HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

HeavyHeart

tesuhoha wrote:

I apologise if I hurt your feelings but at least I got a response from you because we were all getting worried. My husband is 56 and we are feeling pretty desperate too because of his age and because we have to get ourselves sorted out by then as there is not much time. Also his job is pretty hard for him at his age. I wasnt so much talking about your spending as the decision to keep Pete's parents in the flat. But then I suppose I can hardly criticise when i dont know all the details and if you felt there was no other option.

No, you didnt hurt my feelings at all, dont worry Thanks for your concern. Obviously its very difficult for any of us to know the full ins and outs of a situation, we can only read other people's messages and hope that we can give some good advice.

I think that a big problem here is Pete's mum. You see, from the time Pete was born until he was almost 50, he was living at home. It was very easy for all of them. His mum would cook the dinners and do the housework. Pete's father basically sat and read the newspaper all day. Pete went out and earned the money to pay for the house.

I think that when Pete met me, although I got on famously with the In Laws, there must have been some type of feeling within his parents, which made them realise that life was about to change, and perhaps that scared them and made them take drastic action.

I realise that we dont live in an ideal world. If only we did. But even in a non-ideal world, parents dont tell their children, point blank, that they would rather die than pay their own way. They dont tell their son that before they pay a penny, they would be happy to see him live in a cardboard box.

Sometimes we all say things in the heat of the moment and then regret them afterwards, and we try to put them right. But Pete's parents said those things nearly 5 years ago now, and to this day, they continue their goal in life, which is to live rent free while knowing for sure that we are suffering. Although we have no contact with them, or rather them with us (we have tried to keep in touch because no matter what, they are his parents), they received from us a full financial breakdown, detailing our incomings and outgoings at that time, and even a 5 year old would have seen very clearly that by paying the mortgage on their flat (or rather, our flat that they live in), we would be bankrupt in a matter of no time at all.

As it happens, Pete and I have done just about all that we can to keep our heads above water. When I tell you that during the deepest and darkest months of winter, we had no heating turned on, and that we both sat together, huddled in a duvet, with only one tealight candle for illumination, then thats really what happened. On many, many nights.

In this day and age, that type of life is unacceptable, no matter what our incomes, no matter what our backgrounds, no matter of anything. Everyone should be entitled to a basic standard of living, and not to be (pardon my language) sc.rewed by people who are your closest family.

I felt humbled this morning. After last night, with me searching for a few pennies to buy myself a Coca Cola, I did in fact find a £1.00 coin in a jacket pocket. There are no small shops near to where I live, so I would have had to drive to the local petrol station to buy one can of drink.

But around an hour or so ago, there was a knock on my door, and it was two young children and a mother, collecting whatever they could collect from people because their school is trying to buy two new computers.

I figured I could live without the Coca Cola so I gave them my £1.00 coin.

Everything is relative in life. What means a lot to me might mean nothing to the next person. And I can live without my drink. Perhaps that £1.00 will help get those kids their computer, and perhaps the things they learn on that computer will help them have a better life than many of us have. Who knows.

All I know is that our monthly bills are around 50% more than our monthly incomings, and it terrifies me. The only real luxury we allow ourselves is an internet connection (dirt cheap dial up) and our 10 year old laptop. This is how I keep in touch with people, because I dare not use the phone except in an emergency.

Believe me, I know that there are people here who have literally nothing. Hardly any income, and are struggling as much and more than me and Pete are, and my heart goes out to absolutely everyone who is in need.

But for me to log on here and pretend that we have a tiny income would make everything a falsity. For me (or anyone) to get lots of different types of input from the great people on this site, the information that I give, and that others give, must be genuine and honest. If it isnt, then there is no point in posting.

I have to be honest though. Over the past 12 hours, I have felt a million different emotions, from terror to laughter (because of some of the things people here have said) and I'm eternally grateful for every word that every person has written.

To some, I might well sound like a bored middle-class housewife with less than important problems. I realise that it could sound that way.

But regardless of income or the silly spending that Pete and I have done, we are so deep in financial problems that we constantly think of ending our lives.

No matter what a person's situation is, when people truly think of suicide - and think of it in a very serious way - then the situation is dire. And thats what the vast majority of us have in common.

