HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

tesuhoha

mitthoy wrote:

Hi,
It sounds a terrible story and I am really sorry for you.
However, I wonder how this story looks from his parents side of things, they had a son who had lived with them for longer than most children, they sold him the house, possibly at a discount to help avoid inheritance tax? and then later on his new girlfriend asks for them to start paying rent.
They may have never thought he would find a partner and so the orignal arrangement suited both him and his parents?
I'm not so sure they are as evil as they are being painted and we dont know the other side of the story.
Sorry - not trying to enflame things, but theres always two sides and to get resolution, it can help to try and look at where they are coming from, especially as the law is on their side...wonder if thats for a reason?
Hope it all works out for you though.

Jen pointed out in a previous post that Pete bought the house from his parents at the full asking price.

niceshoes_2

mitthoy wrote:

Hi,
It sounds a terrible story and I am really sorry for you.
However, I wonder how this story looks from his parents side of things, they had a son who had lived with them for longer than most children, they sold him the house, possibly at a discount to help avoid inheritance tax? and then later on his new girlfriend asks for them to start paying rent.
They may have never thought he would find a partner and so the orignal arrangement suited both him and his parents?
I'm not so sure they are as evil as they are being painted and we dont know the other side of the story.
Sorry - not trying to enflame things, but theres always two sides and to get resolution, it can help to try and look at where they are coming from, especially as the law is on their side...wonder if thats for a reason?
Hope it all works out for you though.

Clearly the arrangement that Pete had with his parents worked for all of them for many years and if I am looking at this situation properly, the parents have not paid rent or a mortgage for years - which was fine as Pete could clearly afford it whilst he lived at home. Surely, (if you were in the parents position) you wouldn't expect to be able to live rent free for the rest of your life. That is incredibly naive of anyone to think that.

The issue that I see here is not that Pete and Jen pay out the mortgage on the parents flat, but the fact that they can no longer afford to maintain both mortgages and live to a standard of life that is considered adequate.

I think that the parents refusal to contribute is incredibly selfish and shows the parents for what they really are. If I found myself in this situation then I would be insisting that I help towards the cost of the mortgage, without thinking twice, even if I was on a limited income.

Yes, they might be on a pension and have a small income, but anything would help - something which they are clearly not willing to do. I think that if they can afford holidays away and golfing days etc, then they can afford to pay a bit of rent. What happended the money they made when they sold Pete the first house - do they still have it I wonder?

If they really can't afford a contribution to the rent, why don't they consider moving to a cheaper place, put their names of the housing list, rent privately and claim housing benefits, move in with friends, move in with other family etc - there are other things that they could do to help but seem to be unwilling to even consider it.


Fair enough the arrangements have changed slightly, but circumstances have also changed and I would have thought that they would have been pleased that their son has found a nice partner and is now in a realtionship - not alone and miserable.

And the fact that they no longer speak to Pete (despite him paying for their home) and have sod all to do with them, also highlights the fact that they are really not very nice people.

So yes, there are 3 versions to every story - Jen & Pete's side, the parents side and then the truth, but the facts on this speak for themselves, the parents are selfish, miserable and cantakerous old !!!!!!s who clearly don't appreciate the fact that they have lived rent free for so many years and who continue to do so, even if it means that your son loses everything he's got.
Hardly puts them in the running for the worlds best parents award.

halloweenqueen_2

If memory serves me correctly they were being asked for £12.50 a week 9£50 a month).
I don't feel Pete would be the type of person to try and do his parents out of money.
Although we are getting one side of the story i think the fact the parents insisted it all went to solicitors, demanding a flat on their terms and don't speak to them does speak volumes.
If they sold it for the full market value they did Pete no favours and they also had the use of it.

HeavyHeart

Hi everyone

Just a quick note. I'm feeling VERY low today, and dont feel that I can string two words together, let alone a whole post. I am dropping in to read everything that you are all writing. I'm incredibly touched.

I will try to write more this evening if thats ok.

Thanks to all
Jen.

p.s. re the question of culture, I'm not too sure what you mean as that could also mean a persons outlook on a situation (and obviously we have a different outlook to theirs) but if you mean background/ethnicity, yes we are all the same, British born and bred, no foreign or exotic blood. From that point of view, we all have the same background.

