Wol's Riverbank tales: Part 3 Restoration

Wol2

Hi everyone:wave::wave:

You're right Shaun Hun - it;s a BIG post - and was (still is) meant with fervour...but maybe i was premature or tempting fate - who knows (insert confused smiley)

I had really intended the next few posts to reply to all you lovely people who have posted :T:A..and reply with postive stuff :T (there has actually been some this week )

Unfortunately tonight is blacker than black ....and I need to get this out....so beware rant in progress :eek:

Unfortunately the friend died (peacefully with family) on monday night at the far end of the country . The ex flew up to be a major contributor in the funeral and bless them have kept me posted at all times by text. I had sent a card/letter to the people concerned that was read out last night to everyone :eek: (not intended but was apparently well -received :cool:) ...so I participated in a kind of "virtual" wake yesterday.:beer:.and am really questioning why I didn;t go as maybe it would have been better than staying down here.

I decided not to go because
a) I only knew her through my ex - and the last time I was up there (at the son;s wedding celebrations when the ex was best man) it was such happy memories of what "might have been" with the ex and I was concerned about the "knock-on" effect if i went up now
b) the journey time/location etc meant I couldn;t leave the pigs for three days

This has Soooooo completely reactivated a load of stuff from Oct 07 when me and the ex split up....and I KNOW I am not coping well

Nevertheless - my committment to my diary, and the goals I set therein, is (I recognise) very very important for me atm (and tbh - is the only thing that keeps me hanging on with both fingernails.) :cool:

So ...we are coming up to the end of January. Good stuff HAS happened (like tax sorted, and other stuff).....even today. (just put all ingredients festering in fridge into a chicken stew :rotfl::rotfl:) Tomoz I WILL (MUST) clear up the work stuff and invoice (should've done that today but now 14 hour stint tomoz).

Things I haven;t managed to achieve this last week (not for want of trying) include appointment with GP (it's like the lottery - got to try again monday :rotfl::rotfl:), getting piggies in for dentals, (again more stonewalling), replying to all loverly people on this thread (case of getting head straight) , and finally progress with Ombudsman (no return of phone calls despite leaving messages...bureaucracy strikes again :wall::wall::wall:)

Tomorrow:
a) I WILL do work stuff so can invoice and close off month
b) toss off letter to Ombudsman Adjudcator with complaint about length of time - now 5 months with no progress...and i am suffering financial hardship etc etc so should have had my case prioritised
c) try again to book piggies in for dentals

Going forwards - increase counselling sessions to twice a week temporarily in view of what' s going on atm. It's not just the reactivated stuff with the ex (which is BIG in itself) - it;s also about the family's "dramatic" response to the member who has been diagnosed with the big C....last week's session got nowehere near even a "holding" scenario to cope untill the nex one cos there's too much going on

I can;t help comparing (or rather contrasting) hwat's happening now to the time when I personally was "under investigation" for a brain tumour 10 years ago...(which luckily turned out to be benign providing I "keep taking the tablets")...but then maybe the reason for the lack of concern all those years ago (compared to what's going on now with the other family member) is because I had not delivered the "required grandchildren" to the family and since that time I have always been "somewhat on the periphery" . OK Yes - there is a problem for me (? or maybe my family?) here in terms of my "failure" to provide the next generation and therefore how i am regarded.......I really need to work it out so can cope with this constructively going forwards

Having said that...Why am I the only family member who thinks that the fact it was caught early in the person concerned, and so the prognosis is really good, is cause to be really positive? I am so grateful that this was discovered early and there is a very good chance of a full recovery. But everyone else is still intent on the "doomsday woe is me" scenario and how terrible and gutting it all is that this person has been struck down. So I'm finding it really difficult trying to support my parents expecially. Because I don;t understand why they are still wearing hair shirts etc.

