HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

chardonnay_2

hugs to you both and how evil your oh's parents sound. might be worth looking into the contract they got. so it's for them to live rent free for the rest of their lives - does it stipulate anything - are they allowed to change the locks etc. you should just turn up with keys and make their lives hell.

i take it the flat they live in belongs to you both and they have no claim to will it to anyone.

could you get an equity release loan on either flat?

selling your flat & renting does sound like a good solution - especially as their flat is still going up in value.

i find their behaviour very odd, after all they are 70+, who do they expect to care for them when it gets too much?

Sydney_2

I have read your post and just want to say that my heart goes out to you both. What an awful situation to find yourselves in, when you have been so generous to your partners parents. I just cannot understand their mentality. It is beyond comprehension, how anyone's parents can behave in such a selfish and cruel manner. What gives them the right to expect so much of you and their son?

Please don't do anything silly with that kitchen knife! Life will get better for you both one day.

Take care x

calleyw

HeavyHeart wrote:

Its a horrible thing to admit, but I do dream of receiving a call in the middle of the night to say that there's been a death (or two) in the family. I hate myself for saying that, but I cant help it.

I dont know what would happen if we stopped paying the mortgage on that flat. The mortgage is with First Direct, and so are all of our bank accounts (savings and current) and where our salaries are paid into. I guess we would have to have our salaries paid into a different bank before we could consider defaulting on the mortgage.

I do need some more legal advice on the 'rent free for life' thing. Im sure we got bad legal advice last time. There has to be a way out of it.

I just feel like crumbling tonight. Thank you all for being there.

I agree to getting some legal advice. I have the feeling the reasons you where told about a judge being on there side could be for the following reason.

1) There age
2) the fact that you have let them live there
3) squatters rights type thing.
4) they have not broken in

One other thing they are treating both of you like !!!!!!. And I reckon they are trying to get there son to see sense. By trying to split you up so there son will come running back. As there world was not upset until you came alone.

Fight back and rise above them. They are the sh1ts not you. You are better then they are. If you go the legal route do not tell them. Let the letter drop on there door mat. And if they try and contact you. Don't waste your breath on them.

Please don't crumble. Easier said then down when you think the world is caving in.

I would get new current accounts etc set up and move your money away from first direct. So don't go to HSBC as they are sister companies.

I wish you all the best. And please keep us informed of what happens. I would also suggest that you see a Dr about the suicidal thoughts. You need to talk to someone who is not part of the situation.

I wish you all the best.


Yours


Calley

HeavyHeart

I need to dig the contract out, but I dont think it says anything about selling. It just says that they can live rent free there until one or both decide to move out. They have no claim on the flat, they cant will it to anyone - however, whats to stop them claiming that they do/can, the way they did with the big house? We owned that 100% too, yet the legal people said that if we got an unsympathetic judge, then he could hand the house over to the parents. No idea how.

They arent allowed to change the locks as far as I know, and we are entitled to visit the flat once a year to inspect it. So far, neither of us have had the bottle to do that. They absolutely hate us, and all we ever did was ask them if they could possibly contribute so that we didnt go under. Instead of helping us avoiding us to go under, they made it their lifes work to assist us in going under. And so far, their mission in life is paying off.

Last night, I had a dream. A nightmare. I'll never forget it. I was living on an underground train in London. My whole life was spent sitting in one seat, just going from station to station, trying to look as if I wasnt a tramp. I just hope it wasnt a premonition.

HeavyHeart

Thanks Calley, in fact I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday morning. The thoughts are becoming too strong to ignore. Thanks again

claireiom

Lots of hugs coming both your and your partners way :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I think as others have said that it may be benefical to you to sell the property that you are in at the minute, release the equity and pay off some of the debts so that your monthly outgoings are reduced.

By the sounds of it, the agreement that you have had to make with your OHs parents is not going to allow you to do anything with that house, however you should seek further legal advice if you can to make sure that it can not be changed.

I know that you said that you would find it difficult to list what exactly you owe and I am sure that most of us on the site now exactly what you are talking about, but it can be beneficial to see who is getting what and then to do the snowball to maybe help you see what to do.

Please remember that there are always people here who can listen to you in times of need, who know the feeling of not knowing where the money is coming from and understand some of how you are feeling. Please if you have any thoughts of harming, come onto the site and we will all be there to help, I also agree with Calley about seeing the doctor, there are also the samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/ If you need someone to talk to they are always at the end of the phone.

Take care :grouphug: :grouphug:

tomstickland

They can change their number etc, but you still know where the flat is.
I'd go round there and speak to them.

Alleycat

Hey Jen, things will get better, honestly! You won't end up homeless, you just need to start dealing with things head on. You have made the first step by posting about your problems. You have two properties with a fair amount of equity in them. One of them can be sold to pay the debts. Okay so you won't have loads of cash left over, but there would be enough to set up again and you won't have all that debt hanging over your heads any longer.

You need to deal with things asap so the debts don't mount up too much more. Phone your creditors and ask them about freezing the interest rates. See if you can balance transfer any of the higher apr cards onto lower ones to reduce the monthly payments and interest building up. If you can post a list of income and outgoings we can see if we can help reduce things a bit, at least in the short term. Is there anyway Pete can take on a part-time job for a little while to bring in a bit more cash?

It will be scarey at first writing it all down, but once you have done it, it is amazing how much strength it can give you. You know you are tackling it and no longer keeping your heads in the sand. I still reckon that you should look at selling the flat his parents are in. Then you would not be tied to them at all and can move on with your lives. Whilst you are still financing them, there will still be an unbearable amount of tension and stress, but by tackling the situation, you can wipe the slate clean and start again.

calleyw

HeavyHeart wrote:

Thanks Calley, in fact I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday morning. The thoughts are becoming too strong to ignore. Thanks again

I am so glad to hear that.

As I said I just can't believe that his parents could treat him so badly.

In the end it is only money. And to be frank and it sounds very horrible. But one day they will be dead.

Please be as strong as possible.

I wish you both all the best.


Take care.


Yours


Calley

HeavyHeart

Thanks Calley You're right.

Alleycat - wrt Pete taking on a second job, unfortunately he also isnt the worlds healthiest man. He has a disability which makes walking fairly difficult. As it is now, he does have a well-paid job, but he commutes two hours each way, each day, to get to his office (by train), and he and I both feel that taking on any extra work would be very bad for his health.

I try to do some work from home when I'm able to. I sell any unneeded/unwanted belongings on eBay, but obviously this doesnt bring in very much. I have spoken to my doctor about me returning to work, but even part time is very much against medical advice. I loved my job, I'd kill to go back to my company, but it just doesnt seem as if its on the cards for me.

I promise to try to write all our outgoing/incomings down, and I will post them here. Give me a little time. It really does terrify me, and I have to be having a 'really good day' in order to do it. Im scared of the consequences otherwise.

I really like the idea of selling our house and renting somewhere to live. I dont know how to go about it as I have never rented, but have nothing at all against it. When his parents do 'pop their clogs', that flat (and the equity) will come to us and hopefully we could then buy somewhere new for us to live in, and in the meantime I have no problem selling up and renting. Id be happy to give every available penny to any credit card company I owe money to.