring it, you have gotten into a problem situation.

If it was an unavoidable expense that caused the problem then no need to mention it, but as it had already been raised, is avoidable, and was ignored, I would think it deserves a mention even if it does lead to a row - otherwise it will just happen again.

Do you have a "spends" element each within your budget? Could one be incorporated if you don't already have one, so that he can buy his itunes out of that, without it impacting anywhere else, but once it is spent, it is spent?

In_my_dreams

I'm so annoyed with him for going behind my back I could cry. I know that he will say it's only £14 but it's £14 we didn't have. He knows it's been a long payday and one way or another it will be my fault, as he earns a lot of money and should be able to spend it however he wants. I am so tired of being the one in charge of it all and laying the rules for them to be ignored.

I am trying to get stuff sold on ebay whilst he's on the computer buying bloody tunes and ignoring me when I ask him to cancel sky! Also mentions in passing he's had a filling for £40 and just expects money to be there. It is so frustrating.

I will speak to him but I think I'm just going to have to try and calm down as I am taking the kids to my parents today and don't want to be in a bad mood. Just makes me realise how much he does contribute to the debt, I set a budget, am honest when we are skint and he ignores me and puts it on the cc. He has to be nagged to submit his expenses on time which means the CC is higher than I'd like and then he takes it over the limit :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Aaargghhhhhhh - deep breaths!

hypno06

How can it be just your fault - from what I understand, he has been he beneficiary of a fair bit of the spending over the years too.......

Sadly, we can't make someone have their LBM, and as you know even when we have our own, we often take several attempts at it before it shines brightly - I know that was the case for me, I always knew the reasons for our debt, and the extent of them etc, and always "managed" the debt, but it was only about 3 years ago that the lightbulb became the full on 100w job that was needed, yet it had been flickering on and off with a lower wattage for several years previously!

Unfortunately, your OH is still using his dimmer switch.......

In_my_dreams

Thank you so much Hypno - such a wise woman! Just fed up today and he has gone out whilst I am left with the problem. There is nothing I can do until he is paid. On the positive, we were only £70 short of Council Tax, I have £40 coming from Quidco which will go towards the charge we will no doubt receive and I have to take it on the chin. Once I am paid we have tins to be filled and get back on track. Am surprised we've done this well I suppose considering Christmas, I just want to move in the right direction for a change

Off to get dressed now, should be at my mum's about 10 mins ago :eek:

hypno06

You are right - you ARE doing well, when you take Christmas etc into consideration - so you ARE moving in the right direction. Sometimes the road ahead is not as simple as being straight and smooth, you have to navigate the bends and the potholes, remember, but that doesn't mean that it is going in the wrong direction!!

Enjoy your day at your mums x

macgirl

If the explaining and nagging is falling on deaf ears, could you not bluff him and say you think you will have to declare yourselves Bankrupt? Or lie and say one of your creditors suggested it?

I know it sounds radical, but he has clearly not had the LBM yet. It might shock him into reality. I understand his attitude though. It is hard to be earning and not be able to spend a measly £14 on something. That is the hard part, the money has been spent and now we must suffer and go without to pay it back.
Hope you can get through to him....

On a more positive note, how is the Ebay venture going?

louisewh123

IMD my fella is the same, he feels as he earns he should be able to spend. I have told him we can either live on really tight budget abd be debt free in 3 - 5 years or live "ok" and a slightly better budget and be debt free in 2029. I know which one i would like!

Could you not sneakily "miss place" the CC for awhile? x x

In_my_dreams

Back and more positive you will be pleased to know

Had a phone "chat" with OH which involved me just crying with frustration and explaining that I am just going round in circles and feel let down at the lack of support he gives me and the guilt that is constantly on my shoulders. I didn't say much but maybe enough? Came home and he has just asked how ebay is getting off and if it looks like taking off then he would help me for an hour every night getting the other stuff on :eek:

I had spent about 8 hours last week putting stuff on and felt annoyed he wasn't helping but didn't actually say anything.

I so so want him to help me but it is like a brick wall sometimes, I just want some breathing space from it all.

Have got about 50 things on Ebay, 8 have bids on and about 60% are being watched with 4 days left. Just going to check them day before they finish and not obsess and putting the next lot on for longer, as long as I make a small profit to pay towards the debt I care not

Have actually spent no money today, DD needed present for friend's party (which set off the tears and stress re lack of funds) but I used my tescos vouchers and only spent £5 and got some nice stuff.

Onwards, upwards - I will get charged but it's not the end of the world, Bank will be in credit by Tuesday and life can resume with tins of money

WorkingHardDFW

Hey IMD you are doing so well. You've got to remember where you've come from.

If its any consolation its taken as long as my two years on here for my OH to really get on board. He gets frustrated, fed up, cross and then is at times as equally motivated as I am. It helped for me to take control of everything and tbh do all the work for the extra money. He works hard and gets well paid for it, gets the bonuses all of which are very nice. I've made things as easy for him as well. Told him which CC to use for purchases and put his receipts of the spike and the money fairy does the rest!!

He has driven me mad at times which is his lack of understanding. Last summer it was his just taking money out of our joint account (which is what we pay all the bills from) to fund his social life at cricket. When I got cross with him he didn't seem to get it that there wasn't £50 or whatever 'spare' in the account for him to spend. If it wasn't in his own account we didn't have it. I'm not sure that lesson has even been learnt so his cricket fund (yes I do budget for it ) will be transferred to his own account for him to spend as he wishes. I also felt cross that he had £500 to spend over the summer whilst I got zero!!

I've gone through mega periods of feeling sorry for myself and getting cross at the long road that was ahead but during this journey I've learnt so much at every stage. This will keep us DF going forwards since I don't want to end up in debt again.

Sorry about the long rambling post IMD. I hope it helps.

wantabetterlife

Hi IMD, glad you have cleared the air with OH.....sometimes they really do need it spelt out to them. Make sure you take him up on his offer of helping with ebay...it may make him appreciate the effort you go to . Good thinking with the tesco vouchers, childrens partys are so expensive and sometimes we feel under pressure to buy expensive presents we cant afford :mad:. I think february will be a better month for most of us financially as everyone still seems to be recovering from christmas. Best of luck with ebay, i was selling a wedding dress for a friend that ended this evening and i was checking it every 5 minutes.....and it wasnt even mine :rotfl::rotfl:. Take care
WABL

Ps If you happen to have come across my diary on the MFW board you will notice that i used the same title as your diary...thought it was catchy...hope you dont mind and sue me for copyright:rotfl: