is this normal?

Pee

You need to explian what is important to you, and then he needs to listen to this.

On the other hand, you say he doesn't know your sizes, well, buying clothes for people is nigh on impossible, I do pretty well with my boyfriend but have to say that is really more luck than judgement and involves a lot of keeping the receipts.

Making an effort is important, second guessing what you want or buying perfect presents is probably just not going to happen.

Phudge

I have the same thought as some others - did your husband grow up as a Jehovah's Witness and so didn't do the celebrations?

What interests does he have - things he enjoys or does with his mates? What about your hobbies? Is he much older than you by any chance?

I do feel for you because as you say you'd just like to know he's thought about you. Sometimes we do simple things for birthdays, things we both enjoy like visiting an art gallery and then having a coffee by the sea. I am not into big parties or anything and neither is he and we're happy doing simple things.

I know a lot of men don't do the card thing but my partner also realises that cards are very important to me and his Mum and he would NEVER not go and chose a special one. Not to do that is thoughtless and not caring at all.

Reds-on-Sea

I was going to ask if he was a Jehovas Witness too, but 2 people beat me to it. I can't imagine you'd have been married for 6 years without knowing this though. My OH & I don't do anniversary (though if we got married we probably would) birthday's & Xmas are a small affair, and we only buy/accept small pressies from eachother (no other family members) as we all agree it's a total waste of money buying things for the sake of it. But, I do feel sorry for you, as the difference is, that it was by mutual agreement!! I would never agree to it if I thought one of us wasn't totally ok with it.

I really do feel sorry for you, it must be upsetting. but...will it fix anything if you feel that he's begrudgingly buying you pressies/cards, becasue you want him to? You need to tell him how you feel, make spome suggestions and/or learn to deal with it. it doesn't necessarily mean he loves you any less, though it may look that way.

newlywed

Most Jehovah's witnesses do celebrate wedding anniversaries though, just not birthdays or xmas.

Stephb1986_2

If my fella couldn't be bothered with my birthday or anniversary I wouldn't bother back! Play him at his own game and on the night of your anniversary plan a night out with the girls and sod him.

Steph xx

clarence83_2

I feel really sad reading your posts, you sound so unhappy and like you are "stuck" with your situation.

It does sound like he is the way he is though, and will never change.

My boyf buys me lots of stupid silly presents, whenever he spots something i might like, even if it's a £1 pack of tealights (I love candles round my bath) or a 79p peel off face mask sachet when he's buying his toiletries in superdrug. I do the same for him, just nice to give and receive cute little gifts whenever you spot something they would really like. it's not about big extravagant gifts or coming home once in a blue moon to an enormous bunch of flowers, it's just the thought.

and he does like computer games but he buys fun ones that I will like playing, so we can do a 2-player game and spend time together rather than zombie-ing out on his own.

It does sound like you would be better off on your own, why don't you take yourself off on a holiday and realise the fun you can have on your own, meeting new people, without this miserable old toerag always dragging you down?

Any

I was also going to suggest going on holiday with someone else - I go every winter with my best friend because my OH loves skying and I love sun.

I think it would be great opportunity for you to re-think the situation and to find out whether this sacrifice is worth it or not..

Or do you think he would make you to tell his mates that he has gone with you? If that is the case then nothing is worth that!!

rrwfotr

thank you once again or all your replies, no he is not a jehovah or have any religious beliefs which permit him from celebrating. He doesn't have any debts, I have seen all the finances, he is good with money, just a bit too careful. I've asked him what he is saving for and he said our old age. I know he is sensible but then so am I. I have the balance of spending and saving whereas all he does is save and save.

Yes I am only 30 and we go halves on everything where the house is concerned, even furnishing it, I have bought a majority of things where we haven't gone 50/50 because its ours and I have the money so it doesn't matter.

As I said I 'm not looking for grand gestures, not designer bags/shoes/diamonds, but I am looking for a bit of thought and where holidays are concerned, nothing exotic, somewhere in england would do. I have said this all to him, but he sees it as nagging.

I have arranged to go away with my brother at some point this year/next year.

I just want normal things, like my parents, they didn't have holidays evey year, but they had plenty of days out and fun and they have the photographs to prove it. We hardly have any pictures, which I think is sad, when we do have kids we will have nothing to show them.

rrwfotr

zimm143 wrote: »

My OH claims not to like holidays - I simply book them and tell him we're going. He generally enjoys it once he gets there. have you tried this? If he can't at least make the effort to go away for a few days to make you happy you need to re-consider your relationship.


Tried this in the past and told him i was going to be spontaneous as a woman at work did this with her hubby. He warned not to do this because of his work commitments, so i never bothered.

Minxy_Bella

rrwfotr wrote: »

thank you once again or all your replies, no he is not a jehovah or have any religious beliefs which permit him from celebrating. He doesn't have any debts, I have seen all the finances, he is good with money, just a bit too careful. I've asked him what he is saving for and he said our old age. I know he is sensible but then so am I. I have the balance of spending and saving whereas all he does is save and save.

Yes I am only 30 and we go halves on everything where the house is concerned, even furnishing it, I have bought a majority of things where we haven't gone 50/50 because its ours and I have the money so it doesn't matter.

As I said I 'm not looking for grand gestures, not designer bags/shoes/diamonds, but I am looking for a bit of thought and where holidays are concerned, nothing exotic, somewhere in england would do. I have said this all to him, but he sees it as nagging.

I have arranged to go away with my brother at some point this year/next year.

I just want normal things, like my parents, they didn't have holidays evey year, but they had plenty of days out and fun and they have the photographs to prove it. We hardly have any pictures, which I think is sad, when we do have kids we will have nothing to show them.

I would think very carefully about having kids with your OH, hun tbh. If you think you get sad about your OH's lack of celebrations with you, you will be devastated when he doesn't make a fuss of your kids. Seriously. I speak from experience.