People get cancer...lke I did.....you can;t control that. The fact that in this case it has been discovered early and that these days there is an exceptional chance of complete recovery for this particular situation is surely something to be postive (and indeed grateful) about (insert banned confused smiley). So why all the doom and gloom? I don;t see how this is helping the individual concerned (insert more banned confused smileys) After all - look at my friend - diagnosed the week before Christmas and dead 4 weeks later :eek:

Sorry - but needed to rant

I have a big plan for Feb (which I intend to keep to) but will post that at the end of Jan.;)

Thanx for bearing with me tonight peepies.....I am determined to set (realistic) goals each week on here no matter what......and achieve them "come hell or high water". This diary is becoming extremely important to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Wish I didn't feel so bloomin' carp tonight..and it;s not helped that there is no confused smiley anymore to litter my post with :rotfl::rotfl:

Hope you are all doing well - have lurked a bit....BOB - brill news: Penguin - can;t wait 4 weeks :rotfl::rotfl:Horace - as and when re the towels Hun (thank you :kisses3:)

Hopefuly will be post more upbeat stuff tomoz

xxx

Nargleblast

You have had a lot on your plate recently, Wol, so I think you should give yourself permission to relax and chill out a bit. In some ways it's a pity you didn't go to that funeral, as a few ghosts would also have been laid to rest (as in the ghosts of your past relationship - you might have seen your ex and thought "whatever did I see in that person? Thank God I'm out of there!"). As far as your family's ways of coping with illness - people have different coping mechanisms. You say you had a scare some time ago yourself, something that turned out to be benign. Well, because of that, you now have insight into such matters, and your insight tells you that indeed, some things caught in the early stages can be sorted. Maybe your family don't have that insight yet. Fingers crossed that all will be well with your relative. Can't do anything about your late friend, though, but perhaps a sudden decline and death was a blessing, certainly better than something long and drawn out and miserable. My mother died many years ago of lung cancer. She had been ill for ages, and she died only a week after I found out the diagnosis. I still ask myself whether other members of the family knew before then but for some reason chose not to tell me? Anyway, water under the bridge now. The future lies ahead, Wol, and if you maintain your recent determined and upbeat stance it can only be better and brighter than your past. Hold on to that thought. Anyway, day to day stuff still has to be done, after all, there's nothing like clearing up piggie sh*t to bring you back to reality!

taxi73

Sorry to hear about all the turmoil going on in your life at the moment.
So sorry about the loss of your friend especially as it was so sudden in the end and that along with the thoughts for your friend were all muddled together with the feelings for your ex.What a set of emotions...hugs.
Along with the family member having cancer and your own illness ...I think increasing the councilling is a good idea to give you a more peaceful mind...
Hugs from me xx

beanielou

Keep plodding hun xx

Karmacat

Wol2 wrote: »

Unfortunately the friend died (peacefully with family) on monday night at the far end of the country . The ex flew up to be a major contributor in the funeral and bless them have kept me posted at all times by text. I had sent a card/letter to the people concerned that was read out last night to everyone :eek: (not intended but was apparently well -received :cool:) ...so I participated in a kind of "virtual" wake yesterday.:beer:.and am really questioning why I didn;t go as maybe it would have been better than staying down here.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Wol .... the wake, the virtual one as well, sounds positive, tho - and even with things this big, this intense, there are practical things like looking after piggies that mean you can't just drop everything and go.

Going forwards - increase counselling sessions to twice a week temporarily in view of what' s going on atm. It's not just the reactivated stuff with the ex (which is BIG in itself) - it;s also about the family's "dramatic" response to the member who has been diagnosed with the big C....last week's session got nowehere near even a "holding" scenario to cope untill the nex one cos there's too much going on

Thats a good idea. I know what you mean about reaching a holding place - when there's so much *info* to be got over, you don't have the space in the session to do the emotional work. Twice a week will give you that....

I can;t help comparing (or rather contrasting) hwat's happening now to the time when I personally was "under investigation" for a brain tumour 10 years ago...(which luckily turned out to be benign providing I "keep taking the tablets")...but then maybe the reason for the lack of concern all those years ago (compared to what's going on now with the other family member) is because I had not delivered the "required grandchildren" to the family and since that time I have always been "somewhat on the periphery" . OK Yes - there is a problem for me (? or maybe my family?) here in terms of my "failure" to provide the next generation and therefore how i am regarded.......I really need to work it out so can cope with this constructively going forwards

I'm in the same situation as you, Wol - the one who hasn't delivered the grandchildren, or the partner to be brought into the family. And even now, if I say about a friend who's been given a bad diagnosis, the *first* question is "do they have children?". Its staggeringly insensitive, but its *their* problem, not mine.