Thanks again everyone. Words cant say 'thanks' big enough.

Spendalot_2

I apologise for last nights comment, it was not intended to be hurtful in any way and just came accross the wrong way. I feel for your situation and wanted to expand, but my point never came across how it was intended.

elona

Jen

Big hug and make sure you pop in for virtual company and support.

When does Pete get back - maybe you can have a look on this thread together and decide what makes emotional and financial sense for you both.

aliasojo

HeavyHeart wrote:

p.s. re the question of culture, I'm not too sure what you mean as that could also mean a persons outlook on a situation (and obviously we have a different outlook to theirs) but if you mean background/ethnicity, yes we are all the same, British born and bred, no foreign or exotic blood. From that point of view, we all have the same background.

Thanks HH...yes I was referring more to ethnic culture. I remember reading a thread quite some time ago about a family who had issues and ways of working that I and many others found unbelievable but were the norm for their culture and were expected. (If memory serves me..they were Indian?)

Anyway, given that Pete's parents were acting so selfishly, I wondered if there was any kind of ethnic traditions that made them act in such a way as their behaviour goes against what most of us Westerners would class as the norm.

I feel for you. I do think this is a classic situation where blood ties should not be taken into consideration and people and circumstances should be treated on merit.

I still struggle to understand this part of your OP.....

Again, to cut a long story short, Pete's parents then claimed that because they lived in the house, they 'owned it' (although the legal deeds said something very different), and our solicitor told us that if we went ahead with legal action, and if we got an unsympathic judge, not only would we lose our case, but we'd be faced with up to £20,000 court costs.....

and I wonder whether you have either been badly advised or if there was some mix-up in communication which in turn lead to misunderstanding?

I know money is tight, but I would definately be seeking more legal advice if it were me. Obviously with a different solicitor. It would stick in my craw to continue to support two uncaring selfish individuals (individuals that are supposed to want the best for their offspring!) and if there was nothing that could be done legally, then I would cheerfully go bankrupt and deal with the ensuing aftermath rather than spend one penny more on their comfort.

Chin up. (Had you thought about getting a couple of vooddoo dolls? )

Sorry.....not serious, just trying to lighten things a little.

chrissiewants2save

I haven't been able to read all posts but I get the jist of it, I also have a little land law knowledge.

Firstly my heart and lots of love and best wishes go out to you both.

Family- it's the worst fallouts that you can have (as you know). If anyone is thinking of doing some family business with land then always have completely different solicitors (preferably in different firms-cost outweighs the problems) looking after your own interests. Did you use the same solicitor in the first place when you bought them the flat- is that not a conflict of interests on behalf of the solicitor? you could check this out with the law Society. Trusts of land can arise unknowlingly and they are a bit of a minefield even to the courts which is why it can cost a lot of money.

Is the Contract solely realting to that flat or could it change to a different flat (i.e. could make them downsize)

Reduce debts- I see someone has suggested you sell and rent. If this would pay off all your bills it would be worth looking at assuming if debt free you could afford to rent, start again with a clean sheet.

Light at the end- one day you should have access to the money tied up in the flat so even if you carry on renting you will get something back later.

Accept my apologies if I haven't got the full facts. Best wishes

nearlyrich

Spendalot wrote:

I apologise for last nights comment, it was not intended to be hurtful in any way and just came accross the wrong way. I feel for your situation and wanted to expand, but my point never came across how it was intended.

Well done Spendalot :T for being big enough to post again and for the appology, in this kind of situation it is easy to post what seems like a reasonable comment but it can be taken in a different way by people who have a different view.

That's why I love this board you are all such lovely people.

aliwatts

HeavyHeart wrote:

Hi everyone

Just a quick note. I'm feeling VERY low today, and dont feel that I can string two words together, let alone a whole post. I am dropping in to read everything that you are all writing. I'm incredibly touched.

I will try to write more this evening if thats ok.

Thanks to all
Jen.

.

Hi Jen,

Have read through all the posts on here and can only hope, being a parent myself, that there are no other parentss like Pete's out there and how you have stayed sane, i don't know.

hope you are Ok and my thoughts are with you, bigs hugs from me too.