HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

dippy-dora_2

hI, SORRY TO READ ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.

i WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANY OTHER FAMILY THAT COULD ACT AS A GO BETWEEN TO TRY AGAIN TO TALK TO pETE'S PARENTS.
MAYBE AN aUNT OR DOES HE HAVE ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS?

southernscouser

By the way HH, if and when you feel up to it have a look at this thread for a guide for a SOA!

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

scheming_gypsy

HeavyHeart wrote:

I believe the agreement says that they can live, rent free and without interference, for life. Meaning we cant move in or get on their nerves. Or send a mafia hit man around to shoot them in the knee caps

Not that I know any mafia hit men.

i've not read all 10 pages to see if anybody has asked this, but what would happen to that contract if you and Pete got divorced?

sallyjo_2

Dear Jen/HeavyHeart,

What an awful story. We have all been there re the credit cards! They are a blight of modern society.

I am inclined to think that the advice to sell your place and rent is the best. If it clears your debt, and you still a reasonably healthy credit rating you've won. Renting for a year or more might also give you and Pete a chance to catch your breath without the burden of property ownership for a while, and give you the opportunity of embracing new experiences, holiday destinations, maybe even buy a property abroad instead as an investment/holiday home.

Re Pete's parents as sitting tenants problem. This is surely a cancer in your life, best cut out if at all possible. I hesitate to advise anyone to treat older or vulnerable people in an awful way, but you have been very responsible toward them and they have treated your kindness with contempt. You have done your bit for them and their tenancy is protected. It might now be worth considering if you can sell it on with them in it, so you can move on with your lives. It is not uncommon for people to buy property with sitting tenants in it. A friend of mine has bought property at auction that way, she bought it for the eventual investment/resale value. I'm no expert, but with your fair amount of equity, I think you could sell it for enough to pay off the mortgage on it and get a return as well, though the price you sell at might end up yielding considerably less than its worth. Speak to a solicitor for advice and perhaps an estate agent who deals with property auctions to assess the idea. Perhaps they might even get Nicholas Van Hoogstraten as their new landlord. <<cruel suggestion, shame on me! >>

At the end of the day, you are alive -you have each other -you have your health-and you have friends here. You did the right thing re his parents, but now you have to do the right thing for yourselves. Take care.

new_leaf_6

Dear HH (Jen)
I've read your post all the way through and a couple of the following ones too. I haven't read all the middle ones so I'm sorry if I'm repeating what others have said.
I think you'll have to sell your house and clear as many of your debts as you can. You could rent till you get yourselves sorted out moneywise. Make sure it's not near where Pete's parents live or the knife could be too tempting!
Once you've got settled into leading a normal life without the debt worry you'll have a peace of mind that you've not had for years. It doesn't matter that you'll be in rented accommodation because you WILL get the flat back sooner than later and then you can decide whether you want to buy again.
Something led you to MSE so keep posting and reading. There's a lot of good people here and the positive vibes are flying to you as I type this - from me and all the others. I'm glad you're here. Stay with us.

tummy_tank

Wow, people here are so supportive. keep reading the messages to give you support and faith that all will come good in the end. Two words of wisdom from me only ... ARSENIC and KARMA!

Emmzi

HH,

I suspect you aren't the person we need to talk to. Until Pete is prepared to make a stand against his parents, nothing much will change. Does that sound right?

If he ever is ready, speak to a solicitor about selling the parents property with a liferent. This can be done, although it can take longer to get a sale. It basicall protects their right to live in the house until death.

My gut tells me your husband will do nothing until his parents pass away. In which case, your decision is simply whether to sit it out with him.

I wish you luck.

Emmzi.

Little_Miss_Winner

Morning Jen,

How are you feeling this morning.................have you spoken to Pete since, and how is your soa looking?

Be back later,
Loads of hugs
pot
xx

wisbech_lad

Wow. I thought stuff like this only happened in bad US soap operas.

I would suggest going to talk to CCB about bankruptcy - and the implications as you have two properties. Normally, you can't be kicked out of your home. But the second property - (in which your parents are in) might be able to be repossessed by the bank to clear your debts?

Then it is the Big Nasty Bank evicting your parents, not your husband. May reduce his guilt somewhat.

To be really sneaky - remortgage their place to pay off ALL the mortgage on your place, making sure their is no cross default on the two places (i.e. that your residence isn't collateral for the loan on their place) Then give the keys to the bank and tell them his parents are now their problem.

But first go see the CCB. This is obviously an extra- ordinary case, and proper advice is needed.

Ember999

I've been thinking about this thread a lot since I started reading it and I have decided what I would do in this situation. When all options result in things going pear shaped and you haven't anything to lose, which it appears you don't as your hands are tied, the debt is so big it can't possibly be paid without losing you home anyway (ie: to rent) then I would sell the house you both live in and pay off all the debts and rent a home. I would also stop paying immediately the mortgage on the house the sponging parents live in and let them reposess it! That will sort them out! When they find themselves homeless then they will decide to dip their hands in their pockets and spend some of their own money rather than living off you and detroying your lives. I suspect they have a small fortune stashed away as most spongers/meanies seem to often do. As you see from my signature, I am a great believer in Karma, what you send out comes back to thee - thricefold! It is time Karma got a helping hand and visited their door. You can stop this situation immediately, just stop paying and stop paying now! Change your phone number so that they cannot phone you, stop all contact with them and if Pete doesn't agree....well.....my opinion would be that he is putting them above you and to me that would mean that he has to go also. Sometimes in life you have to treat people as they treat you. There are no options left. The meek do not inherit the earth, the strong do. Weak people are walked on all through their lives and rarely have happy, sucessful lives. They allow others to manipulate them. Things only happen if you allow them to. Grit your teeth, harden your heart and do something about it hon. Get rid of the spongers once and for all.
Regards the seriousness of the debt, stop trying to pay it all, you can't, it's gone beyond that. Look after your health first, ensure you eat properly and try to stop worrying. I would stop paying it all, let them lose their home and fight my way out of this situation and let them fend for themselves. If my husbands mother had ever spoken to me like they do to you, they would have been history immediately! No questions, they would have been dumped and if he had allowed it and condoned it, I would have a different husband. May sound hard, but you get nowhere in this world if you allow others to walk all over you, you don't even get their respect, no one respects a martyr. Stand up and fight back. Get these spongers off your back, once and for all then you can get on with your life.

Ember xx