HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

bonnie_2

i strongly suggest bankruptcy to clear your debts ok you would lose the properties but you could get your own back on his parents.

Pobby

Hi hun,big hugs.I have read your thread and my heart goes out to you.I have nothing to add to what has already been said by these loverly people who have replied to you.

Just wanted to say you and Pete are in my thoughts.xx

tesuhoha

I have been having a think about this and what I say may seem a little harsh. I, like you, have screwed up my life in a massive way due to some rather foolish decisions I have made. I often feel sorry for myself and depressed and I come on here and it is lovely to get all the sympathy from these nice people but at the end of the day, in spite of my debt, I realise that I am in a privileged position because my OH earns a lot of money and we will ultimately be able to pay it back. I have been humbled by reading some of the posts on this site, people who do not have any money at all, people who have no hope of paying off their debts for years and years. Really poor people. I think that you too are in a privileged position in that your OH earns a high salary and you own two properties. Even if it works out that you have to sell your house, you might have to wait but eventually you will have the parents' flat when they die. When my father died, all I got was the bill to bury him. Our parents are all dead now, uncles and aunts, there is no one left and I didnt get anything but I'm still far better off than a lot of other people. Basically what I am saying is that I am like you and our money problems are of our own making. Some of the people who are giving you advice and feeling sorry for you have far less than you. Some have nothing. Pete's parents must have started buying that house and initially put something towards it. Please read some of the stories and realise that you are better off than a lot of other people. Perhaps that will make you feel better about your situation.

HeavyHeart

tesuhoha wrote:

I have been having a think about this and what I say may seem a little harsh. I, like you, have screwed up my life in a massive way due to some rather foolish decisions I have made. I often feel sorry for myself and depressed and I come on here and it is lovely to get all the sympathy from these nice people but at the end of the day, in spite of my debt, I realise that I am in a privileged position because my OH earns a lot of money and we will ultimately be able to pay it back. I have been humbled by reading some of the posts on this site, people who do not have any money at all, people who have no hope of paying off their debts for years and years. Really poor people. I think that you too are in a privileged position in that your OH earns a high salary and you own two properties. Even if it works out that you have to sell your house, you might have to wait but eventually you will have the parents' flat when they die. When my father died, all I got was the bill to bury him. Our parents are all dead now, uncles and aunts, there is no one left and I didnt get anything but I'm still far better off than a lot of other people. Basically what I am saying is that I am like you and our money problems are of our own making. Some of the people who are giving you advice and feeling sorry for you have far less than you. Some have nothing. Pete's parents must have started buying that house and initially put something towards it. Please read some of the stories and realise that you are better off than a lot of other people. Perhaps that will make you feel better about your situation.

Good morning everyone

First let me say thanks to everyone once again, its been great to read your replies this morning.

To Tesuoha. I have acknowledged in my initial writings that a lot of the spending we did was foolish and unnecessary. And of course I realise that there are people a million times worse off. Pete's parents, in fact, did not start to buy that house, and in fact they put not one single penny towards it. Pete bought the house with his money, he took out a mortgage, and he let them live with him. He never asked them for a penny while he was living with them, because he didnt need to. He had one house, and therefore one mortgage.

But as life changes (as it does for all of us), he met me, and we decided to have a life of our own. And that meant us having our own home. And that meant that Pete then had two mortgages hanging over his head. Nobody should be penalised for wanting to live their own life. Pete's parents have money, there should be no reason why they would be intent on seeing him in financial hardship.

You say that although we might be in financial hardship, we will still have that flat when his parents die. Well, yes, thats right we will. And I've said that myself several times too. Thats hardly breaking news.

The point of the matter is very simple. As of this moment in time, our finances are on such dangerous ground that we cant afford the food we are buying to survive. Everything is relative - Pete does earn a good salary, but every single penny of it is going on two things; firstly, to pay for some silly things that we have bought in our lives (which I have already held my hands up to) and secondly, to subsidise the lives of people who should be paying their own way in life.