As far as the early diagnosis is concerned - I think unless you've kept up a little bit on what the modern situation is, older people still tend to think of cancer as a death sentence. Even when I was in my 20s, you were only told about your cancer so that you had time to put your affairs in order before you died. Nowadays, with the survival rate for stage one breast cancer being upwards of 85%, its a *completely* different situation. Tho sometimes there are still people like your friend, dear god, how sad - dead 4 weeks after diagnosis, thats a real shock these days....

Thanx for bearing with me tonight peepies.....I am determined to set (realistic) goals each week on here no matter what......and achieve them "come hell or high water". This diary is becoming extremely important to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Good for you. mse has been a bit of a lifeline for me, even when I've been too ill to post myself, reading what's been written has been massively important.

I can see your little light isn't on at the mo, so I hope you're chilling and having a drink. Take care of yourself, and hopefully one day I can cope with journeys enough so that we can meet up again.


xxxx

ZTD

Wol2 wrote: »

Hi everyone:wave::wave:

:hello:

Wol2 wrote: »

Unfortunately tonight is blacker than black ....and I need to get this out....so beware rant in progress :eek:

Unfortunately the friend died (peacefully with family) on monday night at the far end of the country . The ex flew up to be a major contributor in the funeral and bless them have kept me posted at all times by text. I had sent a card/letter to the people concerned that was read out last night to everyone :eek: (not intended but was apparently well -received :cool:) ...so I participated in a kind of "virtual" wake yesterday.:beer:.and am really questioning why I didn;t go as maybe it would have been better than staying down here.

I decided not to go because
a) I only knew her through my ex - and the last time I was up there (at the son;s wedding celebrations when the ex was best man) it was such happy memories of what "might have been" with the ex and I was concerned about the "knock-on" effect if i went up now
b) the journey time/location etc meant I couldn;t leave the pigs for three days

This has Soooooo completely reactivated a load of stuff from Oct 07 when me and the ex split up....and I KNOW I am not coping well

:grouphug:

Trust your instincts.

It's always human nature to think "What If?" as in "what if I had put my hand in the blender". You have good memories of that time - and you didn't poison them with the current reality.

Wol2 wrote: »

Going forwards - increase counselling sessions to twice a week temporarily in view of what' s going on atm. It's not just the reactivated stuff with the ex (which is BIG in itself) - it;s also about the family's "dramatic" response to the member who has been diagnosed with the big C....last week's session got nowehere near even a "holding" scenario to cope untill the nex one cos there's too much going on

I can;t help comparing (or rather contrasting) hwat's happening now to the time when I personally was "under investigation" for a brain tumour 10 years ago...(which luckily turned out to be benign providing I "keep taking the tablets")...but then maybe the reason for the lack of concern all those years ago (compared to what's going on now with the other family member) is because I had not delivered the "required grandchildren" to the family and since that time I have always been "somewhat on the periphery" . OK Yes - there is a problem for me (? or maybe my family?) here in terms of my "failure" to provide the next generation and therefore how i am regarded.......I really need to work it out so can cope with this constructively going forwards

Having said that...Why am I the only family member who thinks that the fact it was caught early in the person concerned, and so the prognosis is really good, is cause to be really positive? I am so grateful that this was discovered early and there is a very good chance of a full recovery. But everyone else is still intent on the "doomsday woe is me" scenario and how terrible and gutting it all is that this person has been struck down. So I'm finding it really difficult trying to support my parents expecially. Because I don;t understand why they are still wearing hair shirts etc.

PERHAPS BECAUSE THEY ENJOY IT.

Did that get your attention?

They ignored your medical problem because it is what affected you the most in a negative way. Your parents hyping up that medical problem because it will be the way that affects that person in the most negative fashion. I say "they" but it's a euphemism...

IT'S ABOUT CONTROL.

Some people have a desire to please and protect others. Some people have a desire to please and protect themselves. Each can be manipulated. Always for an end.

