HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

Alleycat

Fair do's with the job thing. Sounds like its a pretty full day for Pete at the moment anyway and I guess he is pretty stressed by the whole thing too. I'm glad you are going to the doctors regarding how you are feeling as well. Sounds like although you have a hell of a lot on your plate, you are doing really well. You have made the first important steps and it will get easier, promise! I suffer with PND and although my debts aren't as large as yours, it can still be very demoralising when things don't go the way they should be. We've just had a very rubbish month and overspent, I felt like packing my bags and walking but I managed to get my head around it, so I kind of know how it feels to be so low.

If you are happy to rent, then that seems like the best option then. You need to find out how much the house will roughly sell for, then get it on the market asap. You will obviously need to take into account the fees and stuff and will need a deposit (usually around 4 to 6 weeks worth of rent) plus one month's rent in advance for a private rented place so factor that into the budget. Also there will be moving costs. Depending on how much is left over, maybe a nice break for you both when all this is over as well? Would be something to look forward to and help keep you sane!

Ali-OK

I've just read through the thread and ((hugs)) to you HH.

Someone once said to me, when you hit rock bottom, the only way is UP. There is lots of support here and going to the Doc is a good start too. Hang on in there.

I think the idea of selling your place, clearing your debt and renting for a while is a sensible one - this at least would get you on track financially. I doubt a judge would turf P-I-L out due to age, unfortunately (and then there's more emotional stress going through the legal process, which is the last thing you want more of).

It might be worth contacting CAB and talking through everything with them and see what they can advise.

Keep us posted. ((Hugs))

piglet6

Hi Jennifer

I'm so sorry to hear your story...what horrible parents Pete has :mad: - and how lucky he is to have found someone like you to support him in life!! :T

One thing that struck me as I read through the posts. Does your agreement with them state that they can live in that particular property for life, or just that you will pay for them to live rent-free for life - i.e. can you downsize them from their very comfy flat into a shoebox/studio...perhaps in a less nice part of town...?!?! *ha ha ha* (Piglet cackles an evil laugh!!)

I'm sure other people will have lots of other helpful ideas (and probably much better than mine!)...so keep posting and hanging on in there. I would definitely seek out further legal advice, because it sounds very strange that last time the consensus was that a judge might award ownership of the house to Pete's parents (:huh: ?!?!). And good luck at the doctor's on Tuesday - don't be afraid to take whatever support he/she might give you to get through this difficult time (whatever they offer will be better than the alternative of that knife!).

Take care :grouphug:

Piglet
x

HeavyHeart

I will do, thanks very much

I know the feeling of wanting to pack my bags. I sometimes think that I should throw a few pairs of knickers into a bag, head to the airport, and get on the first plane going anywhere that I cant be found. A mountain in Canada, the middle of the Sahara, who cares.

But I have never run from my obligations. I know I have to stay and fight this. I just dont think I have too much energy left.

Poor Pete, every day he comes home, as white as sheet. He leaves home at 5.30am, and gets home at 7.00pm, and this is just so that he can work 9-5.30. And when he gets in, I can often see that he has spent a few minutes alone in the car, crying. Then I start to cry.

I'm really not sure how parents can treat a son this way. There was never any problems between them. They always got on so well. There was never a problem between me and them either, we all got on very well indeed. But once we asked them to help us (and literally, we suggested perhaps £50.00 a month, which wasnt bad considering the mortgage was £600 a month), thats when all of this started to go wrong.

But they have a nice life at least. They go out and play golf, they buy expensive cuts of beef, they go to Spain a couple of times a year...

And all because we pay the bills. Meanwhile, every time we pop to the shop to buy a loaf of bread, we think that it might be the last we can afford.

I know that makes me sound like a drama queen, but literally, every time we buy ANYTHING, even a loaf of bread, we feel guilty.

HeavyHeart

Thanks Piglet.

Re a less nice part of town... one of the stipulations that his parents gave us at the time we agreed to buy a flat was that they wouldnt live in certain parts of town because... well, I dont want to say it out loud as I dont want to cause a barrage, but our area is a wonderful area of multiculturalism. I love it. Unfortunately, Pete's parents stated clearly that they wouldnt move anywhere 'multicultural' (except that wasnt the word they used).

