HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

mandyc

I was just going to ask if Pete has any siblings. How is his relationship with them. Can he tell them of his problems?

HeavyHeart

Yes, she knows whats going on, as do all of his family, and none of them want to get involved. To the point of no longer speaking to Pete on the phone. They wont talk to the parents about it either, so they arent taking sides, but nobody wants to know. Pete has had no contact with anyone in his family for 5 years because of this. Not even a Christmas card.

calleyw

HeavyHeart wrote:

Yes, she knows whats going on, as do all of his family, and none of them want to get involved. To the point of no longer speaking to Pete on the phone. They wont talk to the parents about it either, so they arent taking sides, but nobody wants to know. Pete has had no contact with anyone in his family for 5 years because of this. Not even a Christmas card.

I am so sorry to hear that. I hate that in families where one member is to scared to stand up against anyone else.

If it was my parents and I found out they where taking the p1ss with one of my brothers. I would be having very serious words with them. About not treating my sibling like that.

It is not about taking sides. It is about being fair. How would Pete's sister feel if she was made to buy her parents a house in her name so they could live in it but she had to pay mortgage. umm don't think she would be very happy.

I know your parents pay for bringing you up. And I out of choice if we could afford it, would give money to my parents so that my dad could take it easier as he gets older. But that would be my choice and not being made to. Which is what Pete has been made to do.

Yours


Calley

Chortle_2

Good grief - it gets worse! I take it his parents know that his siblings aren't talking to him because of it, and don't care?

That is simply disgusting - how any parent can treat their child like that is beyond me. It is just so selfish!

(sorry, I know me slating your parents-in-law doesn't help you, I just felt like I had to say it )

Definitely get legal advice - Sounds to me (although I am no lawyer) that you'd have a case for having the contract to allow them to live there rent free forever declared null and void as it was signed under duress. If not, a good solicitor would at least be able to advise you on where you would stand should the house be repossessed I know that it would be hard on your OH, as he'd effectively be making his parents homeless, but if it is causing you both so much grief, and his family don't talk to him anyway, it can't really make matters worse now can it? And it isn't like his parents are treating him with any respect, so I'd say they don't deserve any either!

HeavyHeart

My view is that when people have children, its their responsibility to make sure that the children are looked after. Thats what parents are for.

In an ideal world, its nice for children to then make sure that the parents are happy in their old age. But its NOT for children to go into financial hardship simply because the parents EXPECT to have a free life. I dont understand that mentality. Pete works his fingers to the bone, just as many men/women do, but not only does all of his hard work go straight to Barclaycard and MBNA, its going to his parents too. And thats unfair. Admittedly, we agreed to do it, but if I could explain how much stress we were under at the time we agreed, nobody would be surprised that we did agree to do it.

Yes they paid for their childrens clothes and school books or whatever. This doesnt mean that the children then have to pay for them until the day they die.

I agree with you 100%.

mandyc

Sorry, I don't know what to suggest. I am a 56 year old only child and because I have tried to manage my elderly parents on my own thought that siblings might have helped but obivously not!!! All I can suggest is keep talking to Pete and telling him how you feel.

HeavyHeart

Hi Chortle - Pete has gone from wanting to do everything he can for his parents, to now not caring whether they live. Its so sad, neither of us has a harmful bone in our bodies, yet where these two people are concerned, we just dont care.

This episode will, I'm sure, haunt him for the rest of his life. He is totally alone, as none of the family will talk to him. I also have no family - we are literally 100% alone in the world. We have only each other now. My parents died a long time ago. They were both only children, so I have no nephews or nieces etc.

System

HeavyHearted, i feel so sorry for you. Its not even your own doing that got you into this mess in real terms.

My family has issues too, but gorden benit we wouldnt do that to one another. Personally I would be round there now telling them to pack their bags and FO. They refuse, assist em (Im not saying do that, but if it where me I would be)

At the end of the day, the FIL sold the house. Where did that money go ? Its now NOT his property!

piglet6

Oh, Jennifer...!

I understand what you're saying about the multicultural thing - maybe we can put it down to their age and "excuse" their ignorance on those grounds...?!:o

It might be worth looking into though - I live on a "council" estate in London (admittedly now 90% privately owned)...but there are several families here (including those who own their own place, so I'm not discriminating on that basis) who are probably not the sort of people that your Ps-in-law would enjoy living next to if they are the judgemental sort...although you'd never know it to "look" at them (if you get my drift - "less than desirable" people come in all shapes, sizes and, ahem, "flavours"...;) ). I'm sure you might be able to find an "acceptable" area that is perhaps not as affluent as where they are currently living. Also, even if you could downsize them in their current area, it might be something - a smaller place would be less comfortable for them (and I don't think we have to consider their "comfort" factor here!!:mad: ) and also should free up a bit of money for you to throw at some of the credit cards.:D

Sorry to hear that Pete is away at the moment, but please come on here and post as often as you want to - there is always somebody here to talk to and offer support and advice (and I know that problems can multiply themselves when you are by yourself and they are racing round in your head - a problem shared and all that...). Like others have said, the pair of you seem really strong together, which is great:D , and logically speaking, the laws of nature suggest that his parents can't live forever (depressing waiting for it to happen...but a small light at the end of a long tunnel...:cool: ).

Piglet
x

HeavyHeart

Hi 13000, I completely agree with you. The FIL sold Pete the house, but even though Pete paid for it, the FIL still think he owns it (and all subsequent houses that Pete owned that they all lived in together).

Admittedly, we used credit cards to buy food etc etc, and also probably lots that we seriously didnt need. However, this was because we didnt have a spare penny to our names in cash.

Pete and I recently made a rule, that unless something is vital to our life, we dont buy it. Its the only way we can think of to get through this. Tonight, I have been absolutely desperate for a glass of Coca Cola, but I darent go out and buy any. I dont have a single penny in the house, and the only way to buy one can of Coca Cola is to drive to the petrol station (which takes petrol) and buy more than one thing in the petrol station, because they wont take a credit card for less than £5.00.

Ive even dug down behind the cushions on the sofa to see if there's a few coins down there. But I did that last week, and spent what I found on a packet of Anchor Butter.

This sounds like a Carry On film, but this is the life I'm living at the moment.