Wol2 wrote: »

People get cancer...lke I did.....you can;t control that. The fact that in this case it has been discovered early and that these days there is an exceptional chance of complete recovery for this particular situation is surely something to be postive (and indeed grateful) about (insert banned confused smiley). So why all the doom and gloom? I don;t see how this is helping the individual concerned (insert more banned confused smileys) After all - look at my friend - diagnosed the week before Christmas and dead 4 weeks later :eek:

What does positivity get you in this case? As much dependence as negativity?

Wol2 wrote: »

Sorry - but needed to rant

Me too... :kisses3:

Wol2 wrote: »

Wish I didn't feel so bloomin' carp tonight..and it;s not helped that there is no confused smiley anymore to litter my post with :rotfl::rotfl:

It's everywhere...

Wol2

Nargleblast wrote: »

after all, there's nothing like clearing up piggie sh*t to bring you back to reality!

Wonderful post in it's entirety Nargle - thank you

But couldn;t resist quoting the last bit ....Wol bumps back down to reality :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

xxxxx

Wol2

Karmacat wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Wol .... the wake, the virtual one as well, sounds positive, tho - and even with things this big, this intense, there are practical things like looking after piggies that mean you can't just drop everything and go.

Thanks KC

Thats a good idea. I know what you mean about reaching a holding place - when there's so much *info* to be got over, you don't have the space in the session to do the emotional work. Twice a week will give you that....

Ditto K!!C

I'm in the same situation as you, Wol - the one who hasn't delivered the grandchildren, or the partner to be brought into the family. And even now, if I say about a friend who's been given a bad diagnosis, the *first* question is "do they have children?". Its staggeringly insensitive, but its *their* problem, not mine.

Yep - you and I have discussed and we DO know..:D...but sometimes we hit a bramble if you see what I mean

As far as the early diagnosis is concerned - I think unless you've kept up a little bit on what the modern situation is, older people still tend to think of cancer as a death sentence. Even when I was in my 20s, you were only told about your cancer so that you had time to put your affairs in order before you died. Nowadays, with the survival rate for stage one breast cancer being upwards of 85%, its a *completely* different situation. Tho sometimes there are still people like your friend, dear god, how sad - dead 4 weeks after diagnosis, thats a real shock these days....


Very good points and confrims my thoughts on how to handle this situation wtih aged parents
Friend by the way was over 80 and developed acute myeloid leukaemia...she went fast and with dignity ...with the family at her side....- best way to go - and she had a very good life and was much loved....and had a bluidy good wake
Good for you. mse has been a bit of a lifeline for me, even when I've been too ill to post myself, reading what's been written has been massively important.

I can see your little light isn't on at the mo, so I hope you're chilling and having a drink. Take care of yourself, and hopefully one day I can cope with journeys enough so that we can meet up again.


xxxx

Thanx KC -I appreciate your reponses....it helps"take the edge" of it all

We girlies shall deffo be out and about this next month so I think a trip is in order.. :T:T

Will be in contact very soon

xxx

Wol2

ZTD wrote: »

:hello:



:grouphug:

Trust your instincts.

It's always human nature to think "What If?" as in "what if I had put my hand in the blender". You have good memories of that time - and you didn't poison them with the current reality.

Very good point :T

PERHAPS BECAUSE THEY ENJOY IT.

Did that get your attention?
Yep

They ignored your medical problem because it is what affected you the most in a negative way. Your parents hyping up that medical problem because it will be the way that affects that person in the most negative fashion. I say "they" but it's a euphemism...

IT'S ABOUT CONTROL.
Sigh...yep

Some people have a desire to please and protect others. Some people have a desire to please and protect themselves. Each can be manipulated. Always for an end.

Yep OK they're manipulative drama queens - and even knowing it doesn;t mean the angst will go away..i still have to find ways of dealing constructively with the emotions it uleashes within me

It's everywhere...
Too true - Hypno and Ellidee....shocking news.....:eek:

Damn smileys....MSE has a lot to answer for :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Thanx Hun :kisses3:

xxx

Wol2

beanielou wrote: »

Keep plodding hun xx

You n me both Beanie

Glad to hear the snow has gone - hope things are improving up your way

Big hugs - have been worried about you :grouphug::grouphug:

xxxx