You might be secure in the knowledge that you will be able to pay off your debts, and I feel happy for you. Pete and I, on the other hand, will not be able to. He has a mandatory retirement age of 60 from his job, which is in less than five years time. So in less than five years time, his good salary comes to an end. And yes, I am sure he will then seek part time employment in a supermarket or elsewhere. But that just means that his income will be a fraction of what it is now, by which time the interest charged on our credit cards will have made the balances go sky high. If I could work, believe me I would. I would kill to get back to work.

As far as I have seen from this site, it isnt intended to be used by just one type of money-lacking person. Not only those on tiny incomes with financial problems can use it. Even if mine and Pete's joint income was £27,000,000 a week, if our outgoings were £31,000,000 a week, we'd still be in financial !!!!!!, and therefore I'd still be entitled to use this site.

Everything is relative.

But thank you for your input, every piece of input is welcome and very much appreciated.

Jen x

Marsh_Samphire

What a sad story, how awful those parents are, why on earth should they live rent free while you are struggling. Even though they are in their 70's they could last another 20+ years and what will happen when they need nursing or other care? Will they try and use the flat to fund their care by getting involved with one of those equity release schemes? My Dad tried to do this when Mum filed for divorce, even though the house was in joint names and she only found out when the company rang up to make an appointment to value their house. It sounds harsh, but I would stop paying the mortgage on it and concentrate on sorting your debts out.

tesuhoha

I apologise if I hurt your feelings but at least I got a response from you because we were all getting worried. My husband is 56 and we are feeling pretty desperate too because of his age and because we have to get ourselves sorted out by then as there is not much time. Also his job is pretty hard for him at his age. I wasnt so much talking about your spending as the decision to keep Pete's parents in the flat. But then I suppose I can hardly criticise when i dont know all the details and if you felt there was no other option.

tesuhoha

I can understand that you must be feeling pretty panicky about your situation right now. No, I dont think you should be penalised for wanting a life together. I do feel very sorry for you because I think although time is running out for us too, that we are in a more fortunate position. I wish I could suggest something but I think its all been said. Once again I apologise as Pete has been very badly treated by his parents. I wish you happiness and hope you can sort it out soon for your own peace of mind.

JAMIEDODGER

heavy heart, glad to see you back on this morning, are you feeling any better?

tesuhoha

Im still thinking about this. I dont know how much equity youve got but could you not sell your present place, pay off your debts and then perhaps with the remainder, buy yourself a little flat or something to live in? You can buy property at auctions much cheaper than in the normal way. If you could buy somewhere outright at the bottom end of the market, then you would only have to worry about paying the mortgage on the flat.

Kevicho

I have read through the first couple of pages of this thread, and will read the rest after i post this, but wanted to suggest a few things.

Firstly i feel for you in this situation, you and your partner sound like such decent folk and the fact your husband has let his parents live with him so many years means that he is obviously a caring man.
Also if they ever bring up the argument that they cared for him as a kid, well rub it in there face that he has taken care of them for at least twice as long.

With regards the contract, i would seriously have this checked out for any loopholes, get them out of there whatever the cost.

Although with talk of hitmen i stress, keep it all legal, they may not be long on this planet anyways, any death would be beyond suspicious, you need to play them at there own game.

One thing i thought of straight away when i looked at your debt amount was bankruptcy.

Or at least the threat of it.

Now if you say that you are going bankrupt then there den of spite will have to be sold, do you get the idea?

If this happens then they will have to pay for somewhere to live, or indeed fund that flat themselves, that way you can say you are x amount short each month and this is the amount they WILL have to pay to keep the roof over their head.

These people sound like really nasty b^^^^^^rds so play them at there own game, if they have money to pay for the flat then they should pay.

I think you have both been blackmailed emotionally too much, maybe if you had looked into info on getting rid of squatters then you may have been able to get in and change the locks before, either way whats done is done.

In closing, forget suicide, no one in this life is worth getting upset about, your concsience is clean, they will get their communpance