I can only tell you that this morning, I feel a little safer because I feel as if you are all here with me.

Thanks again
Jennifer.

bonnie_2

its money sweetheart do yourself a favour and go bankrupt if his parents lose their house then tough they are older ebough to look after themselves.
you cannot go on like this put yourselves first.

southernscouser

Wow what a post! I haven't read through all the replies coz I've only just woken up , but don't feel guilty about having thoughts of the popping their clogs, I've got my fingers crossed too!

I know people suggested you selling the place you are living in but didn't see what the response to this was. Is it something you would consider? At least then you will be debt free. Then you could rent or maybe get a smaller mortgage you could afford knowing that in 10 years or so you have the other place which could then clear the new mortgage when (and hopefully soon) it becomes vacant!

HeavyHeart

bonnie wrote:

its money sweetheart do yourself a favour and go bankrupt if his parents lose their house then tough they are older ebough to look after themselves.
you cannot go on like this put yourselves first.

Well this morning I have logged on to a couple of property websites. The mortgage that we pay on our own property at the moment is around £380 per month. Rental properties (smaller than we have now, both studio and 1 bedroom) are around £600-750 per month.

I dont mind that, because we have so much equity in the house that once we pay off the vast majority of our cards, we will be able to afford the extra in rent.

I have to go out for a little while now, but dont worry I will leave the kitchen knife where it belongs. My next-door neighbour has a child with Downs Syndrome. The cutest child you could ever wish to see. Every Sunday, no matter what happens, I take him for a walk in the park and it really cheers us both up, and it gives his mother a couple of hours to do other chores. So I am vanishing for a little while but I promise to pop back here later on.

By the way, could I just say that anyone who wants to challenge my ways of thinking, or has totally different views from me, I'd love to hear those views too. Every input is great, and sometimes you need to hear what other people believe to be the cold, hard facts. So although I realise that I am on very shaky emotional ground, I'm more than willing to hear what everyone has to say. Its all appreciated, especially when I realise that most of you also have your own issues that are upsetting you.

Thanks once again, I will see you after I have been to the park.

Love, Jennifer.

elona

I agree with bonnie and the other poster who suggested you threaten them that you will go bankrupt and then the house will have to be sold.


Big hug - you both sound like decent caring people who do not deserve this.

I have a strong feeling that once you start asking questions of financial experts or lawyers (free of charge) that things will start to clear.
The very best of luck and please do not do anything to harm yourself - then MIL really will have won and Pete will be devastated.

Little_Miss_Winner

Big Hugs to you both, just read every post, and now don't have time for a long answer, on my way out and late.

Will be back this evening but will have a think about your situation, you have received very, very good advice so far.

Just wanted to offer my support, you will win this, back later

love
pot
xx

tesuhoha

I feel really bad now that I said the things I did. No one should have to live the way you have been. If someone brings a child into the world then it is their responsibility to raise that person and they are not owed anything by that child when it reaches adulthood. I think without any delay you should see a good solicitor to see if there is anything at all that can be done. Otherwise, there doesnt seem to be any other option but to sell your house.

odLott

What an unfortunate situation to be in. Your partner becoming a victim of his own generosity.

Well, bearing in mind that I am no lawyer, you might want to take whatever I say with a pinch of salt, but the way I see it, since you own both houses, your inlaws are nothing else than tenants. There might be a tenancy contract stating that they can live there rent free, but tenancy agreements are not set in stone. I have even doubts about the actual validity of the contract itself. Is it reasonable to expect to live rent free in exchange of leaving a house that is not yours to begin with?

What I'm trying to say is before you do anything else, you should ascertain what your legal position is in all this because it has simply come to that.

I do not think bankruptcy is an option in your case as suggested by other poster simply because you do have more assets than debts.

Hope this helps at all.

tina68

well it just goes to show that we all think we've got problems but somewhere else theres always someone worse off than yourself...i have been following this thread from the start and now we know they have dial up so can stop panicking a wee bit about where HH is..
Huggs and xxx
Tina x

Broken_hearted

Hugs honey I wouldn't let anyone treat me like that if anything I still sponge off my parents, but they expect it and love to still be needed. Parents should support their children not be supported by them.