Stupidly, we agreed to that demand because we felt we had no choice.

Lets just say that his parents dont exactly embrace a multi-cultural society. And I cant say that paints them in a very good light in my eyes.

JohnInDebt

Definitely don't do anything silly!!!

The obvious choice is to sell your home and rent somewhere, at least this way you will be debt free and your partners "very decent salary" will seem even more decent. Imagine living debt free & not having any suicidal thoughts.... Surely that is enough motivation? You will feel like your life was given back to you.

Although paying the other mortgage for your horrible in laws so that they can live rent free is not the nicest thing to think about but you must also think of that property as your future, especially if you are going to sell up and rent somewhere. Don't just stop the payments in haste (although I'm sure it must be difficult not to) you must keep reminding yourself that it's your future that you're investing in.

Keep looking on the bright side, there are people with similar debts but don't have the equity you have available. It'll be a hard decision to sell the property but I think it's the only way that you're gonna get the debt sorted out and the sooner you do it the better!!

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.


John

Alleycat

I just want to come round your house and give you a big hug (and go and slap those selfish gits). I hope you are feeling a bit stronger now that you have posetd here. Keep coming back, there is usually a few of us around to have a natter. You WILL get through this and you WILL be stronger. Already you have managed through sooo much. Give your Pete a cuddle and show him this thread. Hopefully it will make him feel a bit stronger as well.

scottishspendaholic

Hi Jenn,

Thank you for posting - what a story.

I think you have been given excellent advice and support so far and second all the suggestions to do an SOA (statement of affairs) and to look into further legal advice and also to consider renting - this would allow you to be debt free apart from mortgage on P-I-L flat.

I know things are really tough for you just now, but the thing that struck me from your posts was that you and Pete seem really close - at least you are going through this together and love each other. Please try and take each day one at a time, and achieve things slowly. Count your blessings. I'm so glad to hear you are seeing the doctor about your knife thoughts and current depression.

This might be rock bottom for you and if so, I PROMISE - things will get better from now on. The only way is up and with support from the fantastic guys on here, you WILL get there. Keep posting.

I'll be thinking about you tonight.

scottishspendaholic x

HeavyHeart

You're all very kind, thanks so much. I do feel a little better having spoken to you all. I really do like the idea of renting. Im definitely going to look into that.

Unfortunately Pete is on a business trip in Denmark at the moment, and wont be home for 10 days. Im feeling very lost without him, and very insecure.

Im just trying to think how the rent thing would work. Basically the mortgage on the house we live in is around 380.00 a month. Rent here is very expensive, so we would probably be paying more than that in rent, but then we would have all the equity from the house to give to the credit card companies. We would still be paying 580.00 a month on that other flat that his parents are in, but then we would have a lot less bills to pay, because the equity from the house would have taken care of a huge chunk of them.

Am I think that through correctly?

Then once his parents move on to that great freeloaders paradise in the sky, we could sell that flat and hopefully buy ourselves somewhere to live.

I suppose this sounds like a good solution. Im just trying to get my head around it. If I hadnt logged on here tonight, I never would have thought of it, so my thanks go to each and every one of you. Im so grateful.

If Pete were here tonight, he would put his arm around me and tell me to stop being a silly old woman, for worrying so much. But then he would probably go out for a walk, just so that I dont see him crying. It can be a really hard life, as most of you know, and it does feel very warming that you are all here. Thank you once again

grex9101

Sorry to hear of your situation, it's truly horrible the way you've both been treated. Certainly, selling up and renting sounds like a good idea.
Also, have you tried to contact your credit card providers to come to an arrangement with them-they may reduce/suspend the interest on them or agree to take a reduced monthly payment from you whilst suspending further transactions on the cards. Also, if you have charges on the cards, you may be able to get these back-have a look at the banking boards for more info.
Sorry i can't advise anything else, it's a really horrible situation you're in. Best of luck, and don't do anything silly. There's plenty of nice folk on here for lots of support